[xenos]

Hi everyone,

I've never been involved with therapists before, and I would like to search for a good enough therapist to help me, esp, working with grief.

it seems that working out the grief can't be done alone, and I want to look for a good therapist. Any advice how to look in your area using the internet or anything else?

Thanks

[Skeezyks]

Hello xenos: The Skeezyks has seen a few different therapists for brief periods over the years. In my case, I never did find one I felt was worth the time & expense. However, I presume there are great therapists out there! It's just a matter of locating them.

You know... from my perspective... there aren't really any reliable ways to locate a "good" therapist. Therapy is such an individual process. A therapist who might be great with one person may be a dud with another. In my case at least, I haven't even ever had any success looking for therapists who specialize in treating people with a particular diagnosis, because all of the therapists I see listed anywhere in my geographic area seem to specialize in everything!

So, from my perspective again, I guess the best that I can suggest is to get some lists of therapists in your geographic area. Sources might include the internet, your local mental health association, your health insurance provider if you have one, friends, etc. See if any of these therapists do specialize in working with people with diagnoses you feel are relevant. Consider if you have any preferences with regard to age, gender, & educational background. (If you have health insurance & you're expecting them to pay all or part of the bill, they may also have something to say about who you can see.) Then you could begin to make some contacts either by phone or e-mail with a few of them & try to begin to narrow them down. But ultimately you're simply going to have to choose someone & try them. Sometimes it can take a few tries before you find someone you "click" with. In the end, it just comes down to doing a lot of spade work, so to speak. At least that's the way it's been for me. Good luck...

[xenos]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello xenos: The Skeezyks has seen a few different therapists for brief periods over the years. In my case, I never did find one I felt was worth the time & expense. However, I presume there are great therapists out there! It's just a matter of locating them.

You know... from my perspective... there aren't really any reliable ways to locate a "good" therapist. Therapy is such an individual process. A therapist who might be great with one person may be a dud with another. In my case at least, I haven't even ever had any success looking for therapists who specialize in treating people with a particular diagnosis, because all of the therapists I see listed anywhere in my geographic area seem to specialize in everything!

So, from my perspective again, I guess the best that I can suggest is to get some lists of therapists in your geographic area. Sources might include the internet, your local mental health association, your health insurance provider if you have one, friends, etc. See if any of these therapists do specialize in working with people with diagnoses you feel are relevant. Consider if you have any preferences with regard to age, gender, & educational background. (If you have health insurance & you're expecting them to pay all or part of the bill, they may also have something to say about who you can see.) Then you could begin to make some contacts either by phone or e-mail with a few of them & try to begin to narrow them down. But ultimately you're simply going to have to choose someone & try them. Sometimes it can take a few tries before you find someone you "click" with. In the end, it just comes down to doing a lot of spade work, so to speak. At least that's the way it's been for me. Good luck...

Hi Skeezyks,

Thank you very much for your thoughtful reply.

Yes I think you are absolutely right, its kinda hard to find someone who specializes in the issues you are after plus He or She will be understanding and compassionate enough to help you along the way. That's why when I browse the internet to look for therapist in my area, and when I read their specialty or at least what they are writing about themselves, I feel discouraged and skeptical toward him or her in helping me. I resorted to the self help book mostly. Figures like Beverly Engel, John Bradshaw, Pette Walker were themselves abused and neglected, and their writing and wisdom is something not to be missed.

My point is, unless the therapist has seen and felt the confusion, pain, and trauma. He or She won't be in a good position to empathize with those who need help. Reading something, and experiencing it are totally different things. I'm not saying most of the therapists can't do their job, but we tend (in my opinion) to be very sensitive and we can pick up the slightest signals of disinterestedness in the therapist, which I feel will make the problem even worse, whatever the problem we are facing.Pete Walker's book, Complex PTSD from surviving to thriving, has a whole chapter on the issues that can hinder the recovery if the therapist doesn't have what it takes to address and help the patient. initiating and working on the self very seriously and rigorously alone with the wisdom and guidance from those who were in our shoes is, in my opinion, the best thing to do. after all, no one knows ourselves best than us. Still, relational healing is very important, and I really, truly wish I can meet and see good enough therapist that can help me in my recovery journey. Unfortunately, this feeling of not trusting those therapists in my area is still existing whenever I want to take the decision and see someone.

Thank you again for sharing your experience with me, and all the best to you.