[LittleForgetMeNot]

Right now, emotionally, I'm alright. Right now I don't really feel anything. It's a relief after so many months of pain. However, every once in a while I'll have a thought like I used to have, that I miss how things used to be, wish I had never ruined it (when it wasn't my fault at all) and other things like that. I don't want to think that way, and I don't want to go back to crying about the jerks who've harassed me. I'm fine right now, I want to stay that way, but of course a part of me wants to stay this way no matter what, even if I had to still talk to the people who've been mean to me. I'm a loyal person at heart, I'm like a dog who keeps missing the owner that abuses her, so it's like it's a curse stuck in my genetics. I don't want to be bothered, I want to be left alone, make new and better friends like the one I had at school, get used to real life again and get out of my unstable mind. But it seems the stupid part of me, that loyalty or the loneliness wants me miserable.

[Open Eyes]

Littleforgetmenot,

Your positive side is headed in the right direction. Your desire to make healthier friends who can appreciate you and even motivate you into a healthier direction is good.

What you are feeling about walking away and seperating from the people that hurt you is normal. When we linger in a bad situation and are abused, sometimes we have a comfort there because it was something we were used to. When ever someone upgrades they always kinda miss the old house that was not as nice as the new one or the old car that still ran but the new one is nicer and has better safety features. Some people describe it as buyer's remorse. It is not that they bought something new that gives cause for remorse but it is more that they wonder if they deserve it or if they will really like it or did they make the right choice. And the other thing that they are dealing with is the new buttons that aren't familiar or the new house that doesn't have the familiar feel of the old one.

The good news is that after we settle into a new house or a new car we slowly begin to get used to living in that new house or driving that new car. Then we get to the stage where we feel more comfortable and start to realize that the new car is more fun to drive and they really like the new buttons and it is a much better design. The same goes for a house when they see they have more room in a closet or that they can actually have more places to put groceries in the cabinets in the kitchen.

So, give it some time, this new path you are on. Let the positive direction get more comfortable. I guaruntee that you will get to the stage that that is the way you really want to travel in life. Being around postive people who are active and busy and friendlier and more balanced is always a good place to hang out.

Keep heading the right direction
Open Eyes