[Ashkevron]

Hello,

I've been suffering anxiety/panic attacks since late october. I have lost all faith/trust in my partner since I found out he was meeting men off craigslist while he was on a business trip. The only thing he admitted to was sending his explicit picture and receiving explicit pictures and then meeting one (just one?) man. I found this out 2 days before christmas in 2014. The business trip he was on, for four weeks, was in August 2014. Had he not asked me to email him a file from his laptop, I never would have found out anything. I never would feel betrayed, upset, lied to.

For two years now it's been like my life is on edge. I'm never fully trusting of anyone. I believe maybe %20 of what my partner tells me. I always have the urge to check up on him and/or question the things he does. I didn't know what I was experiencing was PTSD (or partner induced PTSD) but all the symptoms are there and it pinpoints exactly how I feel.

I'm not imaging things either since that day. When I walk into the room he closes his laptop or phone quickly. He gets irritable if I ask him what time he'll be home or how late he plans on being when he says "late". He has started to become sexually interested in various sex toys and chastity devices. None of this is conversed with me or shared with me until after the fact. Most recently I was informed (not discussed) that he will undergo liposuction (this procedure has already been done, cost about 8k, but he complains he is living paycheck to paycheck.) If he feels I have been looking at his phone, laptop etc he calls the police. We have had officers come by on two occasions because he felt his rights are being violated and things will become violent. One time he misplaced his phone and came at me and accused me of having it.

I have thoughts of just packing up what I can and leave. I have thoughts of telling his workplace that he's abusive and a safety risk so he'll be fired. I have thoughts of trashing all his phones/computers etc. I'm angry all the time. I'm suspicious all the time. After 7 years of being together, I realize I don't know this person and the more I learn I know I wish I never met him. But I'm stuck. I was laid off and my unemployment has run out. I cannot ask my partner for help because it will end up in another argument and I'm tired. I can't handle another argument, another sleepless night, another day of stress and pain from worry. Love is not going to save this relationship, I'm driving myself insane, and I'm worried if i don't do something I'm going to be in jail for a narcissist playing the victim game to alleviate his guilt.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Ashkevron: Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry you find yourself to be in such a difficult situation. It sounds as though you really need to find a way to exit this relationship. But in the meantime, hopefully, being here on PC can be of some comfort & support. I wish you well...

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Ashkevron

Hello,

I've been suffering anxiety/panic attacks since late october. I have lost all faith/trust in my partner since I found out he was meeting men off craigslist while he was on a business trip. The only thing he admitted to was sending his explicit picture and receiving explicit pictures and then meeting one (just one?) man. I found this out 2 days before christmas in 2014. The business trip he was on, for four weeks, was in August 2014. Had he not asked me to email him a file from his laptop, I never would have found out anything. I never would feel betrayed, upset, lied to.

For two years now it's been like my life is on edge. I'm never fully trusting of anyone. I believe maybe %20 of what my partner tells me. I always have the urge to check up on him and/or question the things he does. I didn't know what I was experiencing was PTSD (or partner induced PTSD) but all the symptoms are there and it pinpoints exactly how I feel.

I'm not imaging things either since that day. When I walk into the room he closes his laptop or phone quickly. He gets irritable if I ask him what time he'll be home or how late he plans on being when he says "late". He has started to become sexually interested in various sex toys and chastity devices. None of this is conversed with me or shared with me until after the fact. Most recently I was informed (not discussed) that he will undergo liposuction (this procedure has already been done, cost about 8k, but he complains he is living paycheck to paycheck.) If he feels I have been looking at his phone, laptop etc he calls the police. We have had officers come by on two occasions because he felt his rights are being violated and things will become violent. One time he misplaced his phone and came at me and accused me of having it.

I have thoughts of just packing up what I can and leave. I have thoughts of telling his workplace that he's abusive and a safety risk so he'll be fired. I have thoughts of trashing all his phones/computers etc. I'm angry all the time. I'm suspicious all the time. After 7 years of being together, I realize I don't know this person and the more I learn I know I wish I never met him. But I'm stuck. I was laid off and my unemployment has run out. I cannot ask my partner for help because it will end up in another argument and I'm tired. I can't handle another argument, another sleepless night, another day of stress and pain from worry. Love is not going to save this relationship, I'm driving myself insane, and I'm worried if i don't do something I'm going to be in jail for a narcissist playing the victim game to alleviate his guilt.

Sounds like you do need to try to get away from that relationship, but I understand the no job could make that very hard. Any friends or family you could stay with until you get on your feet? It's been my experience that once that trust is broken the relationships never is the same, neither party ever happy again and it's just not worth staying in it and driving yourself crazy. There's a saying "I would rather be alone than in the wrong relationship" unknown who wrote that but it was a very wise person indeed. Give it some thought and try to find some options, you deserve better than that.

[Ashkevron]

Originally Posted by Trace14

Sounds like you do need to try to get away from that relationship, but I understand the no job could make that very hard. Any friends or family you could stay with until you get on your feet? It's been my experience that once that trust is broken the relationships never is the same, neither party ever happy again and it's just not worth staying in it and driving yourself crazy. There's a saying "I would rather be alone than in the wrong relationship" unknown who wrote that but it was a very wise person indeed. Give it some thought and try to find some options, you deserve better than that.

Yes, I feel that once something is broken in this way, it can never be the same. I have felt this crushing weight all day and I don't know how to manage it. I think being alone may be better than this. I do have friends/family but I really feel like I'm burdening them, especially since I have no income at the moment (but I'm trying to land something, so hopefully soon!)

Thank you for your reply.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Ashkevron

Yes, I feel that once something is broken in this way, it can never be the same. I have felt this crushing weight all day and I don't know how to manage it. I think being alone may be better than this. I do have friends/family but I really feel like I'm burdening them, especially since I have no income at the moment (but I'm trying to land something, so hopefully soon!)

Thank you for your reply.

You are very welcome and I hope things work out for you, they will. Trust me, it will be hard, but you will come out so much better at some point. Get you a job, find a new love, enjoy life and put that other relationship behind you. You can do this. But you need to get out a.s.a.p. staying there is not doing anything good for either of you, especially you. Maybe feeling like you are burdening friends and family may jump start you into working harder at finding that job, or any job. Best wishes to you.