[veggy]

i don't know if it's ptsd, but whatever it is, the military has made him (my ex i've been posting about) so much worse.

someone said my overdose probably broke him, and that's why he won't calm down this time. i was forced to get help when i broke since i ended up in the hospital.

his cousin wants to help so badly, but neither of us know what to do. do we go through the military? could make it worse. he may be doing drugs again, so if we go that way he might get kicked out and if he gets kicked out he'll get so much worse. do i make a trip down there and go with her and see if he'll talk if he's face to face with me?

i feel sick to my stomach when i think about giving up on him like his favorite family member has. i feel like i'm abandoning him when he needs me most.

i desperately just want to go see him and see that he is okay, but i don't know if that would be stupid. i don't want to seem like a crazy ex, which is why i really just talk to his cousin about him because she sees how he has snapped too, and knows how sudden this all was. she lost her phone though and i haven't been able to talk to her in a few days and i just feel frazzled... she has her dad's military pass to get on base and she swore she was going to go there after he ignored her birthday. we just don't know what will make it worse and what won't.

it's like everything that happened at work made him worse and worse and then when i broke as he got worse he broke because of what i did.
i just want to see him