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Junior Member
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Ontario
Posts: 18
8 2 hugs
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#1
I (45M) grew up a latchkey kid in the 80s. I was good at adulting and I'm a very independent, responsible person. No one would consider me to be juvenile in my thoughts or actions. However, I really don't feel like I'm an adult. I suspect that I feel that way because I was never truly a child.
Anyone have anything to add? A book that addresses the topic? |
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Discombobulated, downandlonely, Fuzzybear, MuseumGhost, nonightowl, Stillhuman, unaluna
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MuseumGhost
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Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2022
Location: The House
Posts: 1,198
2 817 hugs
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#2
I experienced parentification, as a child. Meaning that I was filling my mom's emotional needs...
On my report cards, I was frequently called 'conscientious'. I feel, similarly, that as I never quite lived as fully as I could've as a child, I never quite became an adult. |
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downandlonely, Fuzzybear, MuseumGhost, rewin, unaluna
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Junior Member
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Ontario
Posts: 18
8 2 hugs
given |
#3
I'm sorry to hear that. Have you found any good sources for infirmary and how to deal with it?
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New Member
Member Since Feb 2023
Location: Ohio, USA
Posts: 4
1 |
#4
I also grew up as a "latchkey" kid from the 80's. I put latchkey in quotes because my mother had been leaving me home to fend for myself before I was even in school. I too was someone who prided myself of being an "adult from birth" and "raising myself" until my life started falling apart a few years ago (I'm 47). The cracks started to show and it turns out I'm a really emotionally immature person who stays in relationships where I am not valued and basically ignored.
I wish the pervasiveness of this invisible, and often ridiculed, condition of being chronically ignored and not cared for was a more common conversation. I think there are many people just living their lives out there who have no idea why they are so unhappy with their lives and often become targets of people who take advantage of them, whether it be emotionally, financially, etc. I am constantly devouring any psychiatric article I can read about depression, CEN, anxiety. The first book written about CEN was published in 2012, so not a lot of peer reviewed or researched media are out there but there are a few books listed online you can buy if you just do a search for "childhood emotional neglect books". I wish you all luck on your journey! |
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Fuzzybear, MuseumGhost, unaluna
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MuseumGhost, unaluna
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Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 907
5 807 hugs
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#5
I can explain my life with my family of origin in one sentence. I was a mom to my mother,father,siblings,guests,extended family and so on.And I was in an abusive scapegoating situation all the while.There was no childhood for me ,so to speak.I was a born adult and much was expected of me.It looks like I continued to be an adult ,but broken inside,carry immense grief inside.I have been reading a lot too and slowly have been healing.There is a sense of loss.A loss of the relationships I never had.I feel like an orphan and alone.If that made any sense.
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Discombobulated, Fuzzybear, MuseumGhost, nonightowl
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,257
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#6
I can relate to this very well. My parents were both functional alcoholics, so a lot of life lessons and the right kinds of coping skills were never taught or shared in our home. It often fell on me to take care of pretty much everyone, especially as I entered my teen years.
All of it, the CEN, and the disjointed and unpredictable moods of my parents, combined with gross lack of affection, and proper parenting overall, contributed greatly to all my diagnoses. I did feel, especially in my late teens and early 20's , as if I was behind everyone else of my age. I was certainly very naive, although I was independent and capable of doing many things. I just didn't seem to possess the life knowledge and people skills that everyone around me had. I felt very odd, and became extremely introverted. My healing really started in my thirties, when a lot of conversations began to open up about these sorts of issues. I did a lot of self-therapy, looking at the things that happened in childhood in a different light---I often took the position of it having happened to a very good friend, and what kind of advice I would try to give to them, to help them move forward. In large part, it helped a great deal. But it didn't fix everything, because there were other factors at work that were separate and complex, and still hanging over me. I wish I had a single excellent book to recommend. By now, there should be well-reviewed volumes on this topic. I wish you much good progress in your healing. It's a day-by-day thing. |
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Discombobulated, Fuzzybear, Mendingmysoul
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Mendingmysoul
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Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Here
Posts: 907
5 807 hugs
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#7
The wrong neural connections that formed during our childhood because of the misguided, sick adults we had, are counterproductive in our adult lives.We have to unwind and rewire our brains. A lot of hard work to do.
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Fuzzybear, jesyka, MuseumGhost
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Fuzzybear, MuseumGhost
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Member
Member Since Dec 2022
Location: Canada
Posts: 132
1 117 hugs
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#8
I have this memory of being 15 years old and being screamed at by mom and brother. My mother threatened to throw me out of the house if I didn't get a job. My brother told me I was absolutely worthless and said, "who the hell would ever hire you?!"
I was still a child! WTF is wrong with some people. Really bro, it's surprising anyone would hire you given your history. |
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Fuzzybear, jesyka
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,444
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.4k hugs
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#9
''I'm not having you under my roof doing a college course'' ...
''How dare you speak to your Father like that'' __________________ |
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