[krisakira]

So my situation is that I was having a rough time living with my abusive parents in Ohio. I had a boyfriend who I met online and only knew online at that point. He lived with his mother. Well, his mother agreed to take me in to live with them, in KS. Now that is my living situation, living with my boyfriend and his mother. I don't have a job cause of my disabilities and have no money to go back to college at the moment. So I just sit around all day while my boyfriend goes to work. I clean around the house, and try to cope with myself, and go to therapy and stuff and that is pretty much all I do.

But my boyfriend's mother has many aggravating problems. From what I have been told, she was the youngest child in a large family, and got spoiled (she even admitted to me that she was spoiled when she was a child) and basically got everything she wanted without working for it, got away with stuff, etc. She worked for a lot of her life as an adult, but neglected many of my boyfriends (his son) needs, such as attention and emotional support. He basically raised himself and his younger sister. The TV was the babysitter.

His mother retired about 7 years ago (she is 69 now). She had it in her mind that after she retired, she would settle down and not have to do anything, or have any responsibilities. Her house became filthy, as she never cleaned it, and her bills piled up as she neglected to pay them. Her credit was a wreck. Her life only consisted of sitting in her lay-z-boy chair and playing solitaire and watching television. Because of this, she has gained weight, and is unable to do physical things she once used to be able to do. She has aged quicker because of her sedentary lifestyle. She is slowly deteriorating and doing nothing about it.

Now she is completely dependent on my boyfriend, her son, to take care of all her bills, finances, and medications (she's on like 30). She can't even bend over to pick something up anymore. She can't stand back up after sitting on the floor. She can't clean. And she sees no problem with her lifestyle, and says she can't do things because of her age. She doesn't seem to care one bit how her lifestyle consequences are affecting those around her, especially me and my boyfriend. She seems completely oblivious of the way she aggravates or frustrates or hurts us. \

I'm actually starting to feel the same frustration and agitation from her as I used to from my own mother when I lived with her. Which is weird because my mother abused me. My boyfriend's mother never abused me. She talks without thinking, and blurts out every single thought that comes through her mind, and it annoys me. I try my best to stay away from her, but I need to come up for air out of my room once in a while. She asks my boyfriend for several favors throughout the day, even though he works full-time, and he is very frustrated with her a lot of the time. If he doesn't do what she asks of him, she will play the guilt card. He hates it so much he usually just caves in and does what she asks, to avoid the guilt trip. This usually leads to him being more frustrated and it causes problems in our own relationship and even sex life, as he is most of the time too stressed out to have a sex drive. Then I get frustrated that his mom is controlling his emotions more than I can get him to feel emotions for me.

I don't know how much longer he and I can live like this with his mother. We plan on moving out in the next year or two. But of course his mother hates that idea simply because we do stuff for her, and without us around she will have to get her lazy butt up and actually do things.

Anyway... it's just really frustrating at this point. It's almost as bad as it was living at my parents house, and how frustrating it was living with my own mom. I just hope that I can tolerate it until we move out of her house. I feel really annoyed right now. I wish she would just shut up sometimes. I hate having such negative feelings towards someone, but I can't help it. She's annoying, self-centered, and lazy. She will start talking, as if everyone is supposed to stop everything they're doing just to listen to her. It's very hard for me to find motivation to do things like clean or take care of myself or things around the house, when all I see is her sitting on her butt watching TV. It's really gotten in the way with me taking care of my own responsibilities. Ugh! I hate it! How do I deal with these emotions?!

[krisakira]

So, just a little while ago, she (my boyfriends mom) was sitting in the kitchen, taking her pills. She looked down at the floor, and said "this floor has not been cleaned once since we moved here!" when in fact I have cleaned the floor several times. I told her, "yes it has" and she said "well this area of dirt has been here for 3 weeks!" and i told her, "why don't you clean it up then." ughhh, so frustrating. she talks about how things arent clean in her own house, when in fact I have cleaned them (just havent gotten around to cleaning it recently) and she never notices when I do. if you are gonna complain about the floors, then do it your own d.amn self. It felt so good for me to tell her to do it herself! although i know she never will, nor will she ever really understand what I meant when I said that... siiighh...

[Gus1234U]

hang in there Krisa, it's gonna be a bumpy ride~~ keep coming to chat,, keep your head on straight, you will get thru it somehow~ best wishes,, Gus

[Leed]

Hi Krisa - Hasn't your boyfriend even CONSIDERED that this woman is SEVERELY depressed!! She needs help and she needs it NOW. She also might be over-medicated! If i were her child, I would make an appointment with ANOTHER doctor and have her meds checked, and also see if she couldn't be put on an antidepressant. It just doesn't seem possible that this woman should be on 30 different medications!!! That's outrageous! Some of those might be doubled up! Plus, some of those might be CAUSING her depression.

She needs another doctor to look her over. If she won't go, I'd somehow MAKE her go -- I don't know how, but I'd find a way even if I had to bribe her. LOL But please get her checked out asap. Something isn't right.

Best of luck and God bless - I'm sure this is difficult. Hugs, Lee

[krisakira]

She is already on an antidepressant.... And sorry I just counted and it's 20 meds, but still it's a lot. We both have considered her depression to be causing all this. Yet she doesn't mope around like a depressed person, she acts perfectly content with how things are going. She's seeing a different doctor and they put her on even more meds... Like two more prescriptions I think. yea it is ridiculous

[Andie1962]

I feel your annoyance and frustration. Is there any way you and your boyfriend can move out sooner than 1 year?

[krisakira]

It all has to do with money.... He wants to move out after he is done with his online associates degree and can get a higher paying job.

I wonder...can you adjust your scheduale so as to be active when she is asleep...or would she persue you anyhow?

[thepft]

As i see it,i'm not sure what disabilities you have however,if you can i would encourage you to go out and do things that you enjoy as much as you can..Library, walks if you can,etc...anything you can do to get out of the house as much as you can.Breakup your current routine.Can you get a student loan? As far as being with her at home just keep in mind that it's not forever and she is not involved in saying what you can and can't do.But the main thing here i think is try to breakup your daily routine and get out of the house.Volunteer somewhere if you can for a cause that YOU like. I think you'll find after you do or try this she won't be so hard to take in the meantime..

Take care..