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RoxanneToto
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Default Apr 24, 2021 at 09:18 AM
  #21
I can relate, though when it comes to certain life choices I’ve made, I’m Teflon coated when it comes to other people’s criticisms/requests for me to justify myself - namely staying single and not wanting children. A lot of other things, though? Yeah, I also feel I have to justify myself and feel bad about things I like if others don’t, including hobbies and musical taste. I’ve got a bit better over time, though.
We’re all different and I frequently remind myself there’s no reason I have to mirror anyone else to the point I lose myself.
It’s better to be disliked for who you are than liked because you’re being what other people want.
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Default Apr 24, 2021 at 09:21 AM
  #22
A self help book I read said to not rescue someone, rather don’t offer to help and let them handle it by themselves. So I tried this with the latest from my mother; a broken faucet issue she catastrophized. But, it gave me nightmares that night. In the morning, I transferred a few hundred dollars to her account as my contribution to help. She hadn’t outright asked me for the money. It’s just that she is in a situation where she has very little cash flow, so she harps on my sympathy whenever we speak. I coughed up the money to ease my conscience and to not feel traumatized. I have a long way to go to get to No is a complete answer.

P.s. The next time I called her she had no recollection she had even told me about the faucet and that I had helped at all. She again told me about the trauma of fixing the faucet, total catastrophizing, and zero memory of how i had given her the money to have had a professional handle the whole thing.

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Default Jul 08, 2021 at 12:06 PM
  #23
Quote:
Originally Posted by seesaw View Post
Anyone else with cPTSD feel like they are always having to justify things they like, do, don't do, want, their life in general to others? Unless I'm in a court of law, it's no one's business but my own why I do one thing or another. Why do I always feel like I have to explain myself? I don't have to. I have every right to simply say no or yes or do whatever I want without having to explain myself to someone else.

If I'm not working today, then I'm not, no one is owed any explanation. But for some reason I feel I have to appease other people and that I'm always wrong, even explaining my rational for doing the most minor thing.

I am a believer that "that which is not distinguished, runs you." But I don't think that means having to explain to others why I do one thing or another. My reasons for doing one thing or another, for working or not working, are my business, not someone else's. And yet the second someone demands an explanation, I have a full blown panic attack AND feel like I owe them some sort of response, when I don't.

Does anyone else feel this way?
Someone demanding an explanation? We owe them no response.

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Default Jul 09, 2021 at 10:13 PM
  #24
I don't have cPTSD, but I've experienced this with my freelance work. I choose the projects I accept carefully, based on my mental and emotional stability at that time. When I decline the offer, I get so many questions not from clients but from acquaintances and other professionals. Most of the time, I just say that there's a mismatch between me and my client. Another reason I say is that it's not very profitable or the deadlines are too tight. The real reason in many cases is that I'm just not okay. They often question me and say that I'm wasting opportunities because I'm very picky. I'm just choosy because I'm trying to take care of my mental health, but I can't say that. No one accepts that way of thinking. I can't just say no without me being labeled as incompetent and lazy.
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