Rejection sensitivity

Hi, I need some coping skills. I cant avoid a small gathering with husbands siblings at the end of November. When we see them they would have all attended a neices wedding just 2 days before. This is the second neice who didn’t have us on their wedding guest list.
It’s very awkward for me. If only they dont talk about it, which i think would be impossible not to talk about.

Out of the way I grew up, I now have cravings for connection and belonging. I have fear and sensitivity to rejection. I do not know how I am going to cope. It’s a real physical sick feeling.

I have a sister in law who has never really liked me, well she hated my husband when he was a young teen. I have never really got on with her and never felt comfortable in her space and there have been many occasions to come together. So we never really had opportunities to bond with neices and nephews because its the parents that steer the bonds of aunts, uncles and cousins.

We live 9 minutes from our town, so we are rural. Not really an excuse, but they all lives minutes from each other. The feeling of abandonment is really high right now. I may have to take a herb sedative to cope. Ashwagandha or Kava. Am I allowed to mention those herbs?

How am I going to get through it. How do I heal from rejection sensitive. It feels like shame. Thankyou for any help

Most people wouldn't handle the situation well, so there's nothing wrong with you.

No need to feel shame.

If there weren't any consequences or pressures, what would you do?

I agree with TheGal. Hugs to you!

I was sick with anxiety about my son's wedding for at least a year before it took place. The fear was a million times worse than the event.

I was extremely worried about seeing my exes family plus I'm a recovering (sober) alcoholic so I was terrified of drinking due to stress and ruining the whole thing.

I didn't sleep properly for a year before but once I was there I just handled it. I probably trained myself with Tara Brach & Eckhart Tolle podcasts etc etc for that whole year leading up to it. All I can say is that my imagination had it a million times worse than the reality.

I have social phobia anyway but big family events are the worst scariest thing ever!

Sometimes before an event I'll take loperamide to calm my nervous colon and valerian for my nerves. Tapping helps me as well.

You're not alone, it's really incredibly stressful is you're a sensitive person. What really makes me laugh is that most people didn't even recognise me because I wasn't important to their reality at all, I no longer even existed for them.

Thanks for replying to my post. I probably would not go to this small gathering, but thats not an option. Husband's siblings dont do feelings or expressions of.
In another reality i would like to say to sister in law. Its dissapointing you decided to not like me without ever really knowing me. She made sure I didnt get to make bonds with family members she gravitated to.

I really relate to everything you said and the part of anxiety leading up to an event being worse than the actual going through it. I overthink everything in a negative low worth way. I'm happy that you have some strategies. I love Tara Brachs voice, its calming. I like the R.A.I.N meditation she does.

Wishing well for you.

I'm sorry you cannot saying 'no' to going because you've been wronged. Could you be angry perhaps? Could anger be an emotion you bury deep inside because it was never safe for you to be angry as a child? It might be interested in looking up the "relationship between shame and anger" and "between anxiety and anger".

As for the anxiety, I got Claire Weekes' audiobook from the library based on her book, "Hope and Help for Your Nerves". It is so good. There are also Youtube videos for her approach, as well. I wish I had come across her work years ago.

I think what SpaghettiLegs said is very encouraging: the situation in actuality was handled better than thought. Also EFT tapping is a therapy that would be worth looking into. I don't know whether you have Netflix, but there is a doc called "Heal" on there and it shows someone receiving tapping therapy to work through trauma.


I wish you well.. I know how awful anxiety can be. Let us know how you are doing...