trauma and recovery

Xander187, have you had treatment for this challenge? If you are still struggling then you need to get back into treatment.

I have read that it takes about 5 years to get back into civilain life again so you really need to be patient and make sure you continue getting the help you need. The brain takes a while to readjust. You are still expressing signs that you are still challenged, not your fault and you need more time. It's really better that your focus be on that first, slowly settle into yourself better rather than trying to find a relationship, "yet". Always remember that yet, because it will come with "patience". Also, some vets have used medical marijuana to help them sleep, ones I have talked to say it has helped a lot.

The mindset you have discribed is something the average person doesn't understand. However, other vets who have experienced combat do understand and that is why support groups help.

i have been in alot of treatment in the past. when i was in the army i was very angry and would lash out alot. i would go to anger managment every week and see a counciler twice a week. when i got out i went to counciling once a week. i got on some meds that help me out. i take serequel ambien and adivan. sometimes i will just be sitting watching tv and my pulse is 140. my anxiety is so high that my heart is pumping twice the normal. my doctor is very worried about it. and as far as the counciling goes. i didnt think it helped that much. you go once or twice a week and talk to somebody who can not relate at all to what you are talking about and pay over $50 per session. i bought a journal for $7 and write in it everyday. and pretty much get the same results. im not the kind of person who likes to sit down and talk about my problems. i kind of just keep to myslelf. i dont understand how going to talk to somebody for a hour helps.

You should understand that survivor's guilt can lead you down a very dark road. Your buddy's would not want the same for you. I believe they would want you to live a full happy life in their memory. There's no shame in surviving I believe you survived for a reason and life has a plan for you. Talking about your feelings with your girlfriend would be a start. I wish you well.

I was surprised when I was diagnosed with PTSD. It was a few years after I medically retired from the military. I guess the years of seeing bodies caught up with me. What gets me the most are the nightmares. I wake up in a full blown panic and have to get outside to breath. It's exhausting.

I wished it would have knocked me out. I always feel like a part of me died in the desert in Iraq, and some areas of the mountain terrain in Afghanistan. A lot of people have referred to me as a hero. I look at it as being a survivor, and living to tell about it. The true hero didn't make it home in my book.

The reason why your dad wouldn't tell you, because he knew you wouldn't understand. In a war, there are deaths, troops bleeding, and blood over the person trying to help the wounded. Seeing someone laying there dying, and they're telling you to make their parents realize they fought hard, and they hope they make them proud, in the meantime, their breathing becomes shallow, it's a frightening situation to see, the wounded are in shock, and their bodies are shaking, the wounded are extremely lethargic. With all due to with respect to you. Unless if you were in a combat situation, and you are under heavy fire. Imagine for a moment if you please, respectfully speaking here, your whole body is a target. Your head, face, neck, the back of your head, and everywhere you can think of. Your dad doesn't want you to have nightmares about it. That's why he doesn't tell you. No matter wounds you have. No one is left behind. You bring them back at all cost. Even if it means your life will end. When I finished Seal training, and that moment is when you wrote that blank check in the sum amount of my life will be taking. That check is still good. The blank check that everyone has ever served wrote that to pay for their freedom. We don't ask for gratitude for saving several troops, while being wounded to pull the fatalities back to safety, knowingly, if we go back to get more troops that are so wounded they cannot help themselves. They may be missing legs, arms, or the whole lower part of their bodies will be gone, or they got shot in the head, their entire head is barely attached. You have to ask this question. Do you really want to know?

I know this is an old post....yet I wanted to respond to one thing that was said in this...the last sentence...that they didn't understand how going to talk to somebody for an hour helps....
I have a traumatic brain injury open skull...memory loss.......shattered spine....lots of other damage....I went to that talking therapy.....3 times a week for 5 years.....I write in a journal too.....the thing I learned...that I want to point out...in case someone comes to this thread thinking the same thing....
first.....not all therapists are going to fit you....I think it is important when you go to a therapist...that you are investigating them...and what they have to offer in the way of tools for your living......it can be a night and day experience...what you get out of therapy.....
The important thing I wish to express........when you go to therapy...it may seem like you are just talking.....but a good therapist....is from their knowledge....guiding that conversation....they aren't going to TELL you something.....yet they know how to get to what is hidden within you....and get you to ask your own questions....more importantly to discover your answers....it is like when you are learning to do something....you can read the instructions....or someone can tell you what to do.....yet....when you...yourself actually do it....it is experienced in a different way....it becomes embedded....a different memory as it is an actuality....
A good therapist....is the one who leads by asking the questions....that get you to arrive at the destination....on your own....from within....I wish I had the vocabulary....to express.......how a good therapist can make a difference...Even though I do not see one anymore....I learned how tools in how to observe myself....and situations......awareness.....and I do reach out when I need to....one of the reasons I am on this site now......
I will offer too.......I can listen....
I hope anyone suffering....can find a place of help.....

