Feeling Disappointed in myself

It's hard to go into detail at this point.

Walked out of the hospital today with a muscle relaxant just after getting assaulted. I feel like I caused it. Like something in my nature caused it. At the same time I realize that I can't control other people's reactions. People are simply assholes and they will do as they please.

The person who assaulted me labelled me a threat and falsely accused me of breaking and entering on her property and other falsities, I think literally to try and intimidate me. Her whole intention was to escalate a problem.

The police did nothing.

I have probably a mild concussion and soft tissue injuries in my back. I am missing a day of work. My sleep schedule is screwed.

I feel kind of abandoned.

My sense of hyperarousal is out of whack more than it already was before. I couldn't sleep because I feared my assailant would get in my apartment and try to attack me, or set fire to our building.

I literally catapulted out of bed at the sound of my neighbour at his door. This is while on muscle relaxants.

I'm disappointed in myself for not handling the situation better. Yet I feel like the police don't understand that I can't handle the situation as well as they can because the assailant doesn't view me as a threat, or as an authority. Even me not trying to defend myself or assault the person back still got me assaulted.

Feel like I am to blame for this one.

@Stillhuman I am sorry you got physically attacked. That must be painful.

I do not know what happen to you in that situation but blame does not help. Regret that it happened and make the resolve to avoid situations like that.

If I have someone yelling at me I try to just ignore them and hope they will go away. I may cross te street to get as far away from them as possible.

It sounds like your fears are in control. How about a warm shower to help comfort the body. And have some healthy food with protein. If I do not eat anxiety escalates until I finally take care of the need for food.

Hope you get back to level ground. Do you have any therapist you are seeing that you could discuss this with? @CANDC

still human,

Not knowing the extent of what happened aside- it is never your fault if someone else chooses to use violence against you. I am so sorry that happened to you. I definitely agree with CANDC- do something to comfort yourself in this moment. Anything that you can do to make you feel better physically and emotionally. And definitely talk to someone. If you don't have someone, maybe a support line while you look for someone to talk to? I wish I could offer you more.

Red

What happened is I was walking my cat and she wandered beside their property.

They pulled up in their car. She jumped out and yelled at me to get off her property. She accused me of potentially upsetting her dogs (who she never walks and never leashes- multiple neighbours have complained already).

She then repeatedly accused me of lurking/ attempting to steal from her cars and accused me of trying to break in.

She accused my animal of pissing all over her property. The laughable part is I wasn’t actually on her property. My cat won’t pee or defecate outside. Never has in all the years I’ve had her because she’s primarily an indoor cat.

Of course don’t dare tell her how her dog gets out and shits in everyone else’s yard.

The more I defended myself the more serious the accusations became. They accused my presence as making them feel threatened.

Picture a short middle aged pudgy white woman walking a cat on a leash. So threatening.

I honestly told her to go **** herself, and called her a dumb *****. At some point I asked her if she was on crack.

I started walking away and she followed me. I didn’t want to turn my back on her because I felt she would attack.

She kept accusing me of lurking on her property and accused my animal of destroying her property. Her “property” is littered with crap and she has pushed most of the crap onto our property.

I am on my property and she is still trying to bait an argument. I think I said, “I didn’t ****ing do anything to your property.”

She was three feet away from me and then accused me of getting in her face. She ran and suddenly grabbed a garden hoe with a blade like attachment and swung it at my face. I grabbed it to prevent her from hitting me with it.

The fight escalated from there. I tried kicking her off of me. I actually punched her in the face. She punched me back.

I called her a c u n t.

I left to find my cat who ran away by that point. The lady wouldn’t leave my property.

I found my cat but thought I lost my keys . So I went back to my property to look for them.

She still wouldn’t leave my property. I said to her “all this over a ****en cat.” She kept trying get at me and grab me. i stuck my arm out and grabbed her shirt and tried to hold her at arms length. I was more interested in trying to find my keys at that point but she grabbed my hair. She lunged at me and her shirt ripped open and her tits fell out. I think I was just trying to keep her off of me.

I forgot exactly how but she yanked out clumps of my hair, knocked me to the ground and kicked and punched me in my mid back and in the back of my head. She threatened to kill me.

I have a gash on my hand either from her nails or from her swinging the garden hoe at me.

I spoke to the police and was apologetic. I felt bad. They called the fight mutual.

The lady bragged to the neighbours that I had assaulted her.

My neighbours are already steaming pissed at her dogs, and how she treats our property.

Honestly F U C K that lady.

Ironically it’s suspected she broke and entered in the business beside her and stole from them.

I asked for a restraining order. The police told me to try to de-escalate.

What's odd is everyone has some kind of beef with her and her husband but nobody does anything. They conversely think they can make accusations they are totally guilty of.

Some people actually deserve to be shot and p i s s ed on.