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Default Oct 05, 2022 at 12:52 PM
  #1
I have very rarely blocked members here, and most that I have I have eventually unblocked, because I try to forgive or the blocked member adequately apologizes. Or on rare cases, I have felt triggered by a member and needed relief from them, though usually temporarily. However, I have noticed a case where a member was blocked and yet they bypassed the block by reading the "blocker's" posts (plural) and then posted by a method ignoring the blocking. Sometimes the stress or wound that causes a member to block is still raw and they need time. Or, they truly need to keep a particular member blocked.

When one blocks a member, they should not continue to be contacted by that member, in any form. It can add stress or even feel like harassment, at the very worst. Generally this has never been an issue I have seen, but I have, recently. Imagine having a bully from school show up at your home front door? Actually, that happened to me when I was maybe 12 years old, and it was very distressing, as home is supposed to be a safe haven.

To the moderators and DocJohn, please tell me how this issue can be resolved? Please don't tell me they should suddenly be unblocked for a conversation with the blocked member. There are sometimes additional stressors in members' lives that make such conversations untimely or unfeasible.

I have seen members here complain about getting hugs or likes from a blocked member. I'm not personally picayune so much about that, but I understand those who are. However, beyond that? It can be too much.

Note examples of ways a blocked member may post to a blocker:

1. They simply type the blocker's name in a post that is eventually read by or communicated to the blocker.

2. They pretend that they "quoted" the blocker's post (that they read) by likely quoting another member, but then changing the member name and quote content in the quote code portion. Then the blocker sees it or hears about it. For example:

[Q*UOTE=Soupe du jour;7260589]Thanks for the kind words and support during this tough time for my family![/Q*UOTE]

to...

[Q*UOTE=DocJohn;7260579]I feel like going to the movies tonight. They are playing Star Wars at the City Theater.[/Q*UOTE]

Note that the quote above is not really a real one from DocJohn, it just demonstrates a type of possible manipulation.

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Last edited by Soupe du jour; Oct 05, 2022 at 01:33 PM..
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Default Oct 05, 2022 at 01:05 PM
  #2
Quote:
Originally Posted by Soupe du jour View Post
I have very rarely blocked members here, and most that I have I have eventually unblocked, because I try to forgive or the blocked member apologizes. However, I have noticed a case where a member was blocked and yet they bypassed the block by reading the "blocker's" posts (plural) and then responded by a method that ignored the blocking. Sometimes the stress or wound that causes a member to block is still raw and they need time. Or, they truly do need to keep a particular member blocked.

When one blocks a member, they should not continue to be contacted by that member, in any form. It can add stress or even feel like harassment, at the very worst. Generally this has never been an issue I have seen, but I have recently seen it. Imagine having a bully from school show up at your home front door? Actually, that happened to me when I was maybe 12 years old, and it was very distressing, as home is supposed to be a safe haven.

To the moderators and DocJohn, please tell me how this issue can be resolved? Please don't tell me they should suddenly be unblocked for a conversation with the blocked member. There are sometimes additional stressors in members' lives that make such conversations untimely or unfeasible.

I have seen members here complain about getting hugs or likes from a blocked member. I'm not personally picayune so much about that, but I understand those who are. However, beyond that? It can be too much.
i'm a bit confused by this now - how can a blocked member apologise to the member who has them blocked?

maybe this is a "willowtigger has no brain" thing, idk ......

Also, using the thanks or hug thing, maybe if the member that is on the block uses it, not realising that member has them blocked?
 
 
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Default Oct 05, 2022 at 01:13 PM
  #3
Hi Willow. See my add-on to the post above. For example:

Quote:
Originally Posted by willowtigger View Post
Hiya Soupe. I'm sorry I didn't get to join you for milkshakes last night, but I had to do some laundry.
The above could still be disobeying a block (if one would be made), but would convey an apology. Sort of a disobey with a good intention, but still not necessarily a welcome disobedience.

Example only. I know that you didn't really type the above.

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Default Oct 05, 2022 at 01:31 PM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Soupe du jour View Post
Hi Willow. See my add-on to the post above. For example:


The above could still be disobeying a block (if one would be made), but would convey an apology. Sort of a disobey with a good intention, but still not necessarily a welcome disobedience.

