I feel like at times people are out to get me. they would say one thing and others would laugh. then when i talk back, i become the victim of their insults. i've got people ganging up on me once and i'm so sick of that. it made me feel like i didn't have any friends,which i didn't. i haven't always had a strong support group and when i walk out the door sometimes some people just look at me without even smiling or anything and that makes me feel like they know something about me, like they can see it in my eyes--the pain, the frustration, the anger.
i am willing to bring it all into the open.
when someone yells at me, i feel like they have just taken something big out of my life. idk. i just don't like getting yelled at. i've been scolded, yelled at all the time, so when i was old enough to rebel against older people i did. i just regret having done that and felt that there were better ways of handling it. like i could have just obeyed and got myself out of trouble faster.
i admit, i do hold grudges at times. i hold grudges against some of the people that made me cry, that wronged me, that called me names, that laughed at my expense, and made me a fool in public. at times i wished they weren't alive. this is how i feel strongly. now what i want is to just forgive them and move on. no more thinking about the past and no more trying to take it out on my classmates or anyone that i know.

i really am going to get to the bottom of this. i really am. i'm not going to stop getting treatment until i am free from all my problems. i will get help no matter what. I'm no quitter.