cptsdvictim's journal

Back at the shelter. Today was a productive day. It took me the entire day, but I got the changes merged. Many issues have been opened with problems discovered. Though, the main body of work is in. 5k+ additions and almost 600 deletions. My test coverage dropped by around 4%. Not a big deal, though I should cover these in upcoming changes.

For dinner, I had a beyond meat burger. Didn't want sandwich as my finances look good (will save some more) and they also didn't have vegan sandwiches at the cafe.

At the shelter I wasn't called to the office when I entered the building, in the room the bully narcissistic roommate didn't say anything. So I guess this is it for the bullying. He got the message. Also, upon checking the room, the staff didn't call me to talk to me in private.

Hopefully, I won't have any more experiences of bullying with this roommate. Though, I don't keep my expectations high.

Now, relax. Tomorrow's going to be an awesome day too. I'll start work on some issues earlier than expected so that's nice. Here's to good times.

Hej. Last night I fell asleep watching Dr. Dawn Snipes. Woke up just in time to take my anti psychotic. This morning I worked a bit. Still have to figure out why I didn't see database updates but I think I know why and I have a plan for it.

This morning I'll visit my GP. I've three issues: 1) my anti psychotic prescription, 2) my right knee pain and whether I can get surgery for free, and 3) my random abdominal pain accompanied by vomiting

Then I'll head to the vegan restaurant where I'll relax until lunchtime. After the tofu wrap and a decaf oat latte, I'll head to work.

Let's goo!

On my way to the vegan restaurant. The visit to the doctor was quick. He prescribed me tablets for my digestive issues (to take the tablet if I'm in pain or before eating spicy). And also for my knee pain. My anti psychotics are as usual. I'm glad I don't require surgery (yet) as that would've complicated things in the shelter. So, I'm happy with what I've got.

Let's see if my stomach will be doing alright with the tablets.

Social worker called (I asked the psychiatrist I saw a few days ago about group homes for people on disabilities due to PTSD) and informed.me there aren't any available. Just dumped me into the same situation of applying for housing and waiting on the waiting list. Read that: when you're 60 you'll be given a place.to die in so you won't die on the streets as that's too much guilt for the society and.politicians to bear. But it's fine to waste your youth and potential years on end. Such a beautiful world we.live in. I've zero sympathy or empathy for people like this. Zero.

Grabbed my medication. Seems the painkillers for my knee are for just a month. Same for the acid medication. Pharmacist told me to take them together, however my doctor told me to take the acid when I need. The painkiller is with food. The acid would be half an hour before.

I'm going to take the painkiller with food when I'm having breakfast in the morning, and keep the acid for Saturdays when I'm going to have my spicy Chana Masala.

All the medication was subsidized by my medical card so I didn't have to pay much. Yay. 1.50 bucks each.

At the shelter. I wasn't called to the office when I entered. Indeed this seems to have been it. Still have anxiety/walk on eggshells near my narcissistic bully roommate.

Today was a good.day. Managed to get.some.work done. I'll review the changes tomorrow morning and hopefully merge them. I've left.some.code unsafe. I'll try to tackle it at.some other time. Technically, it should be fine. In reality, stuff can hit the fan if proper care isn't taken. It's always nice to take that extra.step of safety.

I was.lucky to have found soup at the vegan restaurant so my finances are in line. Also pinged my friend to see if he goes out as I'd like to buy him a coffee.for having helped me out with the Google account for my app. He's in holiday so I've to wait until end of August.

Now, simply relax.

Hugs back @unaluna 😊

Guten Morgen. Had a shower. Reviewed my changes and merged. Now I'm waiting for the laundry room to be opened so I can wash my clothes. Then, relax.

In about an hour and 25 minutes I'll have my breakfast with the painkiller. Then I'll relax for a bit and then leave for work.

The weather holds. Yay.

And now, for a heavy one

My first therapist suggested something like this (that the brain is a quantum machine). To which I disagreed: I do think the brain operates on top of quantum mechanics, but that, however, the emergent processes are classical in nature. Just like big objects obey classical physics. This is not to say that they're not quantum in nature (as QM is the underlying physics), but that when reaching a certain threshold, we're talking about classical physics.

At the cafe. I left work one hour early. Felt like taking a break despite my implementation not working. Or so it seems at a first glance. Will continue tomorrow.

I spent quite a bit today and my savings potential dropped with 10 bucks. It's ok. If I can save 20 bucks, I'm happy. Though, 40 would've been better. Couldn't resist buying a smoothie to get the vitamins and all, and some desert after lunch with coffee (a vegan chocolate & hazelnut cookie). Was yummy. 😋

Tomorrow I'll relax in the morning. No work. Or so I think. Then I'll head to work to have my decaf Americano with oat milk and a croissant 🥐
Then I'll work and then I'll have lunch (the magic smoked tofu wrap with a decaf oat latte). Some more work and then, the most awaited event of the week: Chana Masala medium spicy with some green chilli and steam basmati rice 🍚

Sunday I've to shave my beard and head after taking a shower. For afternoon, I've rented Mortal Kombat (the 1995 movie). I'm curious of what I'll think of it now since last time I saw it I was a child. I liked it back then. Sub-Zero was my favorite.

Now, relax. Would be nice if I could totally relax for once. But, unfortunately, my very dire circumstance doesn't allow me. Stress when I'm in the shelter due to abuse, stress outside at the thought I've to return to that place. Complex Trauma inducing environment and the society couldn't care less but chooses to stigmatize homelessness. We are very "resilient".

He should've presented Rijksmuseum - if in Amsterdam it's a must see if one likes the Dutch painters