I sometimes hate my mother ..

I do .. I really do!

I believe she is the most selfish person i have ever seen in my life.. She always uses me .. When i wanted to study, she didnt allow me, when i wanted to work, she was not convinced.. reason being, that would make her alone..then she pressed me to work because she needs money .. Not even once, she asked me what i wanted to do with my life .. what i like to have .. She is the only obstacle in between my every dream, aim of life ..

My hatred feelings for her sometimes make me frustrated & guilty as well.. I have decided not to speak to her .. in this way, i wouldn't misbehave with her, nor i would feel guilty later on ..

How do you guys deal with Hatred feelings? Do you hate someone in your family or any close person, you cannot avoid? Please give me some tips to deal with this .. I have a headache right now just because i was so furious at her .. and i couldn't vent it out on her ..

Hi Abyssal, I know how you feel. If it was not for my dad I would have rid my mother from my life long ago. I know, (as maybe is the case with your mother) that she has her own issues that I have to realize are there and maybe she cannot control them like I sometimes cannot control mine... but still I was not put on this earth to be her emotial punching bag. It took many, many... many theripy sessions to realize her behaviour is her behaviour and there is nothing I can do about it. Until she is ready to admit she has a problem no one can help her. I don't know your personal situation, but for me to cope I had to distance myself as much as I could from her. As much as it caused me pain I had to stand up for myself. I don't mean vent on her, but rather point out what she is doing and that it is not an acceptable way to talk to you. I had to stop trying to be the perfect daughter and try to be the best me I could be.

Do you have a theripest who can help you find your voice, without losing your head?

Sorry I tend to ramble. I just wanted you to know you are not alone.

HI ABYSSAL AND DIANA,
I think possibly everybody feels like this at some point in their lives, or sometimes more often dependent on the situation. Parents try to control, no matter your age often it is Because they do actually really care. But, some parents are too controlling and then it may become a problem. As can cause constant fighting, everyone has the right to a view/ and to be able to live their life for themselves. Some need more support, but still need to make informed decisions with/without support dependant on health needs etc.
I feel guilty for hating anyone, but a very common emotion and I think helps to reflect on it. If somebody has distressed you, a very common reaction.
It might help to communicate to the family member how your feeling, and most important how they are making you feel. If can't talk directly, try writing it Down and giving them. Then maybe a resolution can be attempted and all the family can try to help each other out, in more positive ways.
Please keep your dreams, and don't let go. It's possible to achieve anything
And don't let other's hold you back. Maybe try some new hobbies/ interests as a stress relief if feeling stressed from the situation.
Take care,
KATE

Its really great to see that there is someone who can feel my pain, and have gone through same scenario... thank you for giving your input & advice.

I am also trying same, staying away from her as much as i can .. she is not allowing me to move anywhere for my studies.. but i will keep on pushing her .. In this weekend, thrice i fought with her on small issues.. i always feel guilty after that, i dont want to misbehave with her, quarrel with her but she pushes me on that .. Now, i am trying to avoid any kind of conversation with her .. I know her issues.. she is a bipolar .. but that doesn't mean that she is going to spare every child and use me only for her purpose. Sometimes i feel sympathy for her, and sometimes, she frustrates me to an extent that i start hating her .. I want to distance myself from her and i am trying to do anything for it.. thats why i started working, now i am thinking to do a part time job ..

sometimes, i do really feel like attending counselling .. you know what? i have done my honors in psychology .. and its my passion .. but my mother is being hindrance in pursuing my career in it .. Anyway, i sometimes do want to go for counselling , i dont have any disorder i am sure but i do have some issues to deal with .. some emotions to handle... but, here in my part of the world, all doctors are arabs, hardly anyone is good in communicating in English my mom herself is on medications .. and there was no proper counselling session with her... this is a system here .. pathetic!!

So, did you manage to distance yourself with her? Are you living with her? Living with such kind of person is most difficult thing.

Felt good to talk to you .. Keep posting .. thanks alot!!!

You don't need a disorder to need counseling. I suggest looking around. I went to 4 different places before finding one that worked for me. There are even local places that offer free counseling. Sure it is not with a doctor, but they are still highly trained and if they cannot help you they can probably point you to someone who can. I don't know where you live, but what I did was look in my local phonebook and found a section of The Department of Health (government I know - but a place to start ) that focused on Mental health. From there I found a free support group, and from there I was able to find a councilor and from there I found a great pdoc who got me into the counseling that saved my life. Yes all those steps where discouraging at times and it didn't happen over night. But I had reached a point I think you may be at - I was tired of hurting and being hurt.

I have managed to distance myself from her - but not completely. I moved to another part of the country to go to university - yes I am $paying$ for it now - but it was worth it I do live closer to her now - but still far enough away I only visit when needed. Basically I am torn, my dad and mother are still together. My dad is great. He is not perfect (but then who is ) and I try to be there for him. Doing that means I have to see her.

Thank you for posting. I have the same problems with my mother.

I just had to cut myself off from her completely. Unfortunately, I lost a tremendous person - my father - as a result. He obviously sided with her so I don't get to see him It's soo incredibly sad but I couldn't stand one more second of the abuse.

She made it really easy for me, though. When I confided in her about struggling with A/P/Agor/SI, etc. she threw it back in my face and actually had the nerve to question me. At that point, there was no reason for me to have one more word with her at all. Ever. Again.

It's been since November and we haven't exchanged a single word. Which is OK with me because when I think of her I get so upset I start with the SI again

Have you looked into a co-dependency type group? that really helped me a lot, along with going to my T/P, coming here. I have a very, very long way to go in recovery; however, it's a lot easier when someone isn't bullying me.

Also, when you change, the people around you resist the change. Especially if you have developed a pattern. it's good to separate yourself physically from the person/people if you can, as well

Good luck and please keep posting!