[leomama]

I started this thread on the divorce board but I am going to finish it here.

My family started having big health problems with my brother when I was 6 and to even talk about it makes me flinch because I'm waiting for someone to judge me. I've been slammed before for talking about how my brother's disability has negatively impacted my life. It is ironic that I have to worry about that.

My parents pretty much abandoned me when my brother got sick and unfortunately for me at that time I was going through my own transition. I had just been skipped past first grade and was getting bullied by the biggest, meanest girl in 2nd grade and they did not care.

It makes me angry to even talk about it now.

The very start of my life was rocky: I was an unplanned pregnancy to a woman who was living with one man, my father, and married to another, her husband.

My mother blamed me for crying as an infant as my parents lived in a 1 bedroom apartment . My life started out in trauma at conception.

I was a crisis pregnancy . Although my parents were living together I'm quite sure my mom was conflicted as she was raised Catholic. She tried to pass it off on my dad saying he wanted to abort me. Yes, I have learned that my mother has the traits of a psychopath .

As the movie title goes, welcome to me.

[RoseOfSharon]

Of course your brothers disabilities/illness would have had an impact on you. Anyone who says otherwise needs to start exercising some common sense.....
Yes, life can feel like a 24/7 flashback at times...
Rage against injustice.
Be gentle with yourself.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by RoseOfSharon

Of course your brothers disabilities/illness would have had an impact on you. Anyone who says otherwise needs to start exercising some common sense.....
Yes, life can feel like a 24/7 flashback at times...
Rage against injustice.
Be gentle with yourself.

I can't remember where this person attacked me but I'm still smarting from their blows. I don't think it was on psych central, I'm kind of still waiting to get smacked down here. I think it might have been on twitter but I don't know for sure. One of their children had a disability and I think they felt guilty.

It wasn't my brother that was the cause of my trauma, that didn't happen until this year, at that point in my life it was my parents.

My dad was kind enough to disclose to me what happened that year of my life.

He of course thinks he is the cause of my brother's disability, however I know my dad, it was my mom. I can not get him to stop covering up for my mom.

[Open Eyes]

It's good that you are talking about your challenges. It can be very difficult when one's history was that of "don't want to hear about your needs or feelings" is a message imprinted deeply in a person from an early age.

[leomama]

I appreciate it.

I'm considering starting a thread about father issues when I feel safe to do so.