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Member
Member Since Mar 2024
Location: In the southern United States
Posts: 346
99 hugs
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#1
I am going to relate a quick story, as I see this as the best way to communicate
this, there is no accurate translation. I began with a stack of three, 1.) I was a victim for years of CSA when we moved here when I was nearly six. That went of till I was 14. 2.)My mum's family in the States, if you have seen Wes Craven's, "The People Under the Stairs," that accurately sums them up. The third stack is every man in my father's family serves in the military, it is a tradition. He had designs on me, following him and being a fighter pilot. I could not do this however, as I developed myopia with an astigmatism the year I began college the first time. There was no Lasik, and the USAF or Navy are simply not going to spend a million bucks to train someone that does not have 20/20 vision or better, without being augmented by glasses. So, upon completion of my first degree, I let him push me into it anyway, I chose the United State Army. There was good reason for this, it was late 1989, and we had transitioned to using many newly developed smart weapons for urban combat. At that time they were pitifully behind in training, and shhhh, here's a big secret for you. Many require ground special forces units to site them in and verify the target is valid. It also helps if you know what to strike the target with, why use something that costs 5 million bucks, when there is one that costs a million bucks that will do the job. Hence, I led a team, held the rank of 1st Lieutenant in the Army Rangers. With me included, my group was made up of 16 men, great people, they don't come any better. If satellite topography, or spotter aircraft and several other means of gathering intelligence information; believed something was a target we went to it, surveilled it. If it was a valid target, it was my job to determine what the best ordinance strike was to call in on that structure, you did this by using a satellite phone. We would designate the target by holding a low powered laser on is (This is simply called lasing). This was during the First Gulf War, we went to check a target out. We took up a position across the building, on the roof of another building, it was a schoolhouse being used store munitions. So, I have gave the structure a very good looking over, and determined the best option would be a cruise missile strike launched via submarine or cruiser was the best bet. It was going to take a pretty good wallop, and had been reinforced. I got on the Sat Phone and called command, gave my authorization code, designated the ordinance, they agreed. So we lased it and the cruise missile was fired. This does not happen instantly, about an eight minute flight time to get there. As I am sitting there watching this building, it had one of those black laddered fire escapes on the side of it. Two Iraqi Republican Guard came out on the top level to smoke a cigarette. I just laid there and watched them. They were talking and laughing and had no idea what was about to happen. I dream of this so often, as I just watched them the whole time. They were what we were told were the enemy, I just saw two human beings, that were probably married, had siblings, children, whatever their hopes and dreams were for the future. They went back inside before the cruise missile struck the base of that building. I had judged it correctly, the entire building was demolished, setting off some the munitions stored inside. It killed everyone in the building, mission freaking accomplished. I would learn later from after strike assessment, that building contained 126 people. Who that cruise missile I had called in, and my men had lased erased every single one of them. It was my job, so I did this many times both there and later in Somalia. I am haunted by those that my actions either directly or indirectly removed from this earth. I don't want to be thanked for that, I want to go back and walk past that recruiter's station and have went to medical school earlier. LIke so many things in my life, I cannot change it, what's done is done. Until I take my last breath, I have to carry it all, see it when I close my eyes, dream about it. Billy what do you want to do when you grow up? Fireman that's great. Susy, what about you? An astronaut, marvelous. I don't ever remember answering this question with, 'I want to erase a bunch of people.' Yet that's how it turned out, and the past is immutable. |
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Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2022
Location: The House
Posts: 1,188
2 804 hugs
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#2
I appreciate the guts it takes to share this... I hope you write a book about this ... it might be helpful to you to put it into written form... as well as very enlightening to others...
I'm on the library list for a book called "Fate is the Hunter" by Ernest K. Gann, a pilot... I started it but had to return it before I finished... it is very deep in that it is philosophical and psychological, as well... It comes highly recommended. |
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Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2022
Location: The House
Posts: 1,188
2 804 hugs
given |
#3
Have you ever considered using white noise to buffer you from thoughts?
Here's a sample: |
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![]() 16PennyNail
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Member
Member Since Mar 2024
Location: In the southern United States
Posts: 346
99 hugs
given |
#4
Thank you for the suggestion, I don't do that but I bought one of those, I guess you would call it a noise machine? It makes several different noises you can set it to, I set mine to make the noise of ocean waves. It's like one of those things that some therapists have in their offices. It does help but I haven't found anything yet that works all the way. I guess when my friends visit, maybe I could give them therapy since I have that thing...lol...No I believe I will leave that to those with the PhDs in psychology and M.D.s in neurology and psychiatry.
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Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2022
Location: The House
Posts: 1,188
2 804 hugs
given |
#5
I wasn't trying to be facetious, just so you know.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that... You are a naturally a talented writer, though.... Wishing you only good things... ~ Gal |
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