[beyond_blue]

I was just curious about the list of issues we are able to choose from to include on our profile page. I was wondering why survivor of childhood sexual abuse and survivor of childhood physical abuse were listed - but not survivor of childhood emotional abuse or neglect.

It took me decades to even begin to admit that I was emotionally abused by my mom. I still can't say it out loud. I cringe and feel guilt at the thought. I avoid the topic in therapy. I don't want to contemplate how much it hurt me or the extent of the damage done.

People have tried to tell me how serious emotional abuse is and how damaging it can be. Part of me feels relief that PsychCentral does not list survivor of childhood emotional abuse. It helps me believe that emotional abuse is not so bad. Another part of me wonders why it's not included.

I know not every issue can be included, but emotional abuse would kind of seem like an important one...maybe it's not.

[(JD)]

Hi! Good to hear you're working through your trauma.

I can't answer for admin, but can give you my thoughts.

ANY abuse received is "abuse". Even being neglected by a parent goes under the label of "abuse". Perhaps the site made the differentiation on those two labels so that those who were physically abused are not assumed to have endured sexual abuse?

Maybe a listing of "survivor of abuse" would help many who don't wish to itemize what type, when, and from whom?

[Evening]

I have to say that I was wondering the exact same thing and was thinking of asking why it wasn't there. This is not meant to be a stab at anyone, it's probably just my PTSD overreacting, but it kind of made me feel like my abuse wasn't valid yet again. My emotional/mental abuse was always brushed off as not that bad, even though it has messed me up so much, people always think straight away that it was physical or sexual and when they find out most of it wasn't they suddenly don't care. A lot of people didn't help me when I was being abused because it obviously wasn't 'that bad'. I'm very ashamed to admit to the type of abuse I received because I feel like I couldn't even be abused good enough to be validated.

I'm really sorry if that sounds bad, I would just really like to see mental/emotional/verbal abuse on the list. I went through it 3 times trying to find something that was suited to me.

[Evening]

In fact looking again at what JD said, is neglect on the list too? I was also neglected for 17 years and don't think I could find that either.

[sorrel]

Emotional abuse is there. I asked for it - and general dissociation - a while back. I have emotional abuse listed as my primary concern.

[beyond_blue]

sorrel, thank you for pointing this out. "Survivor of emotional abuse" is included in the secondary issue list. However, it is not included in any of the additional issues lists, which is where I was trying to find it. Explains why I missed it.

Perhaps "Survivor of childhood emotional abuse" and "Survivor of childhood neglect" should be placed in each list under/or alphabetically listed along with "Survivor of childhood physical abuse" and "Survivor of childhood sexual abuse."

Typically, whenever I've read anything about child abuse, (1) physical, (2) sexual, (3) emotional abuse and (4) neglect are the four 'types' most commonly listed.

I think it's important to include the word "childhood" as opposed to only survivor of emotional abuse because emotional abuse alone could mean emotional abuse in a relationship, on the job, in a social group, etc. "Childhood" emotional abuse is different.

I guess I'm being a little adamant on the topic because it's so painful for me. I spent my entire life denying I was abused because I was not beaten, nor was I molested. I was not neglected.

I came from a middle-class, 2-parent home with no domestic violence. My parents were involved in my school and extracurricular activities. When I was young, my parents rarely drank alcohol (this changed in my later teens). My childhood was perfect. Norman Rockwell could not have painted a prettier picture of my childhood. Or so I thought.

Part of the emotional abuse I endured was being told my life was perfect compared to my parents. I didn't appreciate all the things I had. I was ungrateful. If my parents had what I had, if they were given the support they gave me, they would have been able to accomplish so much more. Now, I live ashamed and embarrassed as the failure I am; knowing my parents gave me every opportunity in life to be a success and I failed.

I read comments from people, professional articles, books that say childhood emotional abuse is devastating for a child. I read this and still try to convince myself that my parents did not do wrong. I should have been a better child. I had every opportunity and I blew it. I don't deserve to blame my failures on abuse. I just should've been better.

I want to not post this. I want to just say never mind...forget it...it's not important. But it actually is important. I still struggle with saying I was emotionally abused as a child. I've cried writing most of this post. Being able to select "Survivor of childhood emotional abuse" as one of my issues would be difficult. Painful. Guilt-inducing. But perhaps, a little therapeutic?

I'm sorry if I've annoyed or angered anyone. Wasn't my intention.

[darkrunner]

Beyond Blue,
I just wanted to say thank you for sharing that - your post touched me. And I'm sorry for what you went through.
I'm glad you are speaking up about your feelings and I don't think anyone will be angered.

[googley]

I agree that survivor of childhood emotional abuse should be included with the other types of childhood abuse. It should also be included in all the drop down menus like everything else.

I also felt dismissed when I first came and did not see emotional abuse. I find it is often overlooked in so many situations and that because there are no bruises or broken bones it doesn't count. And it wasn't like anyone I reached out to growing up did anything to stop it. It was ignored by all those mandated reporters. Not that anyone could have done anything because there was no proof. And without proof I was left to deal with it on my own.

[beyond_blue]

Thank you all for sharing. I feel better knowing I'm not the only one who was feeling a little hurt about this. I'm always afraid to make waves or do anything that might aggravate someone. But knowing I'm not alone makes me feel better. Of course, I wish none of us knew how this felt! I'm sorry each of you were hurt. It hurts so much.

[Evening]

Can I ask a question, is emotional abuse and mental abuse the same thing? I always write mental/emotional abuse because I'm not sure of the difference. Sorry if that's slightly of topic.

[beyond_blue]

Evening, definitely not off topic! I'm not really sure there is a difference. I don't know why there are so many different names for it...or if they're different abuses. They seem interchangeable - emotional abuse, psychological abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse...

