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SilverSprings
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Member Since: Jun 2015
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Frown Jan 05, 2022 at 10:06 PM
  #1
Hello,
I had a diagnosis of C-PTSD a few years ago. I had also been diagnosed with possible mood disorders . It was brought up also BPD when I went to a PDoc when I was pregnant. And I have a ED history.

Anyhoo.. I am hurting. I am having a bunch of days with recurring negative and upsetting thoughts. They are a few thoughts specifically and it’s feeling like personal attacks. Some I can’t make sense of but my brain keeps trying to. It’s probably not helpful to even elaborate on the thoughts of these memories. What concerns me most is they are harming my self esteem right now. I was hurt and bullied in one case and likely could have sued a prior boss. Maybe some can shake some of this off but not me. He belittled me, gave me a ****** office nickname, told me that I scared him (still don’t understand how or why when I was a very quiet hard working employee, maybe bc he felt I was stupid? He was just a asshole to everyone but it’s haunted me). It stamped me forever and I know that is not true and somehow I can let this go. I’ve gone so far as to almost writing a letter to said prior boss to tell him how messed up it was. I keep thinking it’s true and I’m not worthy of respect somehow.

But I know if I’m realistic, this kind of thinking that won’t help matters. I was bullied allot in my life and had many times (they were peppered through my life which probably explains the C-PTSD ). I’m in a safe place now, very stable and I have a 2 year old son. I really want to be better for myself and my family. But I’m really struggling bc of feelings of inadequacy and I’m starting a bee job next week and it’s a good job and great pay and I’m scared I will fail. I’ve had allot of ups and downs with my work history. I feel angry and I don’t want these bullies to “get in”. I haven’t even been on these forums since 2019, I need a place to turn for help. I told my therapist but the actual details really embarrass me. Please help with any advice. I need my freedom back.
Thank so much

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Dx:
BP 2 &/or BPD
Rx:
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“There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go.”
― Richard Bach

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Default Jan 06, 2022 at 09:09 AM
  #2
You mention BPD, so just wondering have you tried dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT)? That's what's supposed to help most with BPD and emotional regulation. I haven't tried it myself, but have heard good things about it.

About your boss, maybe it would help you to write that letter but not send it. I've done that before to express my feelings about people who have hurt me, and it helped me to write it all down even though they never saw it.
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