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Nov 26, 2023 at 03:12 PM
#1
My husband wants more weapons. Self defense to protect me. He looks at the news multiple times daily. I have stopped focused on my continued recovery. I told him to get something so he would feel more at ease. I do not agree with him on this but I cannot change him. What did occur was I asked him about future possible car repairs. He then got upset blaming me for doing something to sabotage his plans. I meant no such thing. I am just trying to be careful get our real needs met first. Black and white thinking is a cognitive distortion. I try not to engage. I did de escalate by refusing to argue doing emdr session meditating and listening to a podcast on complex trauma and addiction. I did tell him all I am comfortable with is my stun gun. I asked him what happens if it does not fall apart. He said what if it does. I then replied then I die. He says he will not. How do veterans get like this? I now about trauma and recovery too. Unrealistic expectations are a huge red flag. For yourself and from others
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2021
Location: Georgia (USA)
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Nov 26, 2023 at 03:52 PM
#2
I have Complex PTSD from childhood abuse & trauma ...
Guns are out of the question. Once we're triggered into flashbacks & dissociation bad stuff can happen there. I've been there a time or two ... I hope you're able to convince him that guns & PTSD are not a good mix. If not, then perhaps you can speak with a therapist about how to keep yourself safe. 
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Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2022
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Nov 26, 2023 at 03:58 PM
#3
Frankly I'm scared for your husband with the state he's in and for you,too.
I don't know what advice to offer you, but to perhaps reach out to veterans' groups to find out what they'd suggest. Knowing what your boundaries are and maintaining them is very important. You need as much support as you can get. Your husband needs to stop watching the news all the time. Can you get rid of the television? Would he agree to that or would he become violent? Can he get an ESA of his own to help him with recovery and stabilization? |
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Poohbah
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Location: The House
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Nov 26, 2023 at 04:00 PM
#4
I agree with Pflowers about the guns... they should be out of the question.
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Nov 26, 2023 at 05:07 PM
#5
Thanks for your kind words. He has his own phone. I have my own tablet. We do have a TV but we only watch dvds. I am back in therapy. He will not match his behavior to ptsd. He denies it. I will speak of this to my therapist on 12/5. There is no way he will decrease his news intake. I have pointed out this. He just says I have watched the news for decades. I know it is going to fall apart. One side has to win. Then I am the problem. I have called the veterans crisis line. To shorten our conversation there is nothing to be done u less He is willing. I need to think if I will ask him to safely store the guns. Unfortunately I am hurt again.
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Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2022
Location: The House
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Nov 26, 2023 at 06:44 PM
#6
Is he OK around guns himself? is what I was referring to.
I hope you will have further clarity on 12/5 as to what to do. I wouldn't confront him about anything at this point, get your psychologist's input. Do ask about your options for staying safe on 12/5... In the meantime, getting out in nature might help. Perhaps he would take a walk with you and your dogs? Rely on your dogs as much as you can, you need the comfort of your ESAs. Also, give yourself some extra loving self-care. |
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Nov 27, 2023 at 06:34 PM
#7
Well is he ok with guns himself? I question that. He describes himself as reactive. I question that being reactive is healthy? I got into this mistake again but confirmation bias is not good.
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2021
Location: Georgia (USA)
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Nov 27, 2023 at 09:54 PM
#8
Time to explore safe housing for you and your ESA ...
You definitely are not in a safe situation where you're at right now. No need to become a victim to someone else that's being dangerous and irresponsible! 
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Nov 28, 2023 at 12:22 AM
#9
I have thought about my own housing. Even looked. More than once. We own a nice rv. He retired March 2023. Purchased it with part of his 401 k. Now I am the only one with income. He is a good man. This issue involves ethics my moral compass. He has gotten angry in the past when we have reached this point wanting me gone now. But something has to give. Thank you. I will research again
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