[Theristiki]

Hey everybody. The following is just my own personal experience. They are the questions I have been forced to ask myself after living with chronic pain.

Inquiries of a Sufferer

As someone who lives with chronic pain, I have many questions. Many directed towards doctors, family, a supreme entity up above and to myself. I have lived with this for many years, and yet something like pain (which some people think you can put a band aid on it no problem) is something so complicated, something so extreme. When you live with it for a long time, you start to change. You start to isolate yourself, you start to cut people off from your circle. Then you see doctors, and it can go two ways. Either they believe you, or they don’t. I’ve had both experiences, one doctor gave me a painkiller (which will be unamed because it should be yanked off the market) and it was very harmful for me at a very young age. From here, my questions were more complicated. “Why should a child have to be put on painkillers?” “Why must I suffer?” The other experience was with a few doctors which told me straight up that my pain was NOT real. I was 12 at the time, just so you know. Obviously, some 12 year olds may do it for attention, but I was not. It was and still is misery.

Eventually I found the right doctor who believed me, but at that point I was trapped inside my own head for 2 years, isolated away from society. When you’re trapped with yourself for so long, those questions really eat you up. You can’t help but ask questions. It was misery, and I wanted to end it all. I went through 2 years of pain clincs and rehabilitation hospitals after meeting him and still, I couldn’t get rid of the pain. The questions would not stop. “Why can’t it go away?” “Will anybody understand me?” “Will anybody be there for me?” “Why can’t they help me?” “What is my life becoming?” “Is it worth it?”

At some point, you’re not sure if it
even worth it to continue. However, this is my message to anybody who has chronic pain:

The truth is, when you are suffering with pain, you have burning questions. It’s normal to have them. You think that there isn’t any hope and you think that there isn’t anything you can do. But that is not true. There are people out there who can help and there are people who can understand you. I never believed it. This year, my life changed completely because I eventually met someone like me, someone who loves me. You see, all it takes is one person to ask you how you are, and it can make your day. All it takes, is a little bit of love and understanding... Especially if you’re someone who has isolated yourself because the people never cared about how you were. But all it takes is one person that understands you to regain that hope and confidence. No painkiller can give you that much hope in the world, even though the pills may help you function.
If you have chronic pain, stick with the people who care about you. Trust me when I say, it’s better not to suffer alone. Suffering alone is the worst thing to do. You may eventually even convince yourself it’s better to.

The world is a cruel place. It have taken away your life, I know. Mine has been taken from me. But the most important thing to do, is to be the light for the other people like you who suffer.

So, what are the inquiries of a sufferer?

They’re the questions that a person who is in agony begs the answers for, because everything in their life has gone completely wrong. They’re the questions that create a gap in your life. If you’re trapped alone with them long enough, they may be the ones that put you on the road to ending your life.

I will end this with something I wrote entitled, “The World Without Pain.”

A friend asked me:
Do you ever wish you could go away somewhere, a different world?

I responded:

"I would like a world to live in without physical pain. A world where I can smile when I see the kids playing at the playground. A place where people don't have conflicts over things so trivial. A world where I can live and function like the rest of the folks in this perfect image. The image of no pain, fear, or sadness. Just joy and happiness.

But this pain I speak of, is special. It formed me to I am today. This world, is a unique place. Everything that happens has a reason. Everything can and have something positive come from it, even if it's not positive for you.
But positive for the people who look at the pain, and try to make a difference in this world.
The basic principle is that life is pain, and the variable is what lesson we must learn from the pain. Or what we can do to help other people who are in pain.

So, I suppose my answer is no.

Now, I ask you. Would you want to live in a different world far away, if such writing could touch you heart?"

She replies with:
"Hmm, you challenge me.
A world without pain would not have such poetry."

I say:
"And that is just one thing. What about the music that moves your soul? Or art? Or the kindhearted people that try to make a difference in this world because of the very pain that caused them to want to help in the first place?

Perhaps this writing will give you an answer. The truth is, you are feeling emotional from what I wrote. Would you be experiencing this if you were in a world without pain? Nothing that makes you happy in this world would exist in a world without pain.

...The world without pain is my nightmare."

[Skeezyks]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts...