cptsdvictim's journal

One day it'll be reusable

15 Tips for Overcoming and Coping with Trauma | Trauma Recovery - YouTube

On the West Coast, baby. Uh-huh, ah-yeah. Almost didn't make it because of train delays and changing day plan, though on my way out to the other exit I heard the train being called out and decided to take it. I listened to Sociopath by Patric Gagne after I read T.W. Time flew. Now relaxing as I wait for the right time to come to have... Drumroll... Chana Masala! With colorful pilau rice.

ASPD people: unite!

Uh oh. Indian restaurant was closed. So I had Mexican instead. Even though, I had a burrito yesterday. I blame this on lack of time.

Now, I've more time to relax. So it's all good. One hour left before train departure. Fingers crossed for no delays.

Myeah. I checked and on Mondays the restaurant is closed. Unsure how I missed it. Oh, well. I don't mind. I'll save money and make up for the caffeinated coffee that ***** gave me in the train station when I asked for decaf.

Anyhow. Today's weather has been great. And, tomorrow GGSC holds a livestream on the science behind Inside Out 2. Yay. Can't wait!

Event Details:

Date: Tuesday, July 9, 2024

Time: 1:30-2:30 PM ET / 10:30-11:30 AM PT

Livestream URL: The Science Behind Inside Out 2 - YouTube

I often reflect on what it would mean for me to be myself in the world. And, it wouldn't be safe. Not for me nor for anyone else. I would attack anti social and psychopathic people for their violence and impulsivity. And then I'd systematically eliminate all pro social people who are just plain d***. I wouldn't do what the communists did, though I wouldn't not do what the communists did. Basically, violence. That's why, I shut down in conversations. I don't socialize. Just keep it to a minimum. I'd start swearing and call on the other person of being this and that. I'd accuse. And I'd get physical. There's a lot of pressure in doing it. Though, I stuff feelings and impulses down and only let them out in controlled situations when I'm alone. So, I giggle when I hear counselors say "be authentic, be yourself" and emphasizing how critical that is to one's mental health well being and connection with other humans. Not for me.

Also, my train arrived in time. Yay. I won't get locked out of the shelter. Closing time is 11pm.

🥱 morning. Today's raining with a maximum of 59 F. Going to take my 3W jacket today. Nailed it yesterday. Such a good decision to go out then. Today it'll be mostly indoors. Eating & drinking coffee. Visiting museums. And I'll be going to a park too. I won't be spending too much time there. Probably an hour. Then I'll head for dinner and head for the shelter to listen to the GGSC livestream. It's going to be a fun day.

Ah, the life I'll never have and that I'll have to grieve.

Today was ok. I ate a sweet potato burrito and drank a decaf oat Americano coffee for lunch. The burrito was ok, the coffee was meh. Then headed for a museum and on my way there got some orange juice (I really needed the bathroom) from a cute place. The design, placement, lightning, decor and presentation of the pieces in the museum were intriguing. I liked it. Thought the exhibition ran on 2 floors and got interrupted by a man telling me it's not allowed to be there and not allowed to take pictures. He even asked me why I took pictures. Downstairs they told me to delete them which I said I already did (or did I? mwahaha). I then went to a park and experienced petrichor. The park had a waterfall which I enjoyed. Went to relax in a cafe after seeing the park and then had dinner and did some shopping. Just finished seeing the livestream from GGSC on Inside Out 2. And now relaxing for the rest of the night. I'll hopefully catch some good Z's and recuperate from the deprivation I experienced on Monday to Tuesday night. Tomorrow night it'll be a repeat with sleep schedule getting back to normal starting Thursday night.