[yellowfrog268]

For some reason, I had an epiphany of sorts today.

My mind began to wander and landed on the topic of why I have not been able to reach greater heights in my life; why my life thus far has been mediocre. I so want to leave a mark on this world, to have something to be remembered by but the truth of the matter is (here's the epiphany part) 1. I'm not a people person. Being successful seems to be about creating value for others. Hard to do when you often have difficulty understanding and interacting with others and you have a general disposition and thought process that others find weird or off-putting. 2. Chronic depression coupled with constant reminders that I don't fit in means that often I can't get out of my own way long enough to be productive in a way that would mean anything to anyone else but myself and my immediate family.

As soon as these realizations hit, I swear I felt a heaviness in my chest. As if someone was pressing down on me with great force. It only got worse when my thoughts then turned to that old bugaboo of a question-WHY. Aside from neurological stuff I was born with, I was also given the gift that keeps on giving: childhood abuse. Yes, I know, pity party for one. But I cannot make peace with the fact that I was in some ways, robbed of the opportunity to be more, to do more with my life.
To my mind, the stuff I went through in my childhood not only impacted my psychological development, but also the development of my brain. Without going into great detail, the abuse went on from age 5 until age 17 and included elements of all three types of child abuse. Numerous studies have shown the significant changes to a child's developing brain when abuse is present in a child's life especially if it begins when the child is young and persists over time.
I am both angry and profoundly sad that the actions of one (and the inaction of others) has significantly altered the course of my life. When I think of the potential that was lost due to the psychological and biological damage done to me, I just want to scream.

[Thunder Bow]

Healing from Abuse can make you a Strong Warrior. This Healing can be a source of power for you. Healing can make you a Very Strong Warrior and Teacher. Dedicate yourself to your own healing with all the courage and determination that you have within! Then you will be a Strong Hearted Warrior and Teacher/Healer.