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Member
Member Since Mar 2024
Location: In the southern United States
Posts: 346
99 hugs
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#1
I am 53, and these are the things I have had to deal with, so my therapists just may be right.
-Brought to the US at the age of Six (Most of that time had been spent in Germany and the UK -Mum and Dad in a constant cage match to the death (I ended up with my dad) -Dad moved had us a new house built right next to two professional people that made my next 8 years a CSA catastrophe. He was away a great deal, VHS technology was a big thing, so most can put those two together. -Mum's half family came to this area because she did, they are much akin to throwing sodium metal in water. Except I think they are a bit more explosive. -I was skipped through two grades of school, so I don't think that was great. - Lost one of my best friends when I was 17, he was 19, to a heart defect. -I joined the army after graduating college the first time. I saw three live combat rounds as a Ranger, did one year with UN peacekeeping force, final two I was in Rhode Island for strategic planning. -Got out went to school again, met a woman in Illinois, we were married for almost 3 years and I had a young son. A drunken driver crossed the tollway, they didn't make it. -I was not the greatest husband, I had sexual orientation problems that I think stemmed from the CSA. Who Knows? I never cheated I just aways felt inadequate. -Lost many people I grew up with as they committed suicide outright, or had drug overdoses. Another leftover from the CSA, the gift that keeps on giving. -Lost dad 11 years ago, and mum about 2 and a half. Most all of dad's family is gone. -At the age of 45 I was diagnosed with stage 3B NSCLC lung cancer because idiot primary care doctor, apparently forgot how to work his X-Ray Machine. So, he proceeded to give me all kinds of Fentanyl, I never became addicted, don't seem to be susceptible to that. -Had my entire right lung and 10 tainted lymph nodes removed. 8 treatments of chemotherapy, and 36 targeted gamma radiation exposures for treatment and somehow survived, this was 8 years ago. -A year and a half ago, a CT screening found it had returned in my other lung. Now it is Stage 4 and in three organ systems. According to what my primary Oncologist told me, I should have died about a year ago. But apparently I have to stay for more crap. Those are pretty much the highlights, well one might add my psychiatrist, who thinks she is a superhero, Dr. Xanax, Master of the Comatose State. She has me on 12mg of that crap a day. I have 100mg Morphine SR, and 30/650 Percocet. Wake up and according to how much pain you are in, that's what you take. I have a grand mal seizure disorder, from a heat stroke (Go Army!) the only thing that seems to work is 97.2mb of Phenobarbital twice a day. A Primary Oncologist and a Pain Specialist handle that, I am on three different kinds of antidepressants. In case I may form a cogent independent thought, the mystery of the comatose state, also throws Hydroxyzine Hcl 50mg 4 times a day at me. I am on so much medicine it is amazing that doesn't do me in. So, those are the high points, and I must ask if anyone will bother to answer. Do you think diagnosing me with C-PTSD was accurate? I am an M.D. and I think they might have got that one right. I also developed a Fib from exposure to something in a lab but it is controlled with a beta blocker. I was afraid to let them try to shock me back into rhythm, as I was afraid that darn machine might blow up! I am sorry for the long post, I am just to frustrate, fighting pain and malaise, when you are terminally ill people tend to distance themselves from you. I think I might call my primary Oncologist again today so that he can consult his magic 8 ball and tell me again when I will finally stop breathing. I am so tired, and bored and alone. Last edited by 16PennyNail; May 04, 2024 at 08:03 AM.. Reason: Misspelling |
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,565
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#2
I entertain myself with Britbox, YouTube (car chases, car crashes, and female DUI's ["but what did i doooo-uh?! I dint do nuthin'!"] and the occasional Bat Man movie. And DryBar comedy (on youtube). How can you be bored? You have literally the entire world at your literal fingertips. Also you could join a group to debate / discuss the use of the word "literal". And whether the preceding period should be inside or outside the quotes.
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Crone
Member Since May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 73,186
(SuperPoster!)
14 55.6k hugs
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#3
For what it matters, yeah I think she’s right. Una is right, you’ve got a whole world at your fingertips. I just got a gift of Roku from my daughter and son in law along with the passwords to several streaming sites. My back prevents me from doing what I dreamed of doing, traveling. So I pass my time with many shows. Back before my surgery when I was on the same pain meds plus fentanyl I couldn’t sleep for nothing and got into the whole game of thrones genre. There’s a ton of sites for that too.
__________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2024
Location: Earth
Posts: 629
(SuperPoster!)
54 hugs
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#4
So sorry to hear about your struggles. My dad was discovered to have cancer when they did the autopsy on him (he died due to refusing to vaccinate against COVID-19) so I can only imagine how it must be for you.
I'd put CSA as C-PTSD, especially if it was in your developmental years which it seems it has been. I also have a history of (C)SA and C-PTSD, amongst other things. I don't know how it is to be terminally ill, so I hope you are living every minute of your life you still have left. Judging by the picture, you do have some company. I hope you can find a support network for connecting with people (be it just doing it here on the forum, or in real life). |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,152
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3 5,850 hugs
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#5
Those things can certainly lead to CPTSD. Not that they have to. But they can and many times do if the person doesn't have any sort of outside supports like a teacher, coach, other family member, friend/friend's parents, or what have you (they say the reason some people develop PTSD and some don't from the same traumatic event is the reaction and support they receive during/after the trauma.)
If you have the symptoms of CPTSD and your therapist says you have it, I'd trust that. Wish I could help you solve/accept/tolerate boredom, loneliness, and tiredness. You have access to the internet clearly, maybe find a group you can chat with through zoom or some platform that uses text if you don't have a webcam? Or maybe try and get an emotional support or service animal if that's financially feasible? __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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