Detachment/lack of bodily (or really any) sensations

One trauma response is becoming detached from--or even totally lacking-- sensations (physical, mental, emotional), which totally makes sense, and wanting to get rid of "CPTSD symptoms" makes sense, right?

But this one...doesn't make sense to me. I know learning these things take time, but I've tried working on it, and focusing on physical sensations is panic-inducing. I get there's a reason we're supposed to have sensations in a certain way, but if they're altered, is there really any point or gain to attempt to learn to get back there? A lot of "mindfulness skills" they try walking me through just make me feel worse.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense, but the whole concept feels like a rock fell down a hill and there's no point in putting it back up (if it didn't make sense, that probably didn't clear it up).

You make more sense than Sysiphus.

I think "their" point might be to reclaim these feelings and hence your entire body as your own. I have thought of myself as only my mind for waaaay too long.

Sisyphus doesn't make sense to me though. The rock wants to be at the bottom, why are you disobeying its wishes?

If I make more sense than Sisyphus, you make more sense than me

This is the way I see Sisyphus:

He wants the rock on the hill. Rock wants nothing as it is just an object, lifeless and empty. Other people ("gods") want rock on the bottom, but just to spite Sisyphus.
For me, it is conflict of genuine achievement in life versus the aggressive and destructive society which has no purpose.

I too associate myself only with my mind. My body is futile and ridiculed by everyone, starting with my parents. But my mind is free, it goes wherever I wish.
Maybe, try to vent your anger on this stupid world of hairless apes? My therapist used to say it helps. It may.

It's scary for me when that happens, I find rubbing my fingertips is a start for me to feel my body, or going for a fast walk with my dog and feeling my muscles as I move. The rest of the time, my body feels alien sometimes.

oh, yeah, my insinuation that a rock has desires was more of a joke. My genuine interpretation of Sisyphus is that you put in all your efforts over and over to move towards your goals, and there will forever be set backs--maybe caused by society, maybe not--but you just keep working on it. Over, and over.

I don't know. I don't have a "top of the hill" so I can't relate, but that's just what comes to mind when I think of it.

I don't really have anger. I mean, I do sometimes, maybe too intensely, but it doesn't really feel like even that's there when it's not all-consuming. Overall, it's just emptiness.

I do think of my mind of kind of a place to explore infinitely (and that's cool af), but that kind of roaming alone without direction can get dangerous.

@MuddyBoots. oh, I never suggested you or anyone should enclose into his mind. I was just relating to your and other posters' experience. I do try to learn to feel my body and associate myself with my full body and my full mind. With little result yet (but not completely without progress).

Feeling emptiness in place of anger is a strong sign that you should vent. Try to carefully think and remember any wrongdoings anyone caused you, you may start now and work backwards. I did found a lot of suppressed anger there. That won't solve all your problems, but it has made me feel a little bit less tired.
If you put your anger into words somewhere like this forum - it will help even more. Also, you may find a lot of resentment instead of anger - it is the other side and is just masking your true emotions.

Also, do it when you have energy. All such exercises require a lot of it.

@og.yogm oh, no, I wasn't taking it as a suggestion. I was just saying my mind in itself feels like entire possibilities of universes of possibilities that I do explore, but of course soaring through space can lead you to some places you'd really rather not go even if there's some cool shyt along the way. I suppose there is value in finding a balance in being attached to both inner and outer sensations.

Evolutionarily speaking, I guess knowing what's going on with your body is good. I don't really feel a lot of things that would alert me something is physically wrong. I generally feel like shyt, yeah (I mean, I have hep and haven't really been in a place physically where I can do tip-top self care), but I've had times I've burned myself without knowing, infected cuts that only hurt if I poured alcohol on them. Hell, I was just IP and when I got meds the nurse asked why my finger was purple (and it was entirely purple, she wanted to get the doc to order xrays in the morning), I could only think either I caught the football wrong or I punched a wall.

So there's a practical purpose to it.

There are probably pleasurable feelings that I could feel/feel more intensely too. Like cuddling cats.
---
I don't even know what I should vent about. As things happen I get explosive. I guess there are differences between venting and exploding, but how do you vent when there's nothing to vent about until there is and you feel the need to explode?

I have a lot of intrusive memories on "wrongdoings" (I guess?), but I wouldn't know what to do with them. I've written a bit and shared in therapy, but it's not like getting it out makes me feel any differently. (OK this is turning into a vent I guess haha) I just think I'm weak for letting those things affect me in the way they do. The littlest slights set me off, and then I blaze, and then it's back to dust. I read about emotional buttons yesterday, and that explains why situations like yesterday when I heard someone loudly laughing and I just completely broke down. I couldn't make loud noise like that for much of my early life. I'd wake my 3rd shift working mom up and be told I'd be the reason we become homeless. There was always that threat of "if you say this, they'll take you away," or "if you do this, we'll be living on the streets." That was the daily with my mom. With my dad--not in a space to get there. I don't know how or when I'd ever be able to really feel like purposefully thinking or talking about it would do anything but harm.