Example only. I know that you didn't really type the above.
I think that talk thing is (i believe) one way people get round the block (not sure what its called, tappytalk? idk, not a tech person)

I'm still unsure how it can be prevented - a member who is - unknown to them, on someone else's ignore - clicking hugs on a post

For example:

Quote:
Originally Posted by member doing the ignore
i feel sad tonight
*member on that person's ignore list clicks hug on the post, not knowing they are on ignore*

thats what i was meaning
 
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Default Oct 05, 2022 at 01:37 PM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by willowtigger View Post
*member on that person's ignore list clicks hug on the post, not knowing they are on ignore*

thats what i was meaning

But what if the blocked member does know they are on the blocker's blocked list? Thus, my example of a bully showing up at your home front door after school.

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Default Oct 05, 2022 at 01:43 PM
  #6
The ignore list is not meant to be 100% global to block out 100% interactions with another member. We simply don't have that capability.

What it does do is block the most obvious and frequent interactions, which tend to happen in posts and threads -- stopping you from seeing someone's posts who is on your ignore list. There is a huge exception to this that we are aware of but are unable to do much of anything about it: a user can see another person's posts/threads on Tapatalk app. The Tapatalk app is a third-party app we have no control over and unfortunately because of the additional programming we used to implement a better ignore list, it doesn't follow that programming.

Most infractions of someone's ignore list are generally innocent and not meant to violate another person's intentions. There's an old saying, "Never attribute to malice that which may be better explained by ignorance." Not saying it's true in 100% of the cases in our community, but it is more common than one might think (since how the ignore list works isn't necessarily straightforward).

If you're aware of a member violating your ignore list and you have reason to believe it is intentional, drop a PM to me or another administrator, and we will PM that member to clarify. What this means, however, is that other member will become aware that they are on your ignore list, because we will enforce a "mandatory ignore" that means that member is being directed by the community support team to no longer interact with you. Violations of this mandatory ignore order will result in a possible suspension of the person's account.

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Last edited by DocJohn; Oct 07, 2022 at 06:28 AM..
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Default Oct 05, 2022 at 03:21 PM
  #7
I have to agree with DocJohn. I have previously liked or given hugs to someone's post, having no clue I was on ignore (having never even interacted with the member). Then one day went to actually comment on their post and saw I was blocked. So I know often it may just be the person doesn't know. Also, one of the challenging things here is that member, myself included, may ignore and un-ignore people depending on our own mental state and what we're going through. That's totally okay, but it can also mean that someone does or doesn't know they are okay to interact or not.

I also agree with OP, that, in my experience, you can also tell when someone is intentionally doing so. But we all have to share the planet together, even with people we'd prefer not to be in the same space as us. I like to think of it as practicing my own internal ignore button. Who cares if they comment? I don't have to read it or care. It can be good practice for that, as an upside.

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Default Oct 05, 2022 at 03:29 PM
  #8
If it was honestly a case of didn't know, I guess the member would not get into a troubles over honestly not knowing that one member had them on ignore

i would hope so anyways .....
 
 
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Default Oct 08, 2022 at 05:26 PM
  #9
I got a question about the mandatory ignore thing cause I can't figure it out

If admin told both members to have each other on ignore, would that be binding forever, even if the ignorer (if that's a word) changed their mind, like years into the future decided they wanted to take the other member off ignore?

And cause of what happened elsewhere years ago I'm worried enough to ask this as well: if one of the two members decided to ignore the ignore instruction ( if this makes sense), which member would be the one to get admin after them? Elsewhere I remember I was following the instruction, other member wasn't and I was the one to get punished just cause she was admins pet member and could do no wrong in the female admins eyes

Edit: and the suspension thing, would that include if a member not involved in it, quoted the member who was using the ignore thing and the member who got told force ignore was in place, thanked the post that quoted the member they had to ignore? Idk if that makes sense, will try explaining better after I slept
 
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Default Oct 08, 2022 at 05:44 PM
  #10
Will try explain as short as I can actually:

Member A and Member B get forced ignore each other

Member C quotes Member A to say something

Member B thanks Member C's post

Would that be breaking the forced ignore instruction and get Member B banned?
 
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Default Oct 08, 2022 at 09:59 PM
  #11
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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour View Post
But what if the blocked member does know they are on the blocker's blocked list? Thus, my example of a bully showing up at your home front door after school.
I think it’s the same as in real life.

Most people are good natured and kind but some simply aren’t. So it’s no different from real life. Sadly some people just suck. Also I think that people who keep bugging you for no reason just aren’t well. They aren’t well enough to manage proper human interactions and properly function in a society. They need help, not a punishment. Pray that they get the help they need.

