[Fuzzybear]

I remember when my mother died (she had "rejected" me in many ways) - I cried even though I was taking meds... this horrible dreadful bear cried in front of aunts ... one aunt sat there stony faced (this aunt in particular had a foul temper but always blamed me...) but the other aunt looked at me with compassion in her eyes and said "oh fuzzy"

I think this was a glimpse of lucidity, that I was not and never was the bad, terrible bear, the scapegoat who deserved to be so..

Unfortunately, and I'm sure this is not new to some, a therapist I saw for too long also "failed" to provide a nurturing environment.. I feel too battered, like tatty teddy to try to trust another therapist. But maybe I'll have to try

(I didn't have enough money for a long time to pay another therapist.. I kinda do now but other major stuff is.... )

[SoupDragon]

Hugs fuzzy. My T tells me to be careful with my trust. Maybe it is built a very little at a time and we can choose who to trust with what. Trust is an issue for me too, although maybe not the trust in itself, but the sense of betrayal when it is breached.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I remember when my mother died (she had "rejected" me in many ways) - I cried even though I was taking meds... this horrible dreadful bear cried in front of aunts ... one aunt sat there stony faced (this aunt in particular had a foul temper but always blamed me...) but the other aunt looked at me with compassion in her eyes and said "oh fuzzy"

I think this was a glimpse of lucidity, that I was not and never was the bad, terrible bear, the scapegoat who deserved to be so..

Unfortunately, and I'm sure this is not new to some, a therapist I saw for too long also "failed" to provide a nurturing environment.. I feel too battered, like tatty teddy to try to trust another therapist. But maybe I'll have to try

(I didn't have enough money for a long time to pay another therapist.. I kinda do now but other major stuff is.... )

Fuzzy you are a warm and caring bear. But we all have that human side to us that makes us not perfect. Life is a learning process and we make mistakes when we learn. But making mistakes doesn't mean you are uncaring and mean bear. Those people didn't know how to cherish what that had in such a kind and loving bear. That was their issue and problem, that doesn't mean you were unworthy of love. Look how many people here love you.
As far as a new T, I think you should take a chance with one. Maybe talk to some other people that have used this T before. Do some background checks on this new T. Have you thought about online therapy? I used one for a while and they were reasonably priced but they were not really geared to handle multiple traumas IMHO. But it might be something you want to try. It was nice not having to leave home to do therapy. Finding the right T is like finding Prince Charming, got to kiss a few toads before the Prince is found
Just know we care about you and love you. We are here for you.

[Unrigged64072835]

So sorry Fuzzy, that people IRL treat you badly. Hope you do find a good T.