Getting out of survival mode?

My T said it seems like I am in survival mode at least 99% of the time. I feel it. During a recent IP stay I managed to turn that off and it felt fking fantastic. I slept like 20 hours a day, stopped shaking like a tweaker most of the time, and did not fear for my life any time someone made eye contact with me. I didn’t feel as foggy when I was awake.

Now that I’m back to couch surfing and going back and forth between friends, family, respite houses, crisis centers, and other shelters, I’m feeling it again.

At what point do I go back to IP in Boston? Is it possible to feel better before finding more permanent shelter? (I’ve been applying to low income/subsidized housing but everywhere has a ridiculous waitlist even for the homeless)

I’m starting to feel the emptiness, dp/dr, the SI at times, and the feeling that I am just treading water in shark infested waters that I felt before a nearly successful sui attempt.

Your basic needs for food and shelter and meds have to be met. Have you heard of Maslow's Hierachy of Needs?

You need help from a social worker/case manager to get you set up with housing, income, insurance, etc., so the stress and dp/dr and SI goes away. Then you need a healthy lifestyle routine to be in place.

When I was in hospital IP, I felt like I could've run a multi-million dollar company out of the little room in the corner.

But, then after being stabilized and released into "real life" I didn't do so well.

One thing I learned is that one needs a lot of supports coming out of hospital to prevent relapse.

ugh will most likely not have any sort of "non-homeless shelter" shelter for like 3-6 months.

I slept brilliantly my first night there...when all my money, clothes, food, phone, wallet, etc. was in my car at S's or in S's apartment (safe neighborhood and the douche isn't a thief). Now it's in my car in a parking garage or in my backpack in a lockbox at the shelter.

I'm trying to sell my ski gear for a good deal or trade it for some winter camping supplies (need a new camping stove and fuel, could use a new sleeping pad but I won't get upset if I can't afford one). Being in a shelter is 1000000% better than what I was doing, but it still sucks because they expect you to be a lazy fk and you HAVE to be in bed until 6AM. I've been up since 2AM the past two nights. So, yeah, four hours of meditating on the top bunk while listening to others snore like bears is fantastic when I could be in the woods enjoying the stars.

I told my friend my plan to just stay at a campground until the wait for an apartment is over (I'm on like 6 waiting lists right now varying from 2-36 months and have four applications in the mail, including one for a place that's supposed to be something like emergency transitional rent-assisted housing for homeless women). She didn't like it. Said I needed more support than that. Idk what support I'm getting now that I can't get if I do it.