Making baby, baby on the way, kid, family talk - at the office

Now that it is summer, many of my female colleagues at work - especially the new, incredibly annoying culturally challenged ones - are all about the baby and kid talk while at work.

The way a couple of them talk about it really triggers me. I feel so sad when it starts up, Gethsemane depressed and then terribly emotional And then of course I want to (a) tell them to shut up and/or (b) run out the door.

One of the new girls in particular is getting married soon and she talks about it constantly. In addition to talking quite loudly about all the details, she discusses with everyone at every chance she gets about how she "wants one" (a baby like it's a coveted sports car) and how she is planning for 4. (Oh dear. I hope her soon to be husband knows). She is also incredibly dumb, ditzy, irresponsible, naive and immature. Definitely not the brightest bulb. So just by hearing her voice, I start feeling agitated.

She is the type that has gotten by in her life by prostituting herself, manipulating, lying and by her appearance. She was the one that was served a summons at the office the other day and is being sued for whatever stupidity she caused now.

She is all about the jumping around like a high school teenager, the expert on all things pregnancy related to everyone around her. Totally unsolicited.

The thing that hurts the most is when the girls are bragging about all the things their kids are doing (making sure to always include how incredible they are as moms to juggle these work/family thing), also loudly bragging about the private exclusive this and that blah blah blah.

They have no idea how much it hurts me. Actually one or two have an inkling and do it in front of me anyway .

Today I could not bear hearing one more word come out of the dumb one's mouth and left for the day. I could just feel myself slipping into that horrible feeling of depression. Grief mixed with feelings of loss and memories that I wanted it all too and almost had it. Twice. But both fiances died.

To make things worse I am at an age that having children would be high risk ...too high risk and I am sans husband.

Also in all reality, I am still working on myself and hav a lot of work to do before I could be a positive role model and successful parent.

I dont know how to deal with this though. I havent really even begun to deal with it with my T. When the subject came up a couple of times I started sobbing from my inner depths and remembering how much we couldnt wait to be parents in our new extended family. And both times things came crashing down.

Any advice for tools to help me cope would be greatly appreciated.

(((((((Rose)))))))

This really sounds like a difficult situation.

I don't know the motivations that those girls could possibly have while talking about their babies and being pregnant and so on. I don't relate with the idea of those things being accomplishments at all, so that sounds confusing to me. I do however know that when people have something in common they tend to gravitate to one another, talk about it and neglect the minority that does not connect with these things. And that can be, in my experience, quite frustrating.

I read that when you hear these things, it really bothers you. And it sounds to me like you're feeling very hurt and angry and would like some consideration?

At the root of that is great sadness and mourning for that which you've lost. In addition to the pain of losing two loved ones, there is a sense of a lost opportunity, perhaps? And the distance that you're feeling from the hope of having a child and being a parent is agonising.

I can't think of anything short of addressing these feelings that could help. I think losses like these are too profound and too enormous for us to even think about them in a vague sense without being deeply affected. So I would suggest that perhaps resolving to talk about it at least with your T is a move you could make. And by that I mean seeing this loss as something to confront actively.

I'm concerned that that will sound very harsh and difficult to you, and I don't want to make this more difficult for you. Sounds like you're having a really tough time and need support and hope. Perhaps connecting with those needs too can be helpful.

I am here for any support I can provide.

Love,
Bean

((((Bean)))) thank you for your thoughtful lovely reply. I helps so much to have an opportunity to share it here. It is a subject that is way too deep and complex to address it in a public way. There is so much to it that no regular everyday person IRL would care to listen to. And frankly, these are definitely not the type of people I could share it with.

So the only thing I can think of right now is to leave. Remove myself from the situation.

It is a terribly painful subject for me: a personal life topic mixed with deep sadness, regret, and (triggering) memories.

I am meeting with my new T this coming week so I just hope I can muster up the courage to discuss it with him. (my wonderful, previous T is leaving the practice to go to a new one too far away for me to go to).

Harsh. Not at all ((((Bean)))) Supportive and caring...absolutely. Thank you again.

Hugs to you,
Rose

I am so sorry Rose.

I can certainly feel your pain ~ you expressed it very well. You could print a copy and give it to your T to read, perhaps that would make it easier to get onto this subject. It sounds like you have a lot of intense emotions just below the surface, always in danger of exploding. Talking about these things now could help a lot. Maybe not immediately, but the relief would come much more quickly than if you simply continue to avoid talking about the intense thoughts & feelings.

You have every right to feel like you do. Sometimes, people aren't real considerate of other people's feelings. Some people are often like that ~ just wrapped up in themselves and their world, like you co-worker. And, occasionally other people become wrapped up in the drama & then they snap back into reality again. Either way, it hurts to see others being oblivious and/or carefree to your pain. It's an insult.

Gentle hugs to you....

(((Shez))))

I think Shezbut is onto something about printing this out... Sometimes it's difficult to say these things to your therapist, but I also think they're wired to take in information however it comes. So you could, in fact, even email them before the session, and then see how it comes up, or if it comes up. That way, he knows. And it can evolve from there.

((((((Rose)))))

I really hope you find some relief soon. Many many hugs.

((((Bean))))

Sweetie, this is a very inconsiderate thing for those cackle-heads to be doing. I cannot BELIEVE that they don't know of your losses! I'm sure they do, and if they're doing this out of some sort of revenge, or just having "fun" at your expense, then they are probably the cruelest people I've ever heard of!

Why can't you talk to the supervisor of all of you? I mean the boss of all those old hens? It would seem to me that the boss would be sympathetic, and would shut those idiots up! They don't need to be chirping all day AT WORK anyway! They need to shut up and get to work! So I think the boss could take care of it. Yes, it might be difficult to talk to the boss about it, but I think it would be worth it. And yes, then the girls would know WHO "told" on them, but who cares?? They're being very hateful towards you right now, so screw them!

I'd talk to the boss in a heartbeat. They need to be quiet! God bless and please take care hon. And keep us posted, will you? Hugs, Lee

Sometimes I think to myself that children and marriage are now the only things that those people will have in their life, and that is their ultimate goal, nothing else than that. You have life experience and have been through a lot. Society makes people believe that in order to be complete you need this and that, and I just tell myself that those are not the keys to happiness, because they are not.

((((Lee)))) ((((DG))))

I am going to print my comments on the thread and give it to my T. for our first session because it seems to be the most pressing / most hurtful situation right now.

It is affecting my work

Thanks Friends for the suggestion and support.

Rose, that's great! Let us know how it works out... Many many hugs!

Hi ((((Bean)))) thank you xx
my session went ok in terms of a first session. I went in pretty depressed and left feeling so-so. I didnt bring in any of my PC writings afterall. I thought I would start another T personal journal again,though.

I have some fears and uncertainties about T2. Not quite sure what to make of things. I wrote about it in my journal last night.
I think it is only fair to give it another couple of tries before I make a decision.

Frankly, something about him scares me a little. He comes so highly recommended too. IDK.

All I know is that I want to put all of this painful past behind me so I can live life again.