[phobosdeimos]

I’m doing really good. I’m finally getting past, well, my past. However i grew up isolated. That isolation and my hyper vigilance get in the way of being a social person.

Socially I’ve been known to be very honest, quick, and straight to the point. Which is weird because this is a turnoff for a lot of people. Think Tyrion from game of thrones. Just today i had a woman tell me I’m “so smart.” This was a turn off for me because my being smart had nothing to do with the subject of the conversation. It seemed a waste of time to acknowledge her, it would be counterproductive. So i ignored her. I do the same thing at check out at the store. Someone in line or the cashier will strike up a conversation. I will be brief or somewhat stand off-ish. I’m not trying to be rude i just come off that way. I don’t want to say to everyone, “I have a mental health problem”.
This behavior then creates a void for people to insert their narrative of me.
Perfect example, my wife’s aunt has assumed I’m abusing my wife. We were at a party and i was overwhelmed so i asked my wife we could leave. My wife quickly gathered the children and we left. The aunt assumed because I’m quiet that I threatened my wife at the party which is why we left so abruptly. She has gone as far as to tell my wife to divorce me.

I know the line... “We cannot control the thoughts and feelings of others, we can only control how we feel.” Psych 101.
But I’m tried of all the narratives that people create about me. So I need help.
How do i better communicate to people without communicating to them i have a mental health problem?

[sarahsweets]

The Aunt needs to butt out and if your wife is somehow engaging her in gossip, its unfair to you. (not saying she is, just if)

[phobosdeimos]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

The Aunt needs to butt out and if your wife is somehow engaging her in gossip, its unfair to you. (not saying she is, just if)

Lol. No my wife is my hero, my first line of defense . She’s helped me through all of this.

[Fuzzybear]

I don’t have ideas on how to be social Hopefully someone else will

[sarahsweets]

Sorry I didnt mean to insinuate your wife was at fault. I am very social and always have been, and I think a lot of it has to do with being adhd for me and always being friendly. I think sometimes its more natural for some people. Have you been deeply hurt in your life in a way that makes you wary of getting close or even friendly with people. Sometimes its almost like trauma for people who have been let down or abused or taken advantage of by people and they are really gun-shy of it happening again. Do you think that could be it?

[mountainstream]

[LifelongLoner]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I don’t have ideas on how to be social Hopefully someone else will

Hi. What are your hobbies? Do you participate in any sports?

[Ashleypenwren]

Maybe preparing for commom situations? Like in the grocery store, create some preplanned responses such as discussing a local event. Or if the cashier asks about your day practice answering then responding back with a question about theirs. If it's a family event do some research - if you know your brother in law just went on vacation, ask him about it. People love when you ask them for their knowledge so for example you could ask "What site did you use to book your hotel? What did you think about this pkace compared to (some other place?)" Etc.