[Patagonia]

My T last wk told me I was probably severely emotionally abused besides other things. Then we moved on.
What the heck is 'emotional abuse' anyway?
Thanks
Patagonia

[tealBumblebee]

Emotional abuse can include manipulation, degrading words, the offering and removal of praise based on how it benefits their needs - it really can encompass a whole lot. There are even times where someone can be emotionally abusive/neglectful to a child without even realizing it such as dismissing or not validating their feelings etc. But its a horrible thing that can instill deep feelings including lack of self worth, etc. in a child (or even an adult in a relationship etc.)

In my case, T and I don't speak on it because its kind of an "untouchable" subject for me. But somethings I can (am willing to) share of my own experience include an emotionally distant biological mother (in infant years - which scarred me in ways that I haven't even realized; i've also been told it crossed the line to physical a few times). Or being told I "cried too much" (as a child) and that normal children would be over "it" by now. Or being told when I was at my lowest point (presuicide) and attempted to open up that "any problems you have you brought on yourself". What has effected me mostly (discovered this through T of course) is that I was told my emotional needs don't matter so much (and it was reflected in action) that I unconsciously (and almost always) "devalue" my needs and "upvalue" everyone elses in order to obtain a positive response and balanced environment.

I'm sorry that you had to endure these things (even if you aren't aware of it yet). It causes semi-permanent life long scars. ((((Hug))))

[Patagonia]

Geez that covers soooo much I'm not even sure where to start?! She said its probably my from childhood, but my FOO still talks to me the same way as when I was a child. I just always thought this was the norm.
When you find all this 'stuff' out in T what do you do w/ it? What make your mouth from dropping on the floor or crawling into a corner & bawling? How do I move on w/ all this baggage?

[tealBumblebee]

It does cover a lot. T and I haven't fully gone into detail because I've blocked out many memories (apparently my defense mechanism). I will say that I too, thought this was the norm but realized it wasn't at a much younger age. And well - the ish hit that fan - no one knew how to deal with me and I didn't know how to deal with myself. I think its good that you are discovering these things with your T instead of from your own observations. In regards to the whole mouth dropping/bawling thing - its not really my style. But it does leave you with a lot of emotional torment - because once you have been enlightened everything kind of comes rushing back to you at once and you find yourself processing any and every memory wondering if and how that incident screwed you up.

The biggest thing though, and the upside to it all, is that you begin to understand how your past affected you then - and your development into an adult. And you work through those emotions, and you learn to process them (because they won't go away) and you learn about your own inner strength in the mean time. You have to work really hard to try not resent these people or yourself, and you use those tools as well for your betterment. You begin to see that you can overcome things, that you have overcome things and life just begins to make a little more sense. I hope this helps. (((hug)))