[siljie]

I feel so alone, all the time... Even on here, I just feel like nobody cares. I never get any PMs, no visitor messages, and if I do it's because I tried to start a conversation first... I try to reply to posts, and I try to be friendly and nice but it feels like nobody gives a care. It's like, just because I don't pour my story and traumas out onto this website doesn't mean they don't exist, and that I'm not worthy of being asked if I'm okay. Sorry, I'm sounding really selfish right now. I just really could use the support... I'm so lonely in real life. I have friends, but I'm not really... close to anybody. Close as in, talk to them about feelings and the past, etc. There is only one person I can really do that with, and lately it seems like she could care less because she hasn't made an effort to talk to me. My other best friend just hasn't been around, and we rarely talked about anything of that sort.

I feel completely and utterly misunderstood, and the things I'm told on a daily basis hurt soo soo much... I'm laughed at and teased when I flinch, then they move their hand quickly at me to do it again then laugh some more. It's not like I can help it. I usually just joke it off but instead it really really hurts. I can't control my reactions.

And the two members in my family that know about the abuse that caused my PTSD, just tell me to get over it. My sister even told me I deserved to be beaten and practically tortured and that I didn't deserve her respect and that she hates me and I'm just a stupid little ****** anyway.And she BEFRIENDED the person that made my life a living hell like it was nothing. And my mom just expects me to build a bridge and get over it. Only my T seems to understand that I just can't do that... I can't erase the things that I've seen, undo the hurt that I've felt. And during the abuse, all I wanted was a hero, that night in shining armor to come and help me and save me and get me out. But it was ME that had to make that decision, take that risk - to get out. All alone.

Everyone in my grade... I just don't have very many friends in my grade, even just friends, friends that I am not super close to... I used to have a lot, but I lost them. I lost them because I lost my tolerance and when they treated me like crap, I eventually took no more of it. And now I'm being mocked by a group of them, and a former best friend that I thought took me for who I am... but in the end cared more about looks and his own image then personality and friendship. Being lonely is one thing; but being mocked about it is another.

They have no idea what I deal with on a daily basis, the internal battle that I've been trying so hard to win... I've turned so cold, isolated, and paranoid. But at the same time, I want someone to love me.. yet I'm too afraid trust anyone. Everyone things I'm this indestructible, happy-go-lucky, confident and talented girl who has it great. I try to let no weakness shine through. But I'm slowly deteriorating..

Whiny teen angst, you've heard it all before...

[Miss Laura]

Hey Siljie,

I am so sorry you feel like that. I hope people who you have contacted talk to you. We have all been 'whiny teen' i will talk to you later in morning it's nearly 5am here and as usual I'm being an insomniac. Hope your okay? Take care

[jcbaker51679]

I often feel the way you do, no one seems to understand the internal battle everyone faces, even though all internal battles are different. Hi, my name is Jess. Thought I would introduce myself, and let you know I am here if you ever need to talk! I am not perfect, but I am a good listener. I hope that you will contact me if you are ever in need of an ear. I promise to always respond. I can be reached via messenger @ jcbaker51679 (yahoo messenger)

You are not alone in your struggles.

[siljie]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Hey Siljie,

I am so sorry you feel like that. I hope people who you have contacted talk to you. We have all been 'whiny teen' i will talk to you later in morning it's nearly 5am here and as usual I'm being an insomniac. Hope your okay? Take care

Thank you very much.

Originally Posted by jcbaker51679

I often feel the way you do, no one seems to understand the internal battle everyone faces, even though all internal battles are different. Hi, my name is Jess. Thought I would introduce myself, and let you know I am here if you ever need to talk! I am not perfect, but I am a good listener. I hope that you will contact me if you are ever in need of an ear. I promise to always respond. I can be reached via messenger @ jcbaker51679 (yahoo messenger)

You are not alone in your struggles.

It's good to know I'm not alone.. even though it sure feels like it. I don't have yahoo messenger, but it is nice to meet you and thank you.

[danii24]

i felt the way u do some times about people not responding to me but then after a while a post will come up under something i posted. u can pm me ne time if want ill gt bac to u. i only made 1 frind on this site but thats because he added me ive nvr added ne1 myself.

if you need to tlk u cn msg me ne time. i hope your not put of thinking people are not interested here i tink every1 here has there own issues.

