[-jimi-]

Is it just me or did the nature of chat change with the software change? There are suddenly all these new people I don't know and the people I know are not there much. I mean, nothing wrong with new people but it really feels like a different site.

Also, people collect in 1 or 2 rooms and the rooms get big, quite different from when more rooms were active and less people in each. Hardly anyone creates their own room now and they always used to.

So... am I dreaming this?

[Canyon]

Being one of the new people that you speak of, I don't really know how it was before. I have went into chat a very few times and the rooms do seem full.
I don't really go in unless I see a certain person there who has made me feel welcome. For the most part I get the feeling that there is a bit of a feeling that we new people are not quite as welcome there as people who have been there longer. It is at least the 2nd time I have seen it referenced here as something that causes you a bit of frustration (number of new people there).

[redbandit]

Originally Posted by jimi...

Is it just me or did the nature of chat change with the software change? There are suddenly all these new people I don't know and the people I know are not there much. I mean, nothing wrong with new people but it really feels like a different site.

Also, people collect in 1 or 2 rooms and the rooms get big, quite different from when more rooms were active and less people in each. Hardly anyone creates their own room now and they always used to.

So... am I dreaming this?

Totally agree! I hadn't been on chat in a while because of computer problems, but now I can access it on my phone or tablet. It seems like everybody hangs out in the lobby a lot too. That never happened when I used to get on chat .

[-jimi-]

I like new people, was just a bit of WOA when they all came at once instead of one at a time, LOL.

And I have to agree about the topics. I said in another thread that I thought things were going well, I take that back....

Chat room names lost ALL meaning. Support chat is for smalltalk it seems, coffeehouse is for sex talk it seems. Just so I don't step on toes, some chatters ARE really nice. But some lack respect for others and will just talk and hog support chat and someone who needs a little support is driven away.

It's so weird because I'm not the one to say you have to follow rules to the letter, but now it's like everything goes. It's not like you can report like 75 % of the chatters either. I mean if this is what the majority wants what am I to say?

Anyway I'm glad I'm not making this up in my head.

[DocJohn]

Folks, I've said this before and I'll say it again -- the only way things change is if people report members who are breaking the rules. If members are talking socially in emotional support chat, they should be encouraged to move to another room. Give us a list of names of members who refuse to do so, and they will be warned. Enough warnings, and that member will find their chat privileges suspended.

Same is true of sex talk -- which is inappropriate for anything other than the Adult room. A little flirting here and there is okay. But if you find your topic of conversation has moved primarily into sex, you need to MOVE the conversation. It takes all of a minute to agree to change rooms.

We have zero tolerance for members who don't respect these simple rules to make chat a safe place for all.

At the end of the day, like the forums themselves, chat is what our members make of it. We provide the platform, but it's up to all of our members to use it in the way it was primarily intended -- as a place to gain emotional or mental health support.

Thanks,
DocJohn

Originally Posted by DocJohn

...If members are talking socially in emotional support chat, they should be encouraged to move to another room.

That kind of thing doesn't work.

[-jimi-]

It would have worked reporting before, when the offenders were few. But if the "offenders" are EVERYONE but you at the moment? I don't think reporting is the best way, one reason is that it's hard on your emotions also it's hard practically because you would have to report like all the time.

I might be weak minded but I just cannot do it.... sorry.

I DO want to help making it a good place. I do want to offer my support but I feel I'm not strong enough to take up that space in chat anymore.

Also, if I was to start reporting a lot of people, I would micromanage my own behavior (like I'd feel I need to be super perfect or I have no case reporting someone) and I think I would wear out emotionally and start thinking bad of myself and doubting myself. Of course this is not anyone elses issues, maybe I'm just not made for the new chat.

[DocJohn]

Only members can make a better chat environment. We cannot do it for you...

Originally Posted by DocJohn

Only members can make a better chat environment. We cannot do it for you...

Originally Posted by JosieTheGirl

That kind of thing doesn't work.

