Feeling extremely bereft right now.

Re-posting something I created (2016) to acknowledge & honor this feeling.


*Click On Pic For Larger Image

It took me so long to find the words for this feeling of deep emptiness that engulfs me.

I've lived with this my whole life and there doesn't seem to be a remedy anywhere in sight.

As painful as it is, I am relieved I was at least finally able to articulate it.

[Skeezyks]

Thanks for sharing this. I hope that in some way you will be able to find your way through your struggle.

Thank you, @Skeezyks.

Your kind words & support are very much appreciated ...

Always,
Pfrog

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for sharing this Pfrog

You are welcome ((( @Fuzzybear ))) ... It's good to see you!
________

I'm feeling so lost and adrift right now.

I think maybe it's got to do with me letting my job become my identity.

Now that I'm not able to do that anymore, I'm feeling detached.

The uncertainty of the outcome has me worried as well.

Needless to say with the mental health issues and the physical health issues and all that's going wrong in the universe right now ...

Pfrog is definitely not in a very good space.

[Fuzzybear]

Pfrog

[Wild Coyote]

Pfrog,

What a wonderful piece of art!
You are very kind to share your work with us.

I am sorry you are suffering psychologically as well and physically.
you have a wonderful spirit. I hope you'll find the strength to successfully get through this rough patch.

Please take excellent care!

[SnappingRope]

I've thought about these things a lot also. Doubt is the solvent of the psyche. Question anything and you dissolve your faith in it. My default position is to question, and so anywhere I point my consciousness I dissolve all faith in what I behold.

For me I don't know why that is exactly - I have hypotheses,bit nothing concrete - but for a person who knows they have a complex traumatic past it comes from a constant need to interrupt expression with self-reflection. You have to question your impulses before they flow out of you because allowing them to flow outward meant facing recrimination. So in order to avoid external recrimination you become your own surveillance police:

You have an impulse, stop the impulse, look at the impulse questioning whether its expression would lead to recrimination... By that point it doesn't matter whether letting the impulse go would have met with recrimination or not, because the impulse is already lost and you've already given up your chance to express and enjoy that moment.

By questioning yourself in this way you gradually dissolve the natural progress of desire to impulse to expression, and nothing you do is fulfilling, and nothing has meaning, and you've dissolved all the threads of meaning that would have woven you into a real person. What you're left with is a vast mess of patchwork pieces of self, broken apart and strewn about in chaos where there aught to be a cohesive quilt.

This is a poetic and vivid expression of what being constantly vigilant and externally referent feels like to me. Great analogies.

When I can't experience and express a sensation in the moment because I'm anticipating shaming or outright violence, then I lose the sense of fulfillment and meaning that others gain from simply being. I'm referring to others outside me for permission rather than allowing my own internal processes to vivify positive sensations.

I find insights like yours to help me when I can take them from my head to my lived, present moment experience.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Pfrog

Feeling extremely bereft right now.

Re-posting something I created (2016) to acknowledge & honor this feeling.


*Click On Pic For Larger Image

It took me so long to find the words for this feeling of deep emptiness that engulfs me.

I've lived with this my whole life and there doesn't seem to be a remedy anywhere in sight.

As painful as it is, I am relieved I was at least finally able to articulate it.

Thank you for sharing this.