[xxxispillcoffeexxx]

I had a really good session with my therapist today and wanted to share a little bit of what I learned. I've been torn between my idealization and devaluation cycle of my adoptive parents. I've been completely obsessed by any contact with them whatsoever. I've been like physically checking my phone every five minutes and my email.

But I learned today that I'm not attracted to narcissistic, self absorbed people. I have been very un-considerate and selfishly thinking that my emotions were the only important thing. I truly believed for most of my life that everything was about how I felt and the people I loved had to match my intensity instantly or they weren't worth my time.

There is no chance to have a relationship with a narcissist. They live in their own dream world and see people as a tool for their own projections of themselves. There is no room for validation or consideration of another persons feelings when we are preoccupied with only ourselves.

In order to have a relationship the ability to have empathy and simple consideration and communication of emotions are essential. We have to understand that every person feels emotions differently and it's not our world and someone else is just living in it.

I learned that as a person suffering from co-occurring mental illness my emotions are very much at ten high, and when someone responds to me only at a six, I get angry or depressed or upset. I want to learn patience and life will teach me that. Work will teach me patience and understanding. I want to be more considerate and respectful of other peoples emotions.

I learned that there are no absolutes in life, only death. There is a gray area to life that I am searching for in my relationship with my parents. They have been considerate and understanding of my disorders since I was diagnosed. If anyone has any advice on how to express myself with consideration and respect for others feelings please let me know. I am eager to learn.

You sound like you are well on your way...congrats. A lot of us need to learn that our emotions are not the only things going.

[Leed]

First you must chose your words carefully and think before you speak. You must be sure that what you are going to say isn't going to hurt the other person. In order to be compassionate, you have to think how YOU would feel in the same situation. In order to be considerate, you must make sure you are being polite and "considering" the others feelings when you speak. In order to be respectful, if it's someone older than you, you must consider their age, and treat them with honor and know that since they ARE older than you, they KNOW more than you too, so treat them with the respect that they are due. As for respect for others feelings, that should be a "no-brainer -- you just do not say hurtful things. You think before you speak, being careful of the words you use.

I hope this is somewhat helpful. Sometimes I have trouble thinking of the proper words to use to make it more clear. If I have completely confused you, let me know. Hugs, Lee