[rigaschuckler]

I am genuinely confused about my thinking these days. I still don’t know how much you can comprehend as we don’t know in person, and you ‘know’ me by my fragments or my problems. I write here whenever I would feel there is no other way to vent out my anger or pain. It means I am a lonely person in my life.
‘Loneliness’ in my case has certain ramifications. I am not the quintessential lonely man, living in a western town, with my own bitter past or staring at a bleak future. My agonies are predicated up on my background and culture. I am an Indian and most importantly, a Hindu in a remote village. We are very conservative people in almost everything and we followed a joint family system until last 20 decades.
Today we are witnessing the floodgates of a virulent globalization, and it confused my relatives too. They couldn’t study much and most of them have odd jobs. Some works as insurance agents, some work as electricians in Arab countries, and for some they like to do teaching and all. My aunt, fortunately for her, got married to a rich person and this influences the whole family.
Modernity is a different thing among them- it is all about cars, bikes, houses, mobile phones, computers etc. They are traditional in their own moments. They have their own justifications too for doing that.
I was born in such a place, to not much educated still employed parents. I am quite ambitious and my taste doesn’t suit here. I like to think, write and study. I would like to settle somewhere. But due to my surroundings I couldn’t concentrate in my studies for a while and only now I got a chance to do something ‘ better’.
As you would know about Indian joint families, they often work as cliques. My uncles hate me like anything. I don’t know the exact reason but they would berate me and belittle me whenever they would see. They would mock my shyness, my failures and whatever they think badly about me. This has been going on for a long time and once I ignored them then they sharpened the attack. At family get together they would cruelly ignore me and if they get me alone, they would tease me. I said these stuffs to my cousin but he blamed me for being ‘nosey and overanalyzing’.
One thing I understood- I cannot stay in their presence anymore. They disrespect me and will not even consider me as a human being. Any thought regarding them would make me sad and bitter and I have been studying for an exam these days but some thought would pop up and destroy my mood. I sometimes think I must think from their perspective too and tried to do that too. Then they would come again and destroy me emotionally. I think moving away is the only good thing else I would end up insane. I think they will not understand me in their life time.
That is why I have to write this question- I want to leave behind everything and start my life anew. I want to ignore my rustic bullies and start a new life. I want to leave behind all the baggage’s and start anew. I want to ignore all of them but my mind says it will be a sin as they don’t know what they are doing. How to make them understand the influences of their actions?
I need your thoughts on this matter and I hope you will understand my situation as you did earlier. Please consider I am a poor man from the backwoods of India in search of a better destiny, hampered by a conservative, mean and stingy world.
Thank you

[kaliope]

it sounds like you want to give them a chance to understand what they are doing to harm you before you up and leave for a new life as you do not believe they understand the impact of their actions upon you. then you must take the time to explain to them what you have written in this post. how their words make you feel and how detrimental they are to your life. ask them to please stop treating you this way because it is very damaging to you. if they don't, at least you can start fresh knowing that you tried. take care.

[unaluna]

I dont think you have to try to change them before you leave. You do not have to be limited by THEIR limitations. You are only restrained by your own personal limitations, your own choices. This is the hard decision i had to make for myself. My parents came to America, but they were very poor in Italy and clung to the old ways. I have met many Indians at work and school, and we agree that the Indian and Italian ways are very similar. The old ways. So yes, i understand.

[rigaschuckler]

Originally Posted by kaliope

it sounds like you want to give them a chance to understand what they are doing to harm you before you up and leave for a new life as you do not believe they understand the impact of their actions upon you. then you must take the time to explain to them what you have written in this post. how their words make you feel and how detrimental they are to your life. ask them to please stop treating you this way because it is very damaging to you. if they don't, at least you can start fresh knowing that you tried. take care.

Thanks a lot

[rigaschuckler]

Originally Posted by hankster

I dont think you have to try to change them before you leave. You do not have to be limited by THEIR limitations. You are only restrained by your own personal limitations, your own choices. This is the hard decision i had to make for myself. My parents came to America, but they were very poor in Italy and clung to the old ways. I have met many Indians at work and school, and we agree that the Indian and Italian ways are very similar. The old ways. So yes, i understand.

Happy that you understood me
Thank you