[MuddyBoots]

My T said it seems like I am in survival mode at least 99% of the time. I feel it. During a recent IP stay I managed to turn that off and it felt fking fantastic. I slept like 20 hours a day, stopped shaking like a tweaker most of the time, and did not fear for my life any time someone made eye contact with me. I didn’t feel as foggy when I was awake.

Now that I’m back to couch surfing and going back and forth between friends, family, respite houses, crisis centers, and other shelters, I’m feeling it again.

At what point do I go back to IP in Boston? Is it possible to feel better before finding more permanent shelter? (I’ve been applying to low income/subsidized housing but everywhere has a ridiculous waitlist even for the homeless)

I’m starting to feel the emptiness, dp/dr, the SI at times, and the feeling that I am just treading water in shark infested waters that I felt before a nearly successful sui attempt.