[BillHz60]

And the obsession begins...

I am long winded and often obtuse, so I hereby pre-appologize. It's been years since I've allowed myself to write, so I may be a bit rusty.
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Humans are just as instinctual as every other mammal. When something happens, we respond to it, instantly. We feel.

Sane, well balanced people respond to any emotion in a relatively clear, concise manner ('This is scary, but I'm not afraid", "I like this person, but I'm not head-over-heals in love", "I broke it, the world is going to end"), while we less-then Sane, unbalanced people respond in a foggy, often scatter brained way. If it's scary, we panic, run, we hide, or we blow it up. If we get close to someone, we hold them so close they can't breathe or we push them away. If we break something, literally or figuratively, it is a disaster often left for someone else to repair (which is the basis for the entire psychiatric industry. Therapists are people who mostly just handle a broom and a dust pan).

We react, and we struggle to move on from the instinctual reaction to a healthy response. We've all been there, "Caught up in the emotions", and always asking why. But why isn't the right question. I've wasted hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars making that boneheaded inquiry. I say, once you know a little why, that's enough. Move On.

There are bigger fish to fry.

Thinking isn't the same as reacting (or feeling, an instinctual act), and I've come to the conclusion that we cannot change how we react, how we feel in that moment. I've been CBT'd* to death, and they've never changed the way I think. Its part biological, part circumstantial, and it's instantaneous. They can drug it out of you, but the side effects suck.

Emotions flood our behavior, and we drown in them rather then wading through. We mess things up with our unbalanced response, and psychiatry insists we must learn to cope. In my not-so-humble opinion, this is where the wheels leave the tracks.

I think Coping with emotions is the wrong way to go. I've felt for a long time psychiatry gets that part wrong. Coping implies you must put up with your irrational emotions. That you are destined to feel inappropriately, but for $125 and hour I can give you the tools to deal with it, in effect, to clean up your own mess.

I know I'm arguing semantics here, but I believe we must approach our unbalanced reactions, our raw emotions, with management in mind. At least we're starting from a positive point of view. Management is a pro-active process. If you are Managing your emotions, you are in front of them, while Coping is dealing with the mess and, for the advanced student, cleaning up the disaster afterward.

I know, I know, I've gotten nowhere but changing one word in the question. So, Mr bill, how do we Manage our emotions?

To start, consider Managing your next emotional response with the knowledge that you are going to over-react, to over-feel. You are a hyperactive tuning fork. When your bell gets rung, it rings loud and it rings long. But it also rings true. You are no more wrong in how you feel then you are wrong in being who you are. As a creature of this planet, you have the right to your feelings. However, as a member of society, you must be responsible for them.

Unless you're like me and live in a cave.

To manage the emotions, imagine wrapping them in a clean cotton diaper, dampening your reaction to the dull roar of stability.

And keep both hands on the steering wheel.

b.

*CBT: Cognitive Behaviorial Therapy (changing the way you think)

[Perna]

My theory is that actions are made up of a combination of feeling and thought. The more balanced/"sane" try to get a good combination going, give themselves space to get the moderating thought in there between the stimulus and action. Your, "I broke it, the world is going to end" example reminded me of myself.

I use to respond to the world like Chicken Little, like it was going to end, everything was panic-worthy. My therapist did not, she was calm, pleasant, relaxed. It took many years before I noticed the difference and was able to have the thought, "Only one of us can be responding correctly/well; either the sky is falling and I am correct and my therapist is "crazy" to be so relaxed and calm or. . . It did not initially stop my feeling that the world was going to end but having the, "It's not like that" spacer thought in there allowed me to override the extreme feeling most times and gave me permission to take more time thinking about my problem rather than just reacting (versus "responding") to it.

[Thunder Bow]

Emotions is how the Human Species Communicate. Feelings always come before rational thought and Words. You don't "manage" Emotions, you communicate them. Supresing feelings lead to irrational outbursts.