[happysobercrafter]

I can barely make one trip a week to the store because of my fatigue. That fatigue is because of the work my body has to do to keep what is stored away from my memory. I barely remember anything from my childhood. I sat down once and wrote out what I could remember and it barely filled three standard size pages.

I have tried everything for the fatigue, shots, diets, everything I read up on to try, I tried it. The only thing that has helped has been working on my mental illness issues. I work through a problem and I get tiny bursts of energy. If I overdo, I pay for it for days.

Anyone else have fatigue problems or the amnesia?

[LifelongLoner]

CPSD has ruined a lot of my memory. It is just not there. I no longer remember a lot of facts from my education. I am, though, remembering some childhood events with a new perspective. I don't know if it is a fair tradeoff but even at my age I continue to process events from my past. Sometimes, I let my mind roam free and when a feeling comes up, I ask myself "why do I feel like that?" Sometimes, after some time, the answer reveals itself. It's not a speedy process (at least for me). Sometimes our animal minds work in mysterious ways. Gently prod it and see where it takes you.

[happysobercrafter]

@LifelongLoner

Thank you for your feedback. Do you have problems with fatigue because of your CPTSD?

[LifelongLoner]

Originally Posted by HappyCrafter

@LifelongLoner

Thank you for your feedback. Do you have problems with fatigue because of your CPTSD?

Yes. I am tired much of the time. I don't know if it is from depression or CPTSD or both. It could also be old age and/or heart disease. All I know is that the CPTSD seems to have control of my brain. I have a hard time completing things because the CPTSD constantly distracts me. I get triggered very easily and often. It is not easy to motivate me either as the CPTSD has me despairing much of the time. I can't see my way through to accomplishing things. Meditation only helped marginally, if at all. Somehow, I am managing to work but it is not easy and I am very tired when I get home - especially emotionally. The CPTSD really rages when I am tired.

[happysobercrafter]

@LifelongLoner

I am sorry to hear this. Are you in therapy or see a counselor?

[LifelongLoner]

Originally Posted by HappyCrafter

@LifelongLoner

I am sorry to hear this. Are you in therapy or see a counselor?

No. I have given up on therapists. I saw therapists for many years. Few were of help. Some were damaging. I no longer trust therapists.

[happysobercrafter]

@LifelongLoner

I hear you.

[seesaw]

Yes, I have had a lot of trouble with my memory, but through journaling and other techniques I have regained a lot of memories that I had pushed away. I know this isn't possible for everyone. There's a lot that I just don't remember though. Then there are distinctly things that I do.

Regarding chronic fatigue, YES. I've struggled with this for a long time. I'm sure you struggle with insomnia or some form of sleep disorder (most of us with cPTSD have some trouble with sleep), so the chronic fatigue isn't just from the immense amount of adrenaline we are always pumping, but also from the utter lack of real rest that we get.

I practice super vigilant sleep hygiene and also have been very strict with my diet and physical activity to try and gain control over chronic fatigue. I've managed to build up my stamina over time, but there are days when I can't overcome the fatigue. I also suffer from sleep paralysis and other symptoms that point to narcolepsy, although I have yet to do the sleep study. I'm sort of refraining because I'm not interested in the medications for narcolepsy and I've been using the holistic management programs I've read about (including sleep hygiene, diet management, and physical activity - not working out, just activity) to try and manage my sleep cycles and improve my sleep quality as well as manage excessive daytime sleepiness (EDS).

It sort of sucks that I have to manage my diet so closely and cut so much "fun" stuff out, but I'd rather enjoy my existence and not feel like I'm asleep all the time than have fried chicken.

Every one experiences these symptoms in different ways and our "systems", I mean our bodies, all respond differently, so what has helped me may not help you. I assure what I used to experience was very severe and it has taken years to get these improvements, so it's not just like I flipped a switch and figured it out. I think sometimes it sounds like I just decided to change things and it worked. I've struggled with this for years, and sometimes it still doesn't work but mostly it does.

I know there are meds you can take but I have problems with medications so I try to avoid them at all costs.