I have this thought that really annoys and disgusts me. It's my father's penis. I have had trauma from hearing my father jerk off in 2011. Now it's just this thought. Does anyone have a solution to intrusive thoughts from ptsd? Maybe prolonged exposure therapy

Kentuckyfrogman, Yea you are right there is nothing to be gained by giving gory detalls to a kid whos mind is still developing psycologically or to anyone for that matter. But, a more generalized description may help them to understand and may help you to talk to someone to start dealing with your experiences. Tailor it according to who you are talking to. I have kept some things in me my whole life and I haven't benefited by doing that. I have been talking to my big brother about my childhood experiences in combat zones that he can't believe because no one ever told him, particularly my dad, who knew everything. He (brother) absorbs about 30% and it pisses me off. I'm even angry with him because he missed so many years of the fun. I've got Lots of anger in me but I am trying to take the edge off it. We need to communicate with each other. Its important for all parties involved. Shalom.

MC2ed, I reread your post today and realized that I have some of the same problems with TBI. My injury is more of an accumulation of multiple Concussions, at last count 8, with 2, and possibly as many 4 that were severe. With one of the concussions I recieved quite a bit of long term physical therapy, particularly as it pertains to the crainal plates. They were loosened up quite a bit. It took a while to get them seated properly. I have had problems here and there with memory problems. I have been working on myself trying to recall some of the details of trauma I've had going way, way back to North Africa. It's not easy, but I have recalled some things that I had forgotten. I am going to keep at it, I have this feeling that there are still some big holes in my memory out there. It is amazing how much we forget. I my case I guess it is not a big surprise, but still it's amazing to me. Your idea of writing down your experiences is a good one. It has been helpful to me to be able to communicate with everyone here. It gets me thinking and recalling things in the deep recesses of my spaggetified brain. Hang in there brother, from a different mother. Shalom.

I’m not sure how to start this but I will start when I joined the army in 1977. When I joined I had my choice of infantry or supply, I decided on supply. After basic training and AIT I went airborne but I hurt my leg and decided instead of waiting around for the next rotation I would put in to be stationed overseas.

I was in the Army for 16 ½ years. My first station was in a place called Mokiminoto, in Okinawa, Japan. I was stationed there for 2 years and I loved it. The unit I was with was so small that they changed it to a detachment. Snorkeling, Scuba diving, gambling, typhoons and women helped out the boredom.

I will only talk about my overseas duty stations or I would have to write a book. The second tour was Korea, I lucked out and got put in 2nd Div on a hardship tour for a year. After going back to the states I was sent back to Korea on a command sponsored tour for 2 years with 19th Support.

For my 4th tour I was stationed in Ayers Kaserne - Kirchgoens Germany with Bravo Battery 2d Battalion, 3d Field Artillery (2/3 FA) that was part of the 3rd Armored Division. Are battery fired from 155mm self-propelled Howitzers, I also went to Iraq with them.

I don’t want to get to far into it because I have a problem with PTSD and talking about it, but are orders were to destroy enemy forces. They put my battery up front to support 3/5 Cav. There was nothing in front of use but are fisters or spotters. What made me mad was that I was in a hemmet and before we went into combat are Battalion gave us orders to take out all the wind shields so that there would be no reflections off of them. My driver even took off the roof of the Hemmet so that he could stand up and fire. That time of the year saw a lot of rain.

On are first attack all I say was A10 tank killers and Apache Helicopters directly over are heads and in front of us. They saved our lives. We received mortars and incoming. For a time we were so close to the enemy that we had to have other firing batteries fire over are heads. Maybe that is why I go into flash backs and freak out when I’m around fireworks.

I also think that we were one of the first to reach the highway of death as it was called. I have had a lot more stressers as the VA would call them but I don't like to get into them. I still believe that they put us up front is because we were nuclear capable special weapons and all.

We were in Iraq for 6 months. Well as it goes after I got back from Iraq I became a alcoholic. My next duty station I got into trouble and was shipped off to El Paso, TX for alcohol treatment. I kept getting into trouble because I did not care about anything. I did receive a Bronze Star Medal for Iraq though.

When the army started to down size I figured that I would be the first to go and I was right. Instead of kicking me out they let me out by what they called Force Reduction and gave me separation pay and an honorable discharge that made it my 5th one.

In 2003, I received my first DUI after hitting 3 cars and going down a 40 foot embankment. Luck was going my way and no one was hurt. I then came up with a great idea and quit drinking and started ordering codeine online from overseas and at the same time going to school to become a Pharmacy Technician which as I look back was not such a great idea. I was getting most of my drugs from Spain and Romania, it would be delivered to my mail box. I was taking around 800mg a day.

This had to stop or I was going to die so I called the VA after going through the worst withdrawals of all times at home. I made an appointment with the VA in Menlo Park, CA. The women I talked to said I had PTSD, so after going through two inpatient thirty day drug and alcohol programs they sent me to the National Center for PTSD as an inpatient.

I was there for 72 days. It was very hard going through the trauma groups some people could not do it. I still have a lot of problems with depression, nightmares and most of the other things that go with PTSD. I got out of being an inpatient on 11/19/2004, and put in for PTSD disability on 11/30/2004.

I had my compensation and pension meeting and came up with a 36 gaff score. I am now 100% service connected and receiving 100% disability and considered nonemployable, I am also receiving disability through Social Security after being denied it 2 times. On the 3rd time about 2 weeks before I went to court, I received my paper work through the VA approving my 100% disability. I mailed this to the Social Security Office. When the day came to go to court I did not get a lawyer and they granted me full disability. I stay home all the time on the computer or watching TV. I have a very hard time trusting people.

Thank you for posting this. I have experienced some of these same symptoms from time to time since my last deployment. Other symptoms included were new to me, and I was very interested to see them. Thanks again, great information!