I guess I could be more frank- this didn't work because when I tried doing this, even saying something akin to "this is the most sensitive way I know how to address this" and then trying to follow up and attempt to reduce someone giving themselves too much grief over the error,
I was reprimanded by staff. I felt pretty upset and embarrassed actually.

So, am I about to make any suggestions to any other members about anything at this point?

Absolutely not.
I don't really blame anyone else who is resistant to it either.
And then "reporting" doesn't really fix whatever the present situation happens to be, because people are trying to come into chat and have reasonable expectation of what they may encounter in each room. There is a delay on dealing with chat issues, so when they can't guess what might be talked about and are triggered, it is one more reason they feel upset just being on a support site.

I get that the moderators don't want to moderate the chat rooms. That is the set up of this particular site, though, not something that would be completely impossible anywhere, ever.

I mean, yes, members need to work to keep the board supportive as well. When the result of that is such a negative experience, why is anyone going to bother to try and do anything?

Just my point of view. I'm sure everyone else who might be dealing with emotional vulnerabilities, anxieties, difficulties with relationships [etc] finds it very easy to confront their peers and deal with conflict resulting from attempts to state ones own needs though, right?

[-jimi-]

Originally Posted by DocJohn

Only members can make a better chat environment. We cannot do it for you...

I don't think it is better or worse. I mean, most people who actually have not left, do like the chat environment as it is.

It's not like I can force the ones that left to come back.

You have to understand I'm not complaining, I just needed to know if I was just imagining things. Now I have validation so I am satisfied.

I know my own limits and I know I have a limited energy level and I have to be very careful about what I do with that energy. So once again, I am sorry I cannot be one who is a positive influence on chat, I will restrict the use of chat to when I feel it is beneficial for me.

If I would tell a whole room that are happy chitchatting in support chat, am I really doing them a favor? I doubt they see it that way. If I'm to try to be constructive, it has to be in a way where I feel it actually benefits someone. Or else I'm just wasting energy I don't have.

I'm sorry I don't have any solution based comments, but it means a lot to me to be validated. I hope that is a result that is acceptable, or did I say or do something really wrong?

[DocJohn]

Josie, it's not that the moderators don't "want" to moderate the chat rooms. It's that we do not ask them to to the level of providing 24/7 coverage. I've worked in environments where that was done, and you need dozens of people to be able to provide that coverage on a volunteer basis. We don't have dozens of people who've volunteered to do this sort of thing.

Since we offer this community as a free service and don't charge members for anything, we don't have the resources to "staff" the chat rooms 24/7. Plain and simple.

We try our best with the resources we have available. If that doesn't work for any particular member, then, as I've said elsewhere, the chat rooms may not be for you.

DocJohn

Originally Posted by jimi...

Is it just me or did the nature of chat change with the software change? There are suddenly all these new people I don't know and the people I know are not there much. I mean, nothing wrong with new people but it really feels like a different site.

Also, people collect in 1 or 2 rooms and the rooms get big, quite different from when more rooms were active and less people in each. Hardly anyone creates their own room now and they always used to.

So... am I dreaming this?

i don't see how it has much to do with the new style. People are people. Perhaps some of them are hesitant to try it or put off by it but that's nto the nature of the chat that's the problem, that's their choice and perspective. I'd be hesitant to blame the changes on this.

People have always congregated in a few rooms. Right now people dont' all know how to create rooms and hang out in the lobby. That's also just something people will have to change.

I think this is just something to do with the newness of it, but for the most part I feel it's a big improvement and hang in there, Jimi, people will come around and it will normalize, I believe

I understand your feelings. I just think in the long run it will be for good

[-jimi-]

Sandman, I think you are on something when you say some people don't understand they can create a room. That would explain the lack of more rooms and people more spread out as used to be. Maybe when they learn, things will be different.

Also I think the time when you needed no posts to chat caused the fast join by all the new people instead of the delay their posting would have caused.

Yea I hope it'll be good, some people cannot get in though and some can but cannot be seen on the list. I had none of those problems (all I get are all those false quits when someone looks like they left and they didn't), but I think it also counts for some missing people.