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xIxAmxSadx
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Trig Nov 11, 2022 at 12:07 AM
  #1
Hi All,

I find that no matter how much progress I make in therapy and how well I am doing I still have urges to look at things that trigger me, specifically look at my abusers Facebook page and read their blogs which upset me very much. I don't know why I do this. I believe it makes me feel like I have control when I look at it, but I know it also makes me feel out of control. Does anyone else do this or something similar? If so, how do you deal with these urges or do you know why this happens? Thanks!

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Default Nov 17, 2022 at 01:38 PM
  #2
My P-Doc told me to work with my medication (SSRI), meaning it was no longer prudent for me to try to overcome thru bravado. Why pump adrenaline/cortisol into my system unnecessarily when I was already on overload? That made sense: So I stepped back and realized my natural sense of curiosity had never been balanced with my chemistry (traumatized childhood), so I began to learn HOW to feel curious but not act upon it because I preferred caring for my overall body. Gone was the feeling that an out of control person could upset my applecart just because they were called parent or authority. I claimed by own autonomy for the first time at age 54 and became okay with my limitations in not being able or willing to anticipate and figure everything out. I joined humanity when I started acting gently with myself. Better late than never.
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Default Nov 17, 2022 at 10:29 PM
  #3
I agree with acting gently with self. It's against everything they (parental units, abusive teachers, even abusive doctors ''taught'' us though.

I do not (personally) find SSRI's to be helpful (in fact they have hurt me. That is MY experience only)


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Default Nov 26, 2022 at 03:53 PM
  #4
My P-Doc helped me see that I cannot be gently on myself when my curiosity overshadows my self-care need. Putting self-care first felt selfish at first because I had been taught in an abusive home to bypass my own needs in preference to the adults in the home acting childish (inability to mature age appropriately due to alcohol and mental illness). Once I got self-care in first place, I could better "see" and allow curiosity to activate as a second place choice when appropriate (my call). Learning to NOT act upon every thing that pops into my head has been liberating. I respond now to what is best for my long range good rather than react within the moment, which was generated from heightened anxiety and impulsive behavior learned in the abusive home. THIS IS WHAT MY P-DOC wanted me to see in working within my medication so as not to continue pumping my own adrenaline/cortisol as an addiction. Becoming gentle on myself (in my thinking) changed the chemistry that was hurting me.
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