[philliesnation08]

Hi everyone:

I'm new here. I honestly don't know if this is the place to do what I want to do, but I just came somewhere for some advice and to vent. I'm in a very stressful and confusing situation and idk.

Anyway. I'm a 21 year old male. Recently, as in the past two weeks, my mom, my brother, and myself moved into a new house with my moms "boyfriend." They had been together for about 8 years and we have all lived together for the past 5 or so. Last time around this year mom my and her boyfriend were having major problems and my mom wanted to leave him. We moved out. The idea was that she would move on from him and start a new life. Obviosly that is hard. She was not able to do so and we just moved into a new house with him again.

A week after moving in, turns out he has a girlfriend. It has all gone down hill from there. My mom never knew about this woman. Nobody can figure out why he would do what he did. My mom is hurting a lot, and it is also hurting me. The reason it hurts me so much is that my mom is so hurt and I want to punish this guy for doing what he is doing to her. Everyone has their relationship problems and I understand if he doesn't want to be with her, but he never should have moved us in and lied to her and lead her on.

It keeps getting worse. Today apparently he told my mom he had intentions of moving this girlfriend in. The lease they just signed has both of their names on it. Hopefully he can't do something like that. At the same time we can't just leave, it will violate the lease and she cannot afford it. Very bad situation.

I'm pretty stressed out and for the most part trying with every part of me to keep myself from doing something stupid to this man that I will regret. I know me acting out would only make matters worse and hurt my mother worse, but that's easier said than done. I'm trying to accept the things I cannot control and not stress about them, but I just can't seem to do it. Maybe I should see a counselor/therapist? I wouldn't even know where to look. I don't even know what to do about this situation. I just don't know in general...

Hiya,

i just wanted to reassure you that acting out is not a good idea. What helps me, and this is corny, is the serenity prayer. It's

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference

I also wanted to validate your feelings. it's a horrible position to be in. You may want to talk to the office manager about your mom breaking the lease and moving out. Even though her name is on it so long as one of them stays in the unit the entirety of the lease. This is what happened when I divorced my husband. I know it's possible in California anyway so look into the tenancy laws where you are at.

Love and hugs,
Tara

[Denver Dave]

I'm pretty stressed out and for the most part trying with every part of me to keep myself from doing something stupid to this man that I will regret.

It's obviously an unhealthy situation for everyone involved. You need to figure out a way to get out of that house and make a life for yourself. Maybe you and your brother can get an apartment together.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by philliesnation08

Hi everyone:

I'm new here. I honestly don't know if this is the place to do what I want to do, but I just came somewhere for some advice and to vent. I'm in a very stressful and confusing situation and idk.

Anyway. I'm a 21 year old male. Recently, as in the past two weeks, my mom, my brother, and myself moved into a new house with my moms "boyfriend." They had been together for about 8 years and we have all lived together for the past 5 or so. Last time around this year mom my and her boyfriend were having major problems and my mom wanted to leave him. We moved out. The idea was that she would move on from him and start a new life. Obviosly that is hard. She was not able to do so and we just moved into a new house with him again.

A week after moving in, turns out he has a girlfriend. It has all gone down hill from there. My mom never knew about this woman. Nobody can figure out why he would do what he did. My mom is hurting a lot, and it is also hurting me. The reason it hurts me so much is that my mom is so hurt and I want to punish this guy for doing what he is doing to her. Everyone has their relationship problems and I understand if he doesn't want to be with her, but he never should have moved us in and lied to her and lead her on.

It keeps getting worse. Today apparently he told my mom he had intentions of moving this girlfriend in. The lease they just signed has both of their names on it. Hopefully he can't do something like that. At the same time we can't just leave, it will violate the lease and she cannot afford it. Very bad situation.

I'm pretty stressed out and for the most part trying with every part of me to keep myself from doing something stupid to this man that I will regret. I know me acting out would only make matters worse and hurt my mother worse, but that's easier said than done. I'm trying to accept the things I cannot control and not stress about them, but I just can't seem to do it. Maybe I should see a counselor/therapist? I wouldn't even know where to look. I don't even know what to do about this situation. I just don't know in general...

One solution would be for your mother's ex-boyfriend to arrange to have his new girlfriend replace your mother on the lease. That would be a good solution, financially speaking, and you might suggest it to your mother and her ex-boyfriend. If instead the ex-boyfriend is trying to take advantage of your mother's finances by having your mother pay half of the rent while his new girlfriend moves in for free, I still think your mother should contact the landlord, explain the situation, and get out of the lease.