[bpdruins]

Hi. I have a veteran roommate that has been my friend since high school. Before he was in the war, he had some issues but after hes come back he's been a different person. He was carrying a handgun on him constantly and got into an incident where he took it out and started waving it at someone. That has started to progress into more and more reckless behavior. Now he has started partying with the younger crowd and doing a lot of drugs. I think he wants to die honestly, and is doing everything to make sure that happens. He has asked me if I wanted to go out and shoot someone, which I thought was a joke, but realized that he wasnt joking at all. THe house we live in has been turning into a nonstop party scene with drugs and alcohol. I honestly can't move out because I have financial issues, but i somewhat fear that we could get busted and I would be in the middle of this. He also has a medical issue which he could've gotten better with surgery but decided to say 'f it' and missed the surgical procedure. I honestly dont know what to do here. I mean I have been there for this guy quite a bit in the past helping him out, but I feel like thsi is reaching a boiling point and something messed up is close to happening. Could someone give me some advice? What should I do?

[kindachaotic]

Hello, is there ANY place else you can go to get away from this guy?
If he asked you if you wanted to go out & shoot someone, then who else has he asked?? Next step is he might just shoot someone when he's by himself, especially if using who knows what kinds of drugs.

Other issue is having drugs, guns & whatever else that isn't legal, in your apt. If you can't afford your place without a roommate & this one won't leave or if you've gotten afraid of him, call the police. Then get a new roommate.

I make it sound easy, but is it worth someone getting hurt or killed by a gun or being flipped out on drugs or both. Like you said, if your place gets busted you are right in the middle of it, you go to jail, period.

You are young, smart, probably street smart too. Don't let loyalty get in the way of what you know is best for you & your future.

Good luck!!

[Aslan]

you are in peril, sounds dangerous.

[Catherine2]

Your friend is in crisis...and so are you bpdruins.

http://www.veteranscrisisline.net/Fo...ndFriends.aspx
The majority of the responders are veterans and will do everything they can to help you and support your friend.

Jmo, your loyalty to your friend is commendable, but you are jeopardizing your freedom and possibly your life.
Reaching out for help and advice here is a good first step. The anonymity feels safe and allows for honesty, and it can be a release of fear and frustration.
Perhaps you are beginning to understand that you have no control over his actions, but you do your own.
Whenever we take care of ourselves it can unleash feelings of guilt and sometimes shame...and that can become a trap, one that is hard to get out of.

It is not giving up on your friend for you to take care of you...doing it is healthy but hard to do, loving yet it feels lonely, and it may feel like you are being selfish when the reality is you need to protect yourself.

http://iava.org/
Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America is a non-profit organization started by and for veterans of these wars.
The IAVA has the resources to help your friend, now and as he walks his path of healing.

Best wishes

[bpdruins]

Yeah I'm moving out of there, im going to be forced to move back into my parents house, luckily they'll let me back. The friendships are probably over, but at least I will have peace of mind. I wish I could my help my buddy but he won't listen.

[Catherine2]

Originally Posted by bpdruins

Yeah I'm moving out of there, im going to be forced to move back into my parents house, luckily they'll let me back. The friendships are probably over, but at least I will have peace of mind. I wish I could my help my buddy but he won't listen.

Anything I share is just my opinion...

Moving back in with your parents may not feel ideal as it may present problems of its own. You will be safe, though. Your own journey of healing can begin...

The friendship might be on hold for awhile. It's obvious your buddy means a great deal to you.
Please allow yourself to grieve over this situation. Anger might also be a part of your grief...and that is okay. There's bound to be a variety of feelings surfacing now that you are taking care of yourself. Go with the flow, face them, and move on.

bpbruins, perhaps it's not that your buddy won't listen but that he can't hear you. He's in his own private hell and it's hard to hear the voices of concern when you are in that hell.
I heard only echoes of concern and didn't give a damn about them. However, the seeds of love and caring were planted in my heart. It took time for them to have any impact on me...I was hell bent on living dangerously.
I now understand it was passive suicide. Obviously I survived my intentional suicide attempts. The next "best" thing was to live in a way that would open the door to oblivion.

Concentrate on you. Heal.
Beat a pillow when--not if--you are p*ssed off.
Weep when the need arises.
Accept you did your best but he was not ready. It's no reflection on you and your efforts.
Guilt is not allowed; it's a waste of energy and can suck you dry.

Good luck as you start on your own path to peace.

Catherine

[Bishop88]

your buddy is lost. i have been down this path. and i relapse every once in a while with the destructive behavior and drugs but usually the reason for it is the lack of being able to feel. the drugs and the fast life gives us a feeling that we normal do not have in our day to day life. it is something were he will need a serious reality check to change his path something words can never do. best of luck to you in your travels