[winterglen]

First of all, I want to clarify that the person I'm absolutely most angry with is myself.

Even though I know it's wrong, I'm angry with other people too. Nobody specific, just a nebulous "someone else."

The reality is I am hurting so much. I know it's my own fault that I hurt, but I desperately wish it were someone else's fault. Not because I want to see someone else be punished for my problems, but because I want people to recognize that my hurt is real.

I'm sick and tired of everyone telling me that the hurt is all in my mind, as if that somehow makes it easier to get rid of. I'm sick and tired of everyone telling me that only I have the power to change how I feel, when I don't.

When I hear things like only I have the power to change how I feel, even though I know people have kind intentions and mean it to be empowering, I don't find it empowering. I take it to mean they blame me and that I'm wrong to feel the way I do. Then I feel guilty for having those feelings. I become convinced that good, normal people don't have those feelings, and I feel ashamed and powerless over having these feelings that better, more normal people can control.

People are telling me I have power but I feel utterly powerless.

I wish these people were being cruel to me. I wish that I were angry for the right reasons, because the anger and the hurt won't go away and people refuse to give my feelings any validity (not that they should.) If the anger and hurt were caused by someone else, then I wouldn't have to constantly doubt my own motives. I wouldn't have to feel like a villain or a monster for having the wrong feelings.

But it seems (seems being the operative word as in "not real") that everybody is telling me that I'm only pretending to feel hurt and I'm a terrible person and I deserve to be treated badly. I should be able to control what I think and feel as easily as they can, but because I don't, I don't deserve to be part of the human race. I'm the worst sort a criminal, and should be punished for it.

I hate most of all that I deserve all this misery and rejection and ridicule and punishment, because I brought it on myself.

[gayleggg]

Is there a particular reason you feel all this guilt toward yourself? In other words, have you done something so bad? Or is it, that you feel that way with no specific reason? I would suggest counseling in either case to help work through these feelings. An assessment by a psychiatrist might be good to see if you need medication to help you overcome these feelings. Hope you find the support here on PC>

[avlady]

It could be your heart was hurt at one time in the past and it's not in your head but your heart, maybe a heartbreak?

[Thunder Bow]

What are you Hurting from? What/who Is Hurting you? What happened to you?

No one can simply shut off their feelings. Your feelings are real. All feelings are valid.