[LittleForgetMeNot]

How healthy is it I wonder to hold it all in? The things you wanna say, the way you're feeling? What if explaining how your feeling gets no response, and if anything you just end up being ridiculed. Is it not better to just give up and hold everything back?

I feel like it is better to stop having feelings... Explaining just leads to arguments and arguments just leads to more horrible experiences..

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((LittleForgetMeNot))))

I hear you and validate how you are feeling but the feelings and things you want or need to say are important. You have a right to feel and to be heard. I do get what you are saying about is it worth being ridiculed and arguments.

I know about holding things in and the fear of telling or talking. But I do want you to know that how you feel and what you need to say is worth hearing. To give up is not what you deserve. To feel and talk is normal. To be able to let it out is human.

I do understand as I have a hard time letting others close too and the fear takes over a lot. But to get it out is healthy and you are worth hearing. Sorry you are experiencing this.

Please know that we are here for you and care. Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps

[salukigirl]

I understand how you feel. Do you think it doesn't get across because you don't really know the words to express how you are feeling or because the listener just doesn't get it or doesn't care? That can make a big difference. I was always at a loss for words when I would try to describe how I was feeling. I have had to work at putting my emotions into words and try to articulate my feelings. Plus, putting words to them also makes you feel more validated in your own feelings. Makes them less confusing.

You deserve the right to express those feelings. If the people in your life are not supportive you might want to consider reevaluating your current relationships. If anything, try to talk to a counselor. They got into that profession to help people with issues just like this. Plus we are ALWAYS here to listen and help. Hugs!!!!!

[LittleForgetMeNot]

My main problem is that it was people who I was once close with. I keep talking to this person over and over again but I shouldn't be. I don't know why I do it, I think it's just loneliness, but many people have pointed out that I should keep the past in the past.. My problems with this is I struggle putting the past in the past, so I don't feel like I have the right to complain on here or to anyone about it.. I've been holding back for quite a while now.. and it was keeping things normal until I snapped.. and now it's probably ruined all over again.

Do you think it doesn't get across because you don't really know the words to express how you are feeling or because the listener just doesn't get it or doesn't care?

It's a lot of it all put together. One person just doesn't care, another doesn't really understand and perhaps that's all because instead of speaking properly I play more of the blame game.. I guess to protect myself from a hurt I know is coming..

[salukigirl]

Well it sounds like you have already hit the nail on the head. A T once asked me "do you think you are depressed because you ARE or because you have felt this way for so long that it's hard to change and be happy? do you know HOW to be happy?" and that's when it hit me that I was bringing these things on myself.

I would show outwardly that I didn't want people's help and didn't need anything from anybody. But that was making me so depressed and lonely that no matter how many friends I had or what guy I was dating, I was still sad and an overall angry person.

I had to learn that whatever happened in the past (i.e. parent's divorce, bullying growing up etc...) was in the past and I'm not a product of those situations. It took finding out WHO I really am. I was just kind of going through the motions, latching on to whatever others were doing. Now I am confident in who I am, my ideals, my morals. I don't need other people to know who I am. That was the start. Over time I learned to be happy with myself. That took some deep looking into myself to see those things I don't like about myself and making the decision to change them. Once I got past that hump though, everything got so much easier for me. I was finally becoming a genuinely happy person.

I really suggest reading the book The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck. It's a classic book on really self discovery and putting things into perspective. That book is what got me on the path I'm on today and I re-read it every now and then to remind myself of what really matters and patterns I may be falling into that I don't like.

[notablackbarbie]

(((LittleForgetMeNot)))
That was me...heck a lot of it still is. It is all a frustrating struggle. After the breakdown, 2 things can be certain in the midst of all the mess. Firstly, you just CANT hold all the feelings in. The built up tension and anxiety - even with memories & reflection & confrontation & fears - r just really unhealthx at all levels. Secondly, reactions by ppl r jus more evidence of who supports you VS who doesnt...this may be where boundaries and priorities come in ...

[LittleForgetMeNot]

"do you think you are depressed because you ARE or because you have felt this way for so long that it's hard to change and be happy? do you know HOW to be happy?"

I would show outwardly that I didn't want people's help and didn't need anything from anybody. But that was making me so depressed and lonely that no matter how many friends I had or what guy I was dating, I was still sad and an overall angry person.