Hope this helps! Happy to answer any specific questions on what I do.

Seesaw

[MoxieDoxie]

Originally Posted by LifelongLoner

CPSD has ruined a lot of my memory. It is just not there. I no longer remember a lot of facts from my education. I am, though, remembering some childhood events with a new perspective. I don't know if it is a fair tradeoff but even at my age I continue to process events from my past. Sometimes, I let my mind roam free and when a feeling comes up, I ask myself "why do I feel like that?" Sometimes, after some time, the answer reveals itself. It's not a speedy process (at least for me). Sometimes our animal minds work in mysterious ways. Gently prod it and see where it takes you.

Is that what happened to my memory? It is awful how little I remember from my life. Forget about education. I had always thought I had a learning disorder because I could not hold information. I told my T I have an awful memory and it is hard to fully recount events. I read and was told by another T that trauma in childhood when the brain is still growing causes scaring on the brain. It made sense to me.

[tevelygo]

Originally Posted by HappyCrafter

I can barely make one trip a week to the store because of my fatigue. That fatigue is because of the work my body has to do to keep what is stored away from my memory.

Yes I keep fighting this

I don't understand. HOW long before it gets better????

Sorry... I have zero idea on these things.

I have tried everything for the fatigue, shots, diets, everything I read up on to try, I tried it. The only thing that has helped has been working on my mental illness issues. I work through a problem and I get tiny bursts of energy. If I overdo, I pay for it for days.

SAME!!!!



And yes!!! Amnesia specifically about my EMOTIONAL memory. Nothing else, just that. I remember other things fine. I especially have the emotional amnesia bad for the last few years I think. But just overall too.

[tevelygo]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Yes, I have had a lot of trouble with my memory, but through journaling and other techniques I have regained a lot of memories that I had pushed away. I know this isn't possible for everyone. There's a lot that I just don't remember though. Then there are distinctly things that I do.

Regarding chronic fatigue, YES. I've struggled with this for a long time. I'm sure you struggle with insomnia or some form of sleep disorder (most of us with cPTSD have some trouble with sleep), so the chronic fatigue isn't just from the immense amount of adrenaline we are always pumping, but also from the utter lack of real rest that we get.

I practice super vigilant sleep hygiene and also have been very strict with my diet and physical activity to try and gain control over chronic fatigue. I've managed to build up my stamina over time, but there are days when I can't overcome the fatigue. I also suffer from sleep paralysis and other symptoms that point to narcolepsy, although I have yet to do the sleep study. I'm sort of refraining because I'm not interested in the medications for narcolepsy and I've been using the holistic management programs I've read about (including sleep hygiene, diet management, and physical activity - not working out, just activity) to try and manage my sleep cycles and improve my sleep quality as well as manage excessive daytime sleepiness (EDS).

It sort of sucks that I have to manage my diet so closely and cut so much "fun" stuff out, but I'd rather enjoy my existence and not feel like I'm asleep all the time than have fried chicken.

Every one experiences these symptoms in different ways and our "systems", I mean our bodies, all respond differently, so what has helped me may not help you. I assure what I used to experience was very severe and it has taken years to get these improvements, so it's not just like I flipped a switch and figured it out. I think sometimes it sounds like I just decided to change things and it worked. I've struggled with this for years, and sometimes it still doesn't work but mostly it does.

I know there are meds you can take but I have problems with medications so I try to avoid them at all costs.

Hope this helps! Happy to answer any specific questions on what I do.

Seesaw

Did the narcolepsy start after you started working harder?


Just because whenever I try to work full time I get too bad symptoms (EXTREME) and so I think it would really jeopardise my health severely if I kept pushing that

I had to give it up once already last year because of that and I'm having to again




I so ****ing hate to wait wait wait like forever (already long years) but my other option is kill myself or maim myself permanently (with permanent physical problems) if trying too hard ???

[happysobercrafter]

This thread completely slipped my mind. I lose track of time and my brain lapses, unfortunately.

I am bumping it up and will respond tomorrow when my brain is better rested.

