I went to a marriage and family support forum and I asked a question:

"Recently we had to put our beloved elderly cat to sleep. It was the first time in four years together that I had ever seen my husband cry. Now he says he is embarrassed about it, but actually it made me love him even more. How can I help him see that it is nothing to be ashamed of?"

The answers I got, before I pulled my question altogether, were:

1. "But it is something to be ashamed of. I can see a man crying over a dog, but not a cat. What a wuss."

2. "You murdered a cat. I'd be ashamed too."

Why are people like this?

[Leed]

Pay no attention to those idiotic fools. People who post things like that don't even belong here. Shame on them ~ some are sicker than others.

Your husband is MORE macho as far as I'm concerned because he's not afraid to show his emotions. He's sure of his manhood, and he's not afraid to cry. That shows true manlihood to me

And of COURSE you did not murder the cat ~ you did a humane thing by putting the poor thing out of it's misery. It's not an easy decision to make. It's one of the hardest things to do when you love your pet ~ I remember having to do the same thing, and it really affected me terribly. But for Pete's sake, you didn't MURDER the poor thing.!!!

People CAN be incredibly cruel -- why they feel they have to say anything at all is beyond me. I guess they just like to hurt people. They don't need to be here as far as I'm concerned, and you should have reported their answers to the moderators, if there are any here on Psych Central. In my opinion, these two jokers should be banned.

I'm sorry you were the brunt of these idiots. Please know that I'm sorry you had to put your pet to sleep ~ and i know it was hard for you to do. And just keep reassuring your husband that you think he's MORE macho for being able to cry!!! God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[lynn P.]

I'm so sorry you had this experience...was this on another site??? Unfortunately some people on the internet make it their daily goal to be mean and flaming to people. I'm very sorry you lost your dear pet and yes it very normal even for a man to cry. Men have these kind of feelings too, but some men aren't comfortable with crying. It can be from the way they were raised or social conditioning.

Before my kids were born we had this beautiful black Persia cat who had cardio myopathy. We have to rush him to the emergency vet at 3:00 am and unfortunately he was suffering and nothing additional could be done, so we had to euthanize him. My husband held him and I couldn't even be in the room. My husband cried and we brought him home in his blanket. He cried while we buried him in the rose garden - we didn't like the idea of the vet mass burials.

So yes, it completely normal for men to cry and he shouldn't be ashamed in the least for expressing a true emotion. A pet is a pet -whether it's a cat, dog, hamster, snake etc - one isn't more deserving of tears. My pet is a member of my family as I'm sure your dear cat was and it's really hurts when we lose them. Whoever said those comments is a cruel insensitive person looking to make you mad. Real men do cry and personally I admire a man who can express those emotions. My husband also cries when Extreme Makeover is on and he's a very strong man. Strength has nothing to do with crying - in fact a man who's confident with himself, is able to show his emotions without embarrassment. Once again I'm very sorry for your loss of this special member of your family

To be clear, it was on another site, not on PC. Thanks for the support so far. I'm reeling--I just don't understand why people choose to act that way toward others.

[Omers]

Um... can't say anything that isn't going to get "bleeped out".

Hugs

[scarlet11]

They are jerks! Don't listen!

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Omers

Um... can't say anything that isn't going to get "bleeped out".

Hugs

[AAAAA]

It sounds very much like children playing on the computer.

[AvidReader]

How awful, Lovebirdsflying; I'm so sorry those people were so mean.

[Addie76]

Don't listen to those idiotic fools!
Your hubbie has nothing to be ashamed of. I've gone through the same with my eldest cat and it takes a lot to make that decision and he's a better man for showing his true feelings.

Why not let him read these messages? Might make him feel better.

Hugs,

Addie

I'd like to, but...

He knows I sometimes post about him online, when I'm having trouble talking to him about something, and after I'd already posted it, he asked me not to discuss that. I told him I hadn't, with anyone who knows him. But clearly he doesn't want to talk about it, so I can't show him the responses.