To be honest, I'm not quite sure which one of these it is. I'm not sure if it's habit or a real problem. I try to break my "habit" a lot. Every year I try to keep going back to regular public school and every year I kept running away. For a very long time I told myself I was normal, and people who got upset over problems were weak. I was in denial over lots of things.. feeling the haze, the dissociation, holding it in but at the same time feeling emotionally strong.. I dunno what happened but some where down the line it all kind of fell apart, everything spilled out onto the floor, and I've been more open-minded, but more sad at the same time.

When I was in denial I put down a lot of people for feeling anything but confidence and happiness, I dunno why I did, maybe I was telling myself to be that way more than them. I had, and still do have, a strong attachment to the internet, and I had the charisma to meet and befriend anyone I met within a few minutes. People were disposable, and many only good for entertainment.. But there were the select few that got to me, and whether my behavior was a habit, immaturity, or just my personality, I pushed and pushed them away to protect myself. This was easy through the internet when I still felt people there were relativity disposable, but when I started doing it this year to people in real life.. well.. I verbally bashed a few people who tried to be my friend to others just because they bothered me or made me feel a little uncomfortable. Now I wish I hadn't because I feel karma is paying me back for that with loneliness. Or perhaps they deserved my dislike and I'm better off because of their behavior (which might have been unacceptable) however my loneliness is clouding my judgment again as it always does and I'm completely unsure what is fact and what was over-exaggerated in my memory..

Hello, LittleForgetMeNot. Self-forgiveness and acceptance have helped me.

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14...f-forgiveness/
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/1752
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/48239

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Hello, LittleForgetMeNot. Self-forgiveness and acceptance have helped me.

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14...f-forgiveness/
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/1752
http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/48239

Thank you.

Today, I wake up feeling irritated. I was irritated last night as well, but "maturely" handled that by teasing him about her which he so hates. He said I shouldn't make fun, cause it's mean, and he's just so tired of everyone making fun of his relationship. Teasing is something I go to when I feel inferior (and he makes me feel like that a lot) as a protection mechanism. When I realized this was the cause I told him I was going to leave because the person I wanted to talk to wasn't online and I didn't really feel like talking to him anymore (which was true but not really why I wanted to go). At this he seemed to get even more upset with me, and I stuck around trying to push him to say why. He only reinforced the fact that he was mad because of the teasing and not because I had just said I didn't feel like talking to him anymore. However he had managed to drag that conversation out until he had to leave as well. I think there was more to it than he said by the way he handled things but as usual I held my tongue to keep from stepping over any more boundaries.

So skip to now, where I woke up with that scene in my head, particuarily where he said I was being mean. I think that's unfair because my teasing weren't necessarily harmful (how is changing a few words to the baa baa black sheep nursery rhyme really that harmful? Especially if he went along with it at first). If anything he is more mean than I am, telling me about their relationship and how either horrible it is or great it is. She is more mean than I am because she was my best friend. He has no right to tell me what is mean and what isn't because he himself is guilty of that crime. Right now, I hate him, and I think I have always, but it was tolerable.. a very low key hatred. But as mentioned before I'm never going to say this. If anything I want to say it to my friend and have him talk about it instead but I can't do that because he's not carrier pigeon, and I can't have him fight my battles for me.

But I put myself into this situation, so I really shouldn't be complaining about it.

[musicrocks21]

its a grt point made here..... people are constantly tellin us nt to hold back our emotions and let it all out, but its just so much easier to hold it all in, coz everytym we let it out, it only opens up a pandora's box...... in my case, my friends even freaked out by what i say....... if keeping it in is the criteria for ppl to accept us then i think its the only way to do so ...............

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Yeah, it's hard. You either say what you feel and risk getting ridiculed or misunderstood (as in my case with my father) or you hold it in and just keep casual relationships casual. I understand that a lot of people cannot handle the issues of another person but you don't know until you try but trying might start a series of negative events.. and even might set yourself up for negative events in the future.

Two of my best friends in the past have taken what I told them in confidentiality and spread it around in mockery once we weren't friends anymore. One of them made fun of me because at some point I was scared half to death by the thought that I had anorexia (I realize now I have the tendencies but not it completely) and it was horrible.