But if you could demonstrate that this person is deliberately harassing you or you suspect they do so, it’s wise to report it and mods will certainly look into it. Even if a person is unwell, they aren’t allowed to harass others

Of course some people just don’t know they are on ignore. But I have a feeling that honest mistake is not what’s being discussed here
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Default Oct 08, 2022 at 10:01 PM
  #12
Quote:
Originally Posted by willowtigger View Post
Will try explain as short as I can actually:

Member A and Member B get forced ignore each other

Member C quotes Member A to say something

Member B thanks Member C's post

Would that be breaking the forced ignore instruction and get Member B banned?
It’s wise to report questionable situations and mods will interfere if need to. I’d not worry about hypothetical situations
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Default Oct 09, 2022 at 09:45 AM
  #13
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Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
It’s wise to report questionable situations and mods will interfere if need to. I’d not worry about hypothetical situations
I admit I do come up with imaginary situations, cause somewhere else years ago i was told by a moderator to ignore another member, I followed that instruction but admin's pet member didn't do what the moderator said, and kept posting on my threads and kept coming into chat there when I was in there, then would say my username and try to get me to respond to her, really being blatant about doing so, and if i obeyed the moderator instruction, admin pet member ran to the admin complaining that she wasn't feeling welcome in the chat - so all of us in chat would get screamed at, if i reminded her that we had to ignore each other i would get punished for interacting with her, i could not "win" either way - she NEVER got punished for disobeying that instruction, even when she was literally going "willowtigger i'm trying to talk to you" etc and post in my threads, etc

its why i'm this worried about forced ignore, in case if i got forced ignore with any member here and the other member was to literally make posts of "willowtigger i'm trying to talk with you, respond to me" type of posts, that other place i was the one to keep getting punished, she never did simply cause she was admin's pet member - it seemed it was one rule for her, another rule for me

here though, if its a force ignore between two members, is it two-way or one-way? I mean:

Member A asks admin for a force ignore against member B

Then Member A keeps trying to get Member B into a trouble by blatantly posting to say "member B respond to my posts" etc - being obvious about doing so

Here, would Member A be allowed to do that, and Member B gets punished if they do respond (one way force ignore)

Or would Member A get into a trouble for doing that? (two way force ignore)

The admin on that forum i mentioned was a screamer, she wouldn't actually discuss the problem with any of us members, she would send a furious message pretty much screaming at us, i know i'm a bad member i dont need screamer admin screaming at me that i'm a terrible person and a bad member and anything else admin decide they want to say i am

edit: oh and the other way of getting round force ignore that i got taught by admin pet member on the other forum, was get member C involved and be like "can you pass a message on this is member A I need you, member C, to pass a message to member B for me" kinda thing (assuming member C does not know about the forced ignore between member A and member B)

common sense tells me that getting member C involved, passing messages on, would not be allowed but i need stuff in black and white cause my brain does not "do" grey areas too well

Last edited by Anonymous32448; Oct 09, 2022 at 09:59 AM..
 
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Default Oct 09, 2022 at 09:49 AM
  #14
"willowtigger your a terrible person and a BAD MEMBER and every time we so much as see your name on the forum even when what you said is perfectly within rules you are still a BAD MEMBER and your infecting this forum with badmemberness (if thats even a word) and your a forum pollution" etc , that kinda thing

(i know i'm a forum pollution and a bad member and anything else i missed, before i get reminded of any of that here)

shh now forum pollution
 
 
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Default Oct 09, 2022 at 08:15 PM
  #15
Willow, I understand you had bad experiences at another site that make you unsure of yourself, but this is not that place. Admin and mods here are fair. If you do something "wrong" they will have a calm discussion with you.

I'm going to use a personal example to illustrate my point. Many years ago I had a member on ignore. They said something that triggered me, I put them on ignore. They found a way around the ignore and kept trying to engage me. I was going batpoop crazy about their repeated attempts to contact me. I sent about eleven zillion PMs to admin and mods asking They do something. This all happened on a weekend. I got a response on Monday politely reminding me mods are all volunteers who might not be available on weekends. There was also a gentle suggestion that if I was being triggered by the site self-care would be to not visit the site for a little bit. No one yelled at me. No one banned me. No one suspended me.

Hon, I've noticed you've posted several threads worrying about you might "get in trouble" here for things that happened in the past at that other site. Would it help lower your anxiety if you reminded yourself that's not the way things are done at MSF?
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