[Skeezyks]

I'm pretty-much always worn out. Part of it is just age. But it's also a lot about the amount of effort it takes trying to keep myself in line. As I age I'm gradually losing more-&-more of my memories... can't wait until they're all gone entirely…

[sarahsweets]

I know I have ptsd from childhood trauma, I do not know much about cptsd or how to get that diagnosis? Can anyone share? I do not suffer from fatigue to often unless my autoimmune disease, sjogrens kicks it up. My child hood is full of big holes. I can start thinking about a memory and if something bad happened to me in that memory it stops- ends right before that part of the memory goes any farther. I do remember a lot of the trauma but I also have blocked it away. I am sure I should have had therapy to deal with that but I am terrified it will break me so it stays locked up in deep memory and I guess I am ok with that. This doesnt all apply to the trauma I experienced as a child. The trauma I lived through being an active alcoholic and what chaos I put my babies and poor husband through. Every now and again I can find that space to revist it and it makes me so so sad for my part in it. I know that it affected all of them. I was only an active alcoholic for two years-well the heavy drinking started in my 30's but that was just the earliest stage of the disease. The intense addiction part of alcoholism that came out of the darkness was about 18 months to 2 years. I lost important events that I can never get back. And when I was blacked out I was a shell of myself. A ghost that happened to belong to this husband and these kids. I am actually working on a formal amends with my kids now but it is not ready. I am going to schedule with our family therapist who has extensive knowledge in the recovery field being that she counsels addicts and she told me her boyfriend is one, recovered and also a pyscologist with her.

[happysobercrafter]

@sarahsweets

Bless your heart, honey; that is a lot to manage. I hear you on your sadness for what you caused your loved ones. I struggle with that also.

It sounds to me that you are carefully pacing yourself, working on those problems to better your life. In its turn, that ripples out to embrace your family and loved ones.

Making amends is POWERFUL in healing all connected in that relationship, when allowed to. Plus, you model how important keeping your side of the street clean is in a person's life and growth.

Your family therapist should be able to diagnose CPTSD. Have yawl talked about what all contributes to your being in therapy? I don't need you to answer that question, if you prefer not to. I will respect your decision. It is simply a question that occurred to me reading your post. xoxox

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by HappyCrafter

@sarahsweets

Bless your heart, honey; that is a lot to manage. I hear you on your sadness for what you caused your loved ones. I struggle with that also.

It sounds to me that you are carefully pacing yourself, working on those problems to better your life. In its turn, that ripples out to embrace your family and loved ones.

Making amends is POWERFUL in healing all connected in that relationship, when allowed to. Plus, you model how important keeping your side of the street clean is in a person's life and growth.

Your family therapist should be able to diagnose CPTSD. Have yawl talked about what all contributes to your being in therapy? I don't need you to answer that question, if you prefer not to. I will respect your decision. It is simply a question that occurred to me reading your post. xoxox

@HappyCrafter:
Our therapist was someone we started seeing when my daughter turned our life upside down and ran away. She also sees my son and other daughter. She has offered to see me but I had 16 years of therapy and wonder if its even worth it at this point.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by tevelygo

Did the narcolepsy start after you started working harder?


Just because whenever I try to work full time I get too bad symptoms (EXTREME) and so I think it would really jeopardise my health severely if I kept pushing that

I had to give it up once already last year because of that and I'm having to again




I so ****ing hate to wait wait wait like forever (already long years) but my other option is kill myself or maim myself permanently (with permanent physical problems) if trying too hard ???

@tevelygo sorry for the delayed response.

I recall symptoms going back into my teen years. It has gotten progressively worse in my 30s (I'm 39 now). And yes, more work or more activity can definitely make it worse.

[RedwingedBlackBird]

Hello Happy Crafter
Firstly, I am intrigued by your name, please share what you love to craft.

I have both amnesia and chronic fatigue.

