[Daeva]

DKJFKJDKFKJSJFJEJFJ I can barely effing state what I want to because every word would be starred at this point. I AM ****ING FURIOUS.

I can barely breathe and I want to smash someone's head in. (Not that I will) I want to smash something up. And my ****ING T won't answer her ******* ****ing office phone even though I know she's there, useless, I'm telling you what good is your ****ING PHONE IF YOU DON'T ANSWER IT. I am aware she could be in session but that does not help me and right now I don't give a crap.

What I need is coping mechanisms for anger. Do not tell me to walk that makes me worse. ANY ONE?

[waggiedog]

At the risk of getting my cyber~space head kicked in, I've never found a way to relieve my anger, except to take it out on myself big time. I know this is of no help, I just couldn't let your post go by without acknowledging you. Sorry. Walking does not help me either. HUGS. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[1776]

Originally Posted by Daeva

DKJFKJDKFKJSJFJEJFJ I can barely effing state what I want to because every word would be starred at this point. I AM ****ING FURIOUS.

I can barely breathe and I want to smash someone's head in. (Not that I will) I want to smash something up. And my ****ING T won't answer her ******* ****ing office phone even though I know she's there, useless, I'm telling you what good is your ****ING PHONE IF YOU DON'T ANSWER IT. I am aware she could be in session but that does not help me and right now I don't give a crap.

What I need is coping mechanisms for anger. Do not tell me to walk that makes me worse. ANY ONE?

I usually break the s*** out of something I can stand to lose. Punching the s*** out of a punching bag is awesome for anger relief. Wish I could spot you for it right now. You need it.

[Daeva]

**** I AM SO MAD MY T ACTUALLY ******* CALLED ME THE **** BACK AND I DIDN'T ANSWER THE PHONE CAUSE I AM SO MAD AT HER FOR NOT ANSWERING THE FIRST TIME.

****ing useless i'm telling you even in a crisis she's useless. ****ing no good ***** always leaving me on my own. i can't do this on my own all the ****ing time does no one ****ing see that. Do you think it's really such a smart idea sweetcheeks to not TEACH ME ANY ****ING THING? I have NO coping mechanism for ANY of the ******* emotions normal humans have, let alone the intensity a borderline feels it, **** YOU. Then you WONDER why i'm not doing good in therapy why i'm ****ing sabotaging myself did it ever occur to you that i have to throw a ****ing temper tantrum for you to even get your panties in a ****ing bunch you ***. DO YOU NOT SEE ME? AM I NOT REAL ENOUGH FOR YOU. I'M RIGHT THE **** HERE. What more do I have to do? CAN YOU NOT HEAR ME SCREAMING.

[waggiedog]

Hay there again and thankyou for that last post. Yeah, kick the **** outta a punchbag! But I mean a bag designed to be punched! This is a serious issue I know, I know 'cos I've tried to live with it for 33 years, **** knows how I'm still here to be honest. I'm here supporting as much as I can in my humble way. Ranting/venting does afford a safe kinda escape sometimes. HUGS. XXXXXXX

[waggiedog]

Hay I hear you I hear you and I HEAR YOU LOUD AND CLEAR! Let it out, just let it out! And when it's out ~ start again if need be! HUGS. XXXXX

[Daeva]

Thank you, you guys are the only reason I'm not destroying my **** and what not.

****

do you know what ****ing happened? No let me tell you. I met this guy named Fred, he was an abusive jerk, made me awful about myself and put me through ****ing hell. I met another guy, who was a sweet-talker and loving and caring--or so I ****ing thought. We had an affair, he was engaged and I was still with Fred. Neither of us gave a **** since we were both in bad relationships But he made sure I knew we couldn't be together cause he loved his fiancee. He made sure I knew he cared for me but that was it, I wasn't worth anythin more. So that festered until he finally broke up with his girl over reasons that were not me. THEN THEN he falls in love two days later with some other girl that he JUST met that day and was obsessing over her so that was exasperating but I stood by him, we continued our little fling. THEN THEN my T is all 'why do you do this to yourself every time you hate yourself for it' and i was a mess the last time we slept together, I let him have photos.

THEN THEN i stop speaking to him for a MONTH and then he calls me up all 'i'm worried about you' so I go over and he asks me out so I say YES. Cause I'm in love with the asswipe. So then one night he tells me 'i'm still in love with that other girl more, but since I can't have her I will stay with you. It's obviously as good as I'm going to get' so I said **** YOU. And then THEN my best friend and Roommate, not 24 hours laters begins to date him, doesn't tell me for days and when she does she tells me while i'm under the influence of my Seroquel, which SHE KNOWS I'm not aware when I take that drug.

So that was last night. AND GUESS WHAT I JUST REMEMBERED ABOUT 45 MINUTES AGO. HER TELLING ME THIS.

[winterglen]

I've also got a filthy mouth, but because I spend a lot of my time posting and chatting, I have to stop myself from saying those words.

When you're angry, it might help you to defuse if you try thinking of creative substitutes for swear words, some that would be acceptable to the mainstream sites' filters. It might help your mind focus on something besides what is making you angry.

For me, it works better some times than others. Sometimes I want to hold on to my anger, because I deserve to feel bad. Just remember that you won't always feel this angry about what is bothering you. At some point, that same thing won't bother you so much. Just get through that angry moment unscathed.

[waggiedog]

Oh man. Darling, it's no wonder your absolutely HOPPING mad ~ who wouldn't be eh? That man, the latest thing, would make anybody mad, borderline or not! I mean, he's not quite 'right' in the head hun, playing games with peoples lives and all that. You know he's GOTTA GO, I know you know and I also know it's easier said than done...................but:
And then we have the 'T' issue. Same here. These last few weeks I've sat there and told her categorically that I will kill myself, I HAVE the drugs stashed to do it with. Not idle threats, not meant to be 'threats' at all, mearly explaining the extend of my depression and sometimes sheer anger. Not one, but TWO 'T's know this.................do they even discuss my case with the Psych Dr? NO NO NO, I'm not worth the effort Fine 'cos actually I already KNOW I'm worthless. I have a history of suicide attempts so I am NOT attention seeking, as has been suggested in the past. Oh YES darling, I DO understand right where you are coming from. Just that, I UNDERSTAND. HUGS and LOVES.