[mvrojas]

My boyfriend loves me. I know so, he tells me all the time. He does nice things for me, I can tell he loves me. However, there's always that feeling of comparing myself to his friends that are girls, feeling like I am a last resort and like I am horrible and disgusting.

I have been experiencing dissociation, going by each day having constant realizations that I am alive in that moment, it's a frightening feeling, and I don't know when it started. Being alive doesn't feel real. I always feel like I don't look like a real person, have intense body issues, and feel incapable of interacting with others.

I saw a picture of him kissing another girl from 2 years ago. I flipped out and sent him a frightening amount of hateful text messages. I felt completely out of control. He told me if I didn't get help for my emotional issues he would not stick around.

I was diagnosed with BPD 2 years ago, but have not received any treatment at all. (can't afford it.)

I just hope people with similar issues can talk to me and share their experiences and offer support.

Thank you!
Maria

[Jan1212]

Pause, check your emotions, rationalize the situation, understand that stress and anxiety can trigger this panic.

Journal your feelings for the day, it helps make you more aware of your actions. Let him know what you are doing to help, communicate with him. What does it mean when you say you don't look like a real person?

Please if you feel very depressed, is there a counselor you can see? How old are you by the way?

[mvrojas]

I am 18 and I can't really afford therapy.