[siljie]

Originally Posted by danii24

i felt the way u do some times about people not responding to me but then after a while a post will come up under something i posted. u can pm me ne time if want ill gt bac to u. i only made 1 frind on this site but thats because he added me ive nvr added ne1 myself.

if you need to tlk u cn msg me ne time. i hope your not put of thinking people are not interested here i tink every1 here has there own issues.

Yes, I've read some of your posts and I can really relate to a lot of what you say. I've never added anyone, but accept when they request me(yay) but I might start trying that soon. Thank you.

[Miss Laura]

Hey Siljie,

How are you today?

I hope you stay around and see what the forum has to offer. We are a good bunch here, there are so many time zones and posts to read and reply to we all miss at times someone who really does need our support. I am sorry this has happened to you. I would like to say though, stick with us. This forum has been a God send for so many of us. I know from experience.

[Starvin4Perfection]

I'm so sorry Siljie!

You're definitely not alone, I think all of us have felt that way before. I hope you learn to trust and gain the ability to open up to people. One thing I've noticed on here is that people are really supportive and are always willing to be an ear and a friend. If there's anything I can do, please don't hesitate. I hope you feel a little better and that you aren't alone!

[siljie]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Hey Siljie,

How are you today?

I hope you stay around and see what the forum has to offer. We are a good bunch here, there are so many time zones and posts to read and reply to we all miss at times someone who really does need our support. I am sorry this has happened to you. I would like to say though, stick with us. This forum has been a God send for so many of us. I know from experience.

My day has been better than my recent ones, actually and I'm thankful for that. For a while I've just felt kind of left out of it all, but I think the more I hang around it the more I like it and feel appreciated.

Originally Posted by Starvin4Perfection

I'm so sorry Siljie!

You're definitely not alone, I think all of us have felt that way before. I hope you learn to trust and gain the ability to open up to people. One thing I've noticed on here is that people are really supportive and are always willing to be an ear and a friend. If there's anything I can do, please don't hesitate. I hope you feel a little better and that you aren't alone!

Thank you, and I hope that I can too. It's a slow process, but maybe someday I'll get there.

[SoupDragon]

Hi Siljie - sorry to hear you have been having such a tough, lonely time.

But I wanted to also say, well done for posting how you are feeling and look how many people have responded positively to that post - I think it is hard for anyone to know how it is for someone else unless we are told. I know I care about everyone on here, we all have our mountain to climb and sometimes that can be a real struggle and I kind of feel we are all climbing together and if someone's foot slips we are there for them to help them back up again.

It can take time to get a response to a post - I have not dared venture into the chat rooms yet (that is scarey for me), but maybe that may a place to get more instant support if you need to talk to someone.

Take care, let us know how you are - SD

[siljie]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

Hi Siljie - sorry to hear you have been having such a tough, lonely time.

But I wanted to also say, well done for posting how you are feeling and look how many people have responded positively to that post - I think it is hard for anyone to know how it is for someone else unless we are told. I know I care about everyone on here, we all have our mountain to climb and sometimes that can be a real struggle and I kind of feel we are all climbing together and if someone's foot slips we are there for them to help them back up again.

It can take time to get a response to a post - I have not dared venture into the chat rooms yet (that is scarey for me), but maybe that may a place to get more instant support if you need to talk to someone.

Take care, let us know how you are - SD

Thank you. Yes, ever since I posted this I have made a couple new friends. I guess I should have thought about it a little more though - because, I can't really complain about it because it's not my fault not too many people on here know me.. I'm not a huge poster and I'm not on all the time so it's hard for them to get to know me in the first place. I occasionally go into the chat rooms, but of course everyone is always rather silent the times I am in there so I usually get sidetracked and eventually log out.. Perhaps I should try that again when I have time.

[danii24]

-" I have not dared venture into the chat rooms yet (that is scarey for me), but maybe that may a place to get more instant support if you need to talk to someone".

Yes i cnt go into the chat roomseither ur nt alone there. i did once and i freakd it and left it seems scary to me to but there seems to be alot of support in them i might go in soon.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

I've been a a couple of years and still can't go into the chat rooms, so I understand your feelings dannii.

Try to push through this Siljie; it will take time but you will make more friends. People do care hon, I think sometimes we skim over things too when we don't have a lot of time to post, and we see something and say "Hmmm...I'll have to respond to that later" then never do.

You were strong enough to post and that is a real bonus for you. I'll be keeping a check on how you are because I, like the others, do care, we are just not always visible on here because of other committments.

Take it easy )O(

Blessings
Rhiannon