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#1
This holiday season is proving particularly difficult for me ... I'm feeling very sad, lonely and dejected.
Possible trigger:
Last edited by Anonymous41006; Dec 25, 2018 at 09:49 AM.. Reason: Added Trigger Brackets ... |
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Fuzzybear, may24, Open Eyes, Skeezyks
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#2
This is what's so nefarious about C-PTSD and its intrusive memories and flashbacks.
I do not like having them, but they are there nonetheless. I'm trying to be present in the here and now, but they keep stealing that away from me too. I've all but given up on any future that I should've been supposed to have. I'm losing this battle. |
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Fuzzybear, Skeezyks
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#3
I'm so sorry you had this dreadful experience. I can't even imagine being treated the way you were. I hope that, in some way, you can manage to find a path to deep peace within... |
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Anonymous41006, Fuzzybear
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#4
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Anonymous41006
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#5
I have it too. Xmas is the worst time of the year for me. I don't even remember yesterday. Today I've meditated almost 4 hours and walked 5 miles, and I'm in a condition where I can at least verbalize how I'm feeling and have been feeling...not feeling good, but I can describe it, and there's nothing I've ever been able to do about it except wait for it to go away until next time xmas rolls around.
The way I feel I liken to the violence of a roll-over car accident. Every Xmas I have to get back in that car and go for that damn ride and wait for the roll-over. I'm not driving sometimes, but sometimes it might even be me who is doing the driving. No idea where the car is going, I just have to be in it and the roll-over happens no matter how much I wish the car could stay on the road. And I didn't see my family and never do on xmas any more, but I still have to get in that imaginary car. Imagine once a year you have to get in a car that is going to be in a violent crash and you can't say no, you have to get in the car, there is no excuse to get out of it... Right now I literally feel like I was in a roll-over a few hours ago and I'm incredulous that I got out of the wreck alive... Oh and if I had been in a wreck, I could bring people to the junk yard and show them the wreck I survived...but with a family, there's no concrete evidence like this. More than likely you try to get help and the family member will say, "I know your mother, and she wouldn't do that!" |
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Anonymous41006, Open Eyes
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#6
One of the things that makes birthdays, holidays and anniversaries so bad is the flashbacks ... My memories are anything but good memories ... For once when someone is talking about all their good memories and asks me about mine, instead of lying I'd like to be able to be honest and talk about how things really were ... But this isn't how our society works and oh how badly we are judged as defective and weak because we can't just get over it ... |
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may24
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