Amnesia: I can only remember small fragments of my life before the age of 10. Everything is just lost to me. I can't even remember friends' names, kids I had gone to school and grown up with for several years. I remember nearly nothing. I can remember a lot after the age of 10 but even so, not nearly as much as others seem to. I have not tried to recover the lost memories and I don't know if I will ever be ready to try to work on them. I did EMDR for about 8 months and during that time a lot of stuff I had forgotten came up, all of them bad memories: traumas, and it was incredibly difficult. That was nearly 2 years ago and I am still processing the stuff that came to the surface. I am scared that whenever I enter a new healthy phase in my life, like rach a new step, my psyche feels safe enough to let some memories rise to the surface. This is really destructive and wreaks havoc on my mental and physical health. Then I process it, move on, and the whole cycle starts again. Still, I think the EMDR helped and I do not regret it.

Fatigue: I am tired every day, all the time. I am sorry to hear that you are fatigued to the point that it is really affecting your routine. The only thing that I have ever done that helped my fatigue was regular exercise. There was a time where I was exercising for 1hr/5 days a week and for the first time in my life, I felt like I had energy and vitality. I have fallen off that wagon but I am glad that at least now I know something that works for me. I have tried four different antidepressants, I have had meds for my ADHD, I have eaten insanely healthy, I have done this and that therapy, etc, etc. The only thing that ever helped me was regular and consistent exercise. After about 4 months of exercising 5 hours a week, I felt like a different person. It was incredible.

[happysobercrafter]

Originally Posted by RedwingedBlackBird

Hello Happy Crafter
Firstly, I am intrigued by your name, please share what you love to craft.

I have both amnesia and chronic fatigue.

Amnesia: I can only remember small fragments of my life before the age of 10. Everything is just lost to me. I can't even remember friends' names, kids I had gone to school and grown up with for several years. I remember nearly nothing. I can remember a lot after the age of 10 but even so, not nearly as much as others seem to. I have not tried to recover the lost memories and I don't know if I will ever be ready to try to work on them. I did EMDR for about 8 months and during that time a lot of stuff I had forgotten came up, all of them bad memories: traumas, and it was incredibly difficult. That was nearly 2 years ago and I am still processing the stuff that came to the surface. I am scared that whenever I enter a new healthy phase in my life, like rach a new step, my psyche feels safe enough to let some memories rise to the surface. This is really destructive and wreaks havoc on my mental and physical health. Then I process it, move on, and the whole cycle starts again. Still, I think the EMDR helped and I do not regret it.

Fatigue: I am tired every day, all the time. I am sorry to hear that you are fatigued to the point that it is really affecting your routine. The only thing that I have ever done that helped my fatigue was regular exercise. There was a time where I was exercising for 1hr/5 days a week and for the first time in my life, I felt like I had energy and vitality. I have fallen off that wagon but I am glad that at least now I know something that works for me. I have tried four different antidepressants, I have had meds for my ADHD, I have eaten insanely healthy, I have done this and that therapy, etc, etc. The only thing that ever helped me was regular and consistent exercise. After about 4 months of exercising 5 hours a week, I felt like a different person. It was incredible.

@RedwingedBlackBird

Thank you!! Here's the link to one of my photo albums here: https://psychcentralforums.com/album.php?albumid=5445

I hear you on the amnesia and the fatigue. We do our best to keep moving forward. I have little pieces flutter to the top from time to time, also. I think that as I move through my issues and work to reduce my stress, a little more is freed up. It surfaces as a neutral memory, thankfully.

I am glad to hear the exercising helped you so much. I am slowly losing weight and with that, it is a bit easier for me to get more done around my apartment. That brings me much joy!!!

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

Is that what happened to my memory? It is awful how little I remember from my life. Forget about education. I had always thought I had a learning disorder because I could not hold information. I told my T I have an awful memory and it is hard to fully recount events. I read and was told by another T that trauma in childhood when the brain is still growing causes scaring on the brain. It made sense to me.

I can relate. I do have a degree though so my memory was ok at one point.

A t told me I had a ''very poor'' memory and offered no explanation. No empathy. Just that blunt bs. So he didn't help.

