[hezaa82]

So far 2013 hasn't been too kind to me... I've been in a rut ever since I got back from visiting the US over winter break. I had a lot of stories from the US I wanted to share but no one to share them with... I feel very isolated.

The only friends I see regularly are a couple friends at dance practice, but it's hard to talk to them while we're at practice, and to begin with they're difficult people to talk to about anything serious.

And there's my coworker J. I really enjoy talking to him because he's a really good listener and makes me feel like he really cares about what I'm saying. But that's the problem. He's really important to me but I don't feel important to him and it's causing me lots of pain. We almost got together romantically over the summer but in the end he wanted to stay friends. But during that period he made me feel so cared for and he felt so present in my life. I haven't had a lot of people be kind to me or pay attention to me in my life, and I really believed that he was there for me. He got sick of my neediness and pushed me away and that was devastating.

It's hard for me not to be needy because I have so few friends. I tried to be good and not act needy around him and he said he liked it when I was like that, but it made me feel constantly anxious because we aren't at the level of intimacy that I want. Last night I told him I wanted to talk about things, but from the start he made it clear he didn't want to spend much time on the topic. He said he thinks we never had anything special, which hurts because we did talk about getting together which means we had something. I know he's under a lot of stress right now. He was seeing a Japanese girl but he just ended things with her because it was too much for him. I get the feeling he might an emotional avoidant? On one hand I love the time I do get to spend with him, but on the other hand it hurts that I'm not important to him.

I don't really have anyone in my life I can share myself with. Therapists say I should just be happy with what people offer me even if it's not what I want, but I can't be happy with just a handful of superficial relationships

[optimize990h]

Originally Posted by hezaa82

So far 2013 hasn't been too kind to me... I've been in a rut ever since I got back from visiting the US over winter break. I had a lot of stories from the US I wanted to share but no one to share them with... I feel very isolated.

The only friends I see regularly are a couple friends at dance practice, but it's hard to talk to them while we're at practice, and to begin with they're difficult people to talk to about anything serious.

And there's my coworker J. I really enjoy talking to him because he's a really good listener and makes me feel like he really cares about what I'm saying. But that's the problem. He's really important to me but I don't feel important to him and it's causing me lots of pain. We almost got together romantically over the summer but in the end he wanted to stay friends. But during that period he made me feel so cared for and he felt so present in my life. I haven't had a lot of people be kind to me or pay attention to me in my life, and I really believed that he was there for me. He got sick of my neediness and pushed me away and that was devastating.

It's hard for me not to be needy because I have so few friends. I tried to be good and not act needy around him and he said he liked it when I was like that, but it made me feel constantly anxious because we aren't at the level of intimacy that I want. Last night I told him I wanted to talk about things, but from the start he made it clear he didn't want to spend much time on the topic. He said he thinks we never had anything special, which hurts because we did talk about getting together which means we had something. I know he's under a lot of stress right now. He was seeing a Japanese girl but he just ended things with her because it was too much for him. I get the feeling he might an emotional avoidant? On one hand I love the time I do get to spend with him, but on the other hand it hurts that I'm not important to him.

I don't really have anyone in my life I can share myself with. Therapists say I should just be happy with what people offer me even if it's not what I want, but I can't be happy with just a handful of superficial relationships

Welcome to PC!

So you are in Japan right now! It must close to lunch time there.

They are very polite in Japan and usually shy away from saying anything negative towards a person face to face. It's sweet(cool)to meet someone who lives in Japan. My Japanese is bad.

Anyhow, let's get back to what brings you here. I understand your mention of appearing needy. One option to consider about the Japanese co-worker is that sometimes workplace romances may not be the best thing to have.

Well, I hope you are able get support from us people at PC(psychcentral). Take care. Have a good afternoon and/or supper! ;-)

[hezaa82]

I never said my co-worker was Japanese. He's from Northern Ireland.

[optimize990h]

Originally Posted by hezaa82

I never said my co-worker was Japanese. He's from Northern Ireland.

Sorry, I misunderstood.that important point, kinda made an *** of myself. :-/. I deeply apologize for this serious faux pau. Can you forgive me?
Thanks for your understanding. Take care. If I have offended you in any way, you can tell me.:-p

[Thunder Bow]

You seem to have a normal life. Things could be alot worse. Be Thankful!