narcissist's nuclear winter

I am a 21 year old male and ever since I was about 13 I've felt like something was wrong/different about me so I searched and searched for the answer and now I know its narcism. Finding out is really hard because you basically learn that you are only the shell of empty person who only cares about being seen as perfect and happy. The thing thats really getting to me though is that all these relationships Ive had and probably the ones in the future will be tainted with narcissistic intent. I only value people that are a good narcissistic supply to fuel my delusions of myself. No relationship and feelings can be substantial or sincere because they are all just to get more fuel. I try when I can to be genuine but if people were to see the true me, which is a worthless self mutilator, they would never like me. Whenever I try to make friends these thoughts run through my mind and I totally obsess over them I kind of lose touch with reality and when I come back I feel deathly cold and empty. i'll keep living my life the same way because to be honest i like the pain and anguish but still futilely hope for miracle cause hey thats what a crazy person does. No matter how i feel i will always try to look like this on the outside. So do you think there is any way for me to be sincere or to get rid of the sabotaging thoughts? any words are welcome. i feel so alone.

Not unless you really want to change & are willing to do the hard work that it takes to make the changes. Miracles only happen to those people who want them.

Sounds like you are in a difficult position......if you are in Therapy, it would be a good thing to talk to your Therapist about. My husband that I left after 33 years of marriage never wanted to change.....he thought I would just continue tolerating him for the rest of my life.....but I had enough & couldn't stand him any longer. It came as a surprise to him as he never thought I would leave.....but it wasn't enough to bring him to change what was destroying the marriage.

Life is a process of defining what we want & what we need to be like to get ourselves to be what we want. It can change over time.....but any change always requires some level of self-change that takes work. Wishing you the best in your future.

I suspect we all have narcissistic tendencies, if it makes you feel better. You have the power to change, now that you know that you are prone to create relationships with people on a superficial basis. Don't submit to being something that you don't want to be, just because there is a "disorder" out there that describes your current attitude. You now know and understand that you want to empathize more with other people, and have more fulfilling relationships with them. That is the first and most essential step! But changing your habits will take time and persistence. It can be done, though. You are obviously NOT alone, because you are not the only person with these traits. The question is: what are you going to do about it? You have all the tools you need to become the person you want to be, you just need to use them. :-)

when your in a relationship regardless if its a friendship or girlfriend it's not about the lust of power, money, or "what about me" phase it's about unconditional love.
i've seen too many couples break up or get a divorce because of pride.
knowing that you are a narcissist there are support groups for you to overcome ths behavior it's not too late your only 21.
work on yourself you don't want to be 80 old and all alone because of being a narcissist.