Medicinenet.com stated "Emotional child abuse is also sometimes termed psychological child abuse, verbal child abuse, or mental injury of a child." Here's a link to a fact sheet about emotional abuse.

ChildWelfare.gov suggested the majority of definitions of emotional abuse use wording such as: "injury to the psychological capacity or emotional stability of the child as evidenced by an observable or substantial change in behavior, emotional response, or cognition," or as evidenced by "anxiety, depression, withdrawal, or aggressive behavior."

Out of curiosity I googled the terms "emotional abuse," "psychological abuse" and "mental abuse." There were 813,000 hits on emotional abuse; 441,000 hits on psychological abuse; and 221,000 hits on mental abuse. I'm thinking, perhaps, that emotional abuse is just the more popular terminology. But it would be nice to know if there really is a difference! Good question.

[Evening]

Thanks for that, perhaps I'll look on Wikipedia and see if there are separate pages.
I kind of figured emotional abuse is when the abuser doesn't validate your emotions, if you get angry they make you seem like a bad person for it and up to no good, when you cry they treat you like a coward and make you look like you're weak, etc., and mental abuse is when they get into your mind and try to intentionally distort your way of thinking, put things in your head that aren't true.
Both of these have happened to me but I didn't know if there was a difference or the same sort of thing.

[(JD)]

The definitions are the same. Emotional/Mental/Psychological abuse.
Hugs to any who have suffered terribly from it. (But there is some in each and every family, especially as siblings learn and grow and mature, even if it's nothing more than done out of ignorance.)

The American Medical Association AMA describes Emotional Abuse as: "when a child is regularly threatened, yelled at, humiliated, ignored, blamed or otherwise emotionally mistreated. For example, making fun of a child, calling a child names, and always finding fault are forms of emotional abuse."

The definition is not etched in steel though...as abusers come in all shapes and sizes they also have their own peculiarities as to how to exact their abusive ways. I say this so that you don't become hung up on your exact results not being on any list on any of the various and sundry websites that exist for abuse support. There are also nuances to psychological abuse, for instance, when it reaches into the spiritual realm such as cults utilize.

There is an abundance of methods of abuse. I'm sorry you suffered.

This is a judgment call on the part of the webmaster though, as to how many different types of abuse listed. Right now I can't think of any other issue that would have so many different labels, that if not listed could feel emotionally unsupportive--or cause angst in wishing to make sure any reader know exactly what did or didn't happen to them. I'm sure DocJohn has considered, and may very well again, tweaking the list. He's that kind of doc!

[Evening]

Yeah I did a bit of looking around and found it is all the same. I remember I added it to my profile a few weeks ago now, I couldn't find it when I first signed up but I looked again later and it was there. I went on my profile earlier and saw it was already on my list and I remember, it's aaaall coming back to me now (I have a memory like a fish, it's going downhill rapidly).
But perhaps neglect could be added to the list?

Related phrases: psychological or emotional abuse psychological/emotional abuse emotional abuse or neglect verbal/emotional abuse mental or emotional abuse
Definitions of emotional abuse on the Web:

• Psychological abuse, also referred to as emotional abuse, is a form of abuse characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another to behavior that is psychologically harmful . ...
  en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_abuse
• includes parents' or caretakers' acts or omissions that cause or could cause serious conduct, cognitive, affective, or other mental disorders. For example, torture, close confinement or the constant use of verbally abusive language to harshly criticize and denigrate a child. ...
  preventchildabuseny.org/aboutchildabuse.shtml
• is the willful or reckless infliction of emotional or mental. Anguish or the use of a physical or chemical restraint, medication or isolation as punishment or as a substitute for treatment or care of any protected person.
  www.dhr.state.al.us/page.asp
• A pattern of behavior that impairs a child's emotional development or sense of self-worth. This may include constant criticism, threats, or rejection, as well as withholding love, support, or guidance. ...
  bts.dragonpack.com/definitions.shtml
• often results in various behavioral, emotional, or psychological problems.
  www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Child_abuse
• Verbally mistreating or withholding positive emotional support from a child. Emotional abuse involves an adult speaking to a child in ways that are intended to demean shame, threaten, blame, intimidate, or unfairly criticize the child.
  www.jjab.ky.gov/terms.htm
• Humiliation or intimidation of another person.
  www.psychiatric-disorders.com/dictionary/acutemania-eyemovementdesensitizationandreprocessing.php
• is the persistent emotional maltreatment of a child such as to cause severe and persistent adverse effects on the child's emotional development. It may involve conveying to children that they are worthless or unloved, inadequate, or valued only insofar as they meet the needs of another person. ...
  www.csasprocedures.uk.net/chapters/p_definitions.html

______________________

Mental or emotional abuse means the infliction of mental or emotional harm to a child or the causation of a child's deterioration. This term may include, but shall not be limited to, maltreatment or exploitation of a child to the extent the child's health is likely to be harmed.
www.srskansas.org/CFS/robohelp/PPMGenerate/0000_General_Information/0160_glossary.htm

What a powerful thread. I also was never SA'd, not hit very often, but the emotional abuse has left me almost non-existent. I am discovering that the phrase 'it doesn't matter' that I used to protect myself, has permeated my entire being. It is hard to stay on a path of healing when nothing about me matters. Threads like this remind me that maybe what happened to me did matter And maybe I do too.

You do matter, ripley. You are a valuable member of this Community.

May you find the path to healing.

i also think it would be good to have a category in the primary section for survivor of childhood emotional/verbal abuse. that is one of my main issues and i didn't realize survivor of emotional abuse was listed on any of the lists so i've now added it. it can be very hard to feel like emotional abuse "counts" compared to those who have had physical or sexual abuse but unfortunately it is all too real.