[xenos]

Hi everyone.

The following exercise is taken from Beverly Engel book, Healing your emotional self. It helps I think in recognizing the inner critic. Sometimes it just feels frightening just to discover that the inner critic does not belong to you!!, so you might want to do this exercise when you feel grounded and composed.


"The following is an adaptation of a Gestalt Therapy exercise. It was developed to expose the inner self-critical dialogue that many of us have going on in our heads without realizing it.
1. Sit comfortably with your eyes closed. Imagine that you are facing a mirror and are able to look at yourself as you sit in the chair. Notice how this image—this person who is facing you—is sitting. What are you wearing? What kind of facial expression do you see?
2. Now criticize this image of yourself as if you were talking to another person. It works best if you talk out loud. Tell yourself what you should and shouldn’t do. It will help if you begin each sentence with, “You should __________ ” or “You shouldn’t __________ .” Criticize yourself for several minutes, allowing everything you can think of to come out. Pay close attention to your voice as you criticize yourself.
3. Imagine that you change places with the person facing you—the image of yourself in the mirror. Become the person who was criticized and answer the charges. What do you say in response to these critical comments? What does the tone of your voice express? How do you feel as you respond to these criticisms?
4. Switch roles and become the critic again. As you continue this dialogue, be aware of what you say, how you say it, the tone of your voice, and how you feel. Pause occasionally to listen to your words and to let yourself experience them.
5. Continue to switch roles whenever you feel like it, but continue this dialogue. Notice what is going on inside you as you do this. Notice how you feel both physically and emotionally in each role. Does the voice that is doing the criticism sound like anyone you know? What else are you aware of in this interaction? Continue this dialogue for a few minutes longer and notice any changes as you continue.
6. Sit quietly and review all that transpired during this dialogue. You may wish to write down your feelings and insights. For example, you probably experienced some kind of split or conflict between a powerful, critical, authoritative part of you that demands that you change, and another less powerful part of you that makes excuses, apologizes, or evades the issue. It may seem that you are divided into a parent and a child. The parent (or, in Gestalt lingo, the “topdog”) is always trying to get control to change you into something “better,” and the child (or “underdog”) is continually evading these attempts to change. You may have noticed that the demanding, critical voice sounded like one of your parents or perhaps someone else in your life who makes demands on you, or another authority figure who controls you."

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by xenos

Hi everyone.

The following exercise is taken from Beverly Engel book, Healing your emotional self. It helps I think in recognizing the inner critic. Sometimes it just feels frightening just to discover that the inner critic does not belong to you!!, so you might want to do this exercise when you feel grounded and composed.


"The following is an adaptation of a Gestalt Therapy exercise. It was developed to expose the inner self-critical dialogue that many of us have going on in our heads without realizing it.
1. Sit comfortably with your eyes closed. Imagine that you are facing a mirror and are able to look at yourself as you sit in the chair. Notice how this image—this person who is facing you—is sitting. What are you wearing? What kind of facial expression do you see?
2. Now criticize this image of yourself as if you were talking to another person. It works best if you talk out loud. Tell yourself what you should and shouldn’t do. It will help if you begin each sentence with, “You should __________ ” or “You shouldn’t __________ .” Criticize yourself for several minutes, allowing everything you can think of to come out. Pay close attention to your voice as you criticize yourself.
3. Imagine that you change places with the person facing you—the image of yourself in the mirror. Become the person who was criticized and answer the charges. What do you say in response to these critical comments? What does the tone of your voice express? How do you feel as you respond to these criticisms?
4. Switch roles and become the critic again. As you continue this dialogue, be aware of what you say, how you say it, the tone of your voice, and how you feel. Pause occasionally to listen to your words and to let yourself experience them.
5. Continue to switch roles whenever you feel like it, but continue this dialogue. Notice what is going on inside you as you do this. Notice how you feel both physically and emotionally in each role. Does the voice that is doing the criticism sound like anyone you know? What else are you aware of in this interaction? Continue this dialogue for a few minutes longer and notice any changes as you continue.
6. Sit quietly and review all that transpired during this dialogue. You may wish to write down your feelings and insights. For example, you probably experienced some kind of split or conflict between a powerful, critical, authoritative part of you that demands that you change, and another less powerful part of you that makes excuses, apologizes, or evades the issue. It may seem that you are divided into a parent and a child. The parent (or, in Gestalt lingo, the “topdog”) is always trying to get control to change you into something “better,” and the child (or “underdog”) is continually evading these attempts to change. You may have noticed that the demanding, critical voice sounded like one of your parents or perhaps someone else in your life who makes demands on you, or another authority figure who controls you."

Have you done this yet? Any surprises?

[reb569]

Maybe someday I will be able to do something like that, but right now my inner critic is too strong. I don't think I could successfully do this.

[TrailRunner14]

If it's ok. I have an inner critic that I first called "the swirling words" and they were always negative and always attempted to make me feel stupid and worthless.

It's been there for years that I've been meeting with my counselor. Recently, it came forward. I could feel that it was a very nervous abandon part that didn't know any better than to think the negative thoughts that I heard.

Just wanted to put that here. I've asked that part of me to tell me the negative things it thinks, very loudly and on purpose, so we can decide what the truth is.

I think critics are very wounded and alone parts that are speaking from that. They don't know that they are loved and valued.

My thoughts.

[xenos]

Originally Posted by Trace14

Have you done this yet? Any surprises?

I spoke with Pete Walker yesterday. I told him I'm trying to figure out if the inner critic is really a voice that does not belong to me. He told me that the inner critic is Your voice which makes a lot of sense. Its the superego of our personalities that's gone haywire.

He told me that quieting the inner critic is a major work that we should pay attention to. It also makes sense because shame, depression, and low-self esteem are caused by the inner critic.

So if you do this exercise and you find nothing, it's fine.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by xenos

I spoke with Pete Walker yesterday. I told him I'm trying to figure out if the inner critic is really a voice that does not belong to me. He told me that the inner critic is Your voice which makes a lot of sense. Its the superego of our personalities that's gone haywire.

He told me that quieting the inner critic is a major work that we should pay attention to. It also makes sense because shame, depression, and low-self esteem are caused by the inner critic.

So if you do this exercise and you find nothing, it's fine.

That's interesting. So how do you quieten the inner critic? There must be a safe balance that you have to attain with the inner critic, because it will always be with us. Is the inner critic always something negative?

[xenos]

Originally Posted by Trace14

That's interesting. So how do you quieten the inner critic? There must be a safe balance that you have to attain with the inner critic, because it will always be with us. Is the inner critic always something negative?

It's takes a lot of work and mindfulness to shrink it I guess. You can refer to Pete's book on the 14 most common critic attacks in Chapter 9: Shrinking The inner Critic.

For me perfectionism is my biggest problem, because I always polarize to all-or-non thinking. It's very difficult to let go of it.

I just took this quote from Pete's book

"The work of shrinking the critic is one of the most essential processes of recovery. As obvious as its value may seem as you read this, embracing the task of renouncing the critic is much more challenging than it may seem at first blush. The critic’s programs are not only burned deeply into our psyches by our parents, but we also unknowingly emblazon them into our minds by mimicking our parents. We are now the key reinforcing agents of their toxic legacy. With little mindfulness of it, we injure ourselves with countless angry, self-disgusted repetitions of their judgments. Recovery now depends on you withdrawing your blind allegiance to this terrible process of only noticing yourself negatively."

I'm not sure how to answer your question of is the inner critic always something negative... I'm trying to correlate thoughts that affect my mood negatively with critical inner attacks... like if I say to myself I'm stupid... then this thought will make me depressed, worthless, etc, then I must be mindful about saying to myself I'm stupid.

Hope this helps

I think critics are very wounded and alone parts that are speaking from that. They don't know that they are loved and valued.

Yes TrailRunner, I think so too. That we have to accept them; accept all parts of ourselves. And own our darker parts because we can't accept them if we don't own them.

Thanks for taking the time to posting this xenos. I'm going to try the gestalt tomorrow. I Really need to spend more time healing, taking care of myself, trying to develop self-compassion...as I'm a basket case right now.

What if your inner critics are dissociated introjects, and there's 2 of them that were dissociated. This is in addition the superego/parents voice?

My inner critic comes out in bursts. Other times its quiet. Other times introjects come out. I'd like to get these books and really put my mind to completing some of the exercises. I want to do so much because I'm feeling desperate, like I can't go on anymore. Everything is too much and too overwelming. Need to work on self-compassion to get my by. I don't know how.

Has this helped for you? How does doing the Gestalt change your outlook afterwards?