[GlassFish]

Hi, I'm new here. I have exactly what you say (and of course much more) regarding my Complex PTSD. Regarding amnesia, I've stopped trying to remember so ardently about episodes or periods. If I have forgotten them, maybe I did so because it was easier to survive this way. As for fatigue, it bothers me much more and some days I am completely incapable of functioning. I have not discovered a method of being more active: I've tried supplements and diets, strict discipline, better sleep patterns, ... it all seems to fail. If anyone finds out the magic trick, please tell me.

[Alatea]

Hi guys, I have amnesia, in fact I have been diagnosed with dissociative amnesia, induced by childhood abuse. I was not diagnosed with CPTSD specifically, but my T told me my disorders are all post-traumatic in their origin, and my profile, with all other diagnosis (GAD, DP/DR, somatization disorder etc.) pretty much ticks all the boxes. I am 44, and started re membering my pre-10 year old childhood a bit more than a year ago. It was and it is still agonizing. However, a year ago I was in a state of complete dissolution of personality and mind. I lived as if I were submerged in translucent gelatine, seeing and hearing everything around me with an incredible effort, and sometimes just losing my grip on reality. I am a little bit better now, but it goes in cycles.
I resisted the flooding of memories sooo bad, and it was not purposefully, as I wanted to remember. In response to newly revealed memories, I would suddenly have a black out, then I would be totally depersonalized, then I would be myself in some other time and of different age, I was tossed to moments in my life, and I swear one of these days I felt as I am in the 80s, knowing all the movies and the music and the trends, it was just like Tom Henks in “Big”, just the other way round. (this is a reference for us “older” folks😊)
I do not want to speed up the process of remembering. I understand the cycle, as someone already mentioned, of remembering, then integrating the memories, then having a bit of time to recuperate before the next round. I realize that I cannot stand more than I can stand. I have my dissociation to cut in whenever it seems too much. And I did not like my dissociation so far, and this terrible feeling of leaving your mind, and seeing yourself and the world from some remote corner of consciousness where the light are still on, but only barely. However, I know that dissociation saved me from the unbearable, so I do have gratitude towards this remarkable coping mechanism. I saved myself, I soothed myself, I protected myself. I never felt more alone then when I realized that, after recovering some of my traumatic memories, but I never felt more proud of myself. I did that. I was the one who saved me. No one else did.
I feel for all of you who had to do the same. And I am incredibly proud of you too.
All the best, and take care,
A.

[Purple Heart]

Hi everybody!

Discussions with former T's agreed that I have C-PTSD. I think some asked what causes this condition? It's different from PTSD. PTSD relates to one traumatic event that causes anxiety and flashbacks related to that event.
C-PTSD is more extreme and is due to being a victim of multiple traumatic events and often by multiple abusers. Often the victim feels trapped and has nowhere to turn for help. It's a feeling of being disempowered and constantly abused which could be physical, verbal, sexual and even neglect.

I had amnesia of all the above abuses from childhood until I was aged 38. I did a program which opened the door to the subconscious mind and I was faced with a waterfall of flashbacks that engulfed my conscious mind. I am still processing a lot of these flashbacks which relate to different abusers in childhood. I think amnesia is the mind's way of protecting us from the very painful traumatic events. From what I've read when our mind thinks we're strong enough and ready, we can start to experience flashbacks. Flashbacks are often fragmented memories of the abuse which occurred. For me I see bits and pieces of the abuse by a particular person, associated with moderate to severe psychological pain as I re-experience that particular traumatic event.

I had moderate to severe chronic fatigue in the early 2000s. I use to tell people I had CFS (Chronic fatigue syndrome). I even was getting Vitamin B injections from my doctor to try to improve my energy levels. Like many said here I was constantly lethargic and felt like an old man since everything was an effort to do (even little things). But in hindsight I think the CFS was more depression related. I was so depressed that it zapped me of all energy. I was diagnosed with major depression and at times was on two anti-depressants but I was always treatment resistant to medication. Looking back now I believe the depression related to the child abuse which traumatised my mind and body.

As I started to process the trauma memories/flashbacks I started to reclaim my life and vitality. I have more energy today than I did back then. For me unpacking the trauma and processing them lessens the heaviness of the traumas in my body. Hopefully in time I will become lighter as I process and recover from my traumatic childhood.

PH

[jtaylor81194]

So: I have chronic migraines, chronic nerve pain, and frequent exhaustion. At times, like you said, I've been basically dead for days on end because I overdid it for a few hours one day. And the weird thing is that this only started when I turned 18--never anything like it before. And all of it resists treatment. I've been on so many medications that I've lost track--probably somewhere over 40 in the last two years. A stress pill is really the only thing that does much of anything, and even that isn't much.

I think that this is probably caused by PTSD, but I'm not sure... I also have some severe memory loss (or I'm just going insane--IDK). Sometimes, my body will start acting out something (heavy breathing, suffocation like I'm drowning or something like that, crying, saying random words/phrases, ...sex...(I have no idea what's up with that)), but I have no idea where I am, how old I am, who I'm with--nothing. I've tried looking for the memories, but I only end up acting out more stuff, and some of it really sucks, like my body will force me to hold my breath until my veins pop out of my neck and I get all dizzy and my face gets hot... not fun. I really NEED to figure out what sort of memories my brain repressed--it's driving me crazy, and I can't think about anything else unless I consciously distract myself. But it isn't working. I don't feel like my subconscious could fabricate all of these feelings and actions, but part of my worries that it's all fake and I'm crazy for thinking that something like that actually happened.

But the strangest thing of all is that the first time I had an episode of acting out these memories, right after it ended, I didn't have any headache, nerve pain, or fatigue for the next few minutes. I mean, it had been years since I'd felt like that, and it was great. I have a feeling that the only way to get rid of all this is to remember, but, like I mentioned, having your body remember something like drowning/ suffocating really sucks.

Anyway, I just thought I'd post because we seem to be experiencing similar things.

[Purple Heart]

Originally Posted by jtaylor81194

So: I have chronic migraines, chronic nerve pain, and frequent exhaustion. At times, like you said, I've been basically dead for days on end because I overdid it for a few hours one day. And the weird thing is that this only started when I turned 18--never anything like it before. And all of it resists treatment. I've been on so many medications that I've lost track--probably somewhere over 40 in the last two years. A stress pill is really the only thing that does much of anything, and even that isn't much.

I think that this is probably caused by PTSD, but I'm not sure... I also have some severe memory loss (or I'm just going insane--IDK). Sometimes, my body will start acting out something (heavy breathing, suffocation like I'm drowning or something like that, crying, saying random words/phrases, ...sex...(I have no idea what's up with that)), but I have no idea where I am, how old I am, who I'm with--nothing. I've tried looking for the memories, but I only end up acting out more stuff, and some of it really sucks, like my body will force me to hold my breath until my veins pop out of my neck and I get all dizzy and my face gets hot... not fun. I really NEED to figure out what sort of memories my brain repressed--it's driving me crazy, and I can't think about anything else unless I consciously distract myself. But it isn't working. I don't feel like my subconscious could fabricate all of these feelings and actions, but part of my worries that it's all fake and I'm crazy for thinking that something like that actually happened.

But the strangest thing of all is that the first time I had an episode of acting out these memories, right after it ended, I didn't have any headache, nerve pain, or fatigue for the next few minutes. I mean, it had been years since I'd felt like that, and it was great. I have a feeling that the only way to get rid of all this is to remember, but, like I mentioned, having your body remember something like drowning/ suffocating really sucks.

Anyway, I just thought I'd post because we seem to be experiencing similar things.

Hi

Sorry you experience a lot of suffering. If I was in your situation I would first see a general doctor to make sure there isn't anything physically wrong with me. If I was to get a positive bill of health from the doctor I would then find a therapist. Do you see one? You can't force yourself to start remembering things, your mind/body will reveal anything that you need to know in time. From my recovery I have to be patient, I can't rush the process. Generally it's a lifelong journey of recovering.

You need to get a diagnosis anyway and with my ptsd I've learnt to just accept the unpleasant feelings. If I resist the feelings it can backfire and get more intense.

PH