[SoupDragon]

This is hard for me.

It seems to spill over into every aspect of my life. There are a few people who I do feel safe with IRL (unfortunately my T not always being one of those).

I know I catastrophise. This week my son was invited to spend a day with a friend. I was totally ok with that. I didn't know his friend or parents well, but had met them and felt positive towards them. The morning before dropping him off, they texted to ask him to bring his swimming costume. That totally freaked me. I have a big issue with the sea and wanted to interrogate them, set down rules etc. I was really anxious about it.

Because of my reaction, due to a past experience, I really struggled to gauge how much I was over-reacting. I know life is never 100% safe and I didn't want my fears to become my sons fears.

I had to tell myself, that they wouldn't want anything bad to happen to him and also give my son some credit himself, for his safety, with some guidance.

It's like I have to carry the responsibility of everything and everyone and not only can that be exhausting, but also unrealistic.

So I guess the purpose of this post, is just an enquiry of how to develop realistic levels of trust, when I have had experience of bad things happening.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

This is hard for me.

It seems to spill over into every aspect of my life. There are a few people who I do feel safe with IRL (unfortunately my T not always being one of those).

I know I catastrophise. This week my son was invited to spend a day with a friend. I was totally ok with that. I didn't know his friend or parents well, but had met them and felt positive towards them. The morning before dropping him off, they texted to ask him to bring his swimming costume. That totally freaked me. I have a big issue with the sea and wanted to interrogate them, set down rules etc. I was really anxious about it.

Because of my reaction, due to a past experience, I really struggled to gauge how much I was over-reacting. I know life is never 100% safe and I didn't want my fears to become my sons fears.

I had to tell myself, that they wouldn't want anything bad to happen to him and also give my son some credit himself, for his safety, with some guidance.

It's like I have to carry the responsibility of everything and everyone and not only can that be exhausting, but also unrealistic.

So I guess the purpose of this post, is just an enquiry of how to develop realistic levels of trust, when I have had experience of bad things happening.

Bad things are going to happen, that's how life works. Hopefully things will not be so bad that there's not a recovery for it. You did good to let him go and not be over protective and rationalize that he would be okay. That he has gone off before and come back okay and that you have to let them make their own mistakes and learn. The parents job is to raise kids to have a basic understanding of life, morals, respect and judgement. If you have done a good job with that ......it's all you can do, except to be there for when they fall. They will, and you will be there. We all had to go through those pangs of growing up into a responsible adult. Some had to do it way to early though and that's sad when a kid can't be a kid in any situation.
Just work on that balance with trust. Find